Come What May
by AfewSentencesShortOfaParagraph
Summary: Clare and Sav are just starting to settle into the rhythm of their relationship. But is everything blue skies for these two lovers, or will Clare's new friend come between them? -Sequel to Rhythm of Love-
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys. So, I did decide to write a sequel to Rhythm of Love, and, quite obviously, this is it! If you got curious and opened this story, but you haven't read Rhythm of Love I suggest that you go do so. It's not entirely necessary, but…I mean…this IS a sequel. Yeah. **

**Anyway, to my returning readers, this is set just two weeks after the end of Rhythm of Love. Eli will play a MUCH bigger part in this story. Fasten your seatbelts, people. It's going to be a wild ride! **

**Lastly, I don't own Degrassi. I just really like to write about the characters. =) :**

Nothing's perfect- not one person, not one life, painting, sporting event, opportunity, offer, friendship, or relationship.

Everything has at least one flaw.

However, in spite of, or perhaps because of, these flaws we love anyway. People still use the word 'perfect' as an adjective because flaws make something whole, real. Flaws can _make_ things appear perfect.

My life isn't perfect- never has been and never will be. But I would be lying if I didn't say it was starting to feel dangerously close to perfection.

In fact, the only thing standing in the way of me and perfection was my fatal flaw:

I am naive

Sav.

Just the sound of his name had the ability to make me blush and smile like an idiot.

Only two weeks had passed since he finally stood up to his parents, but when I was with him it felt like time stood still. We were just so happy, fit so perfectly together, that it felt like our relationship defied time completely.

To say that his parents were okay with our relationship would be overstating things a bit, but they had grown tolerable of it, at least. The first time I had gone over there after Sav informed them of the life he would be leading from then on things had been tense and uncomfortable. But I had been like a part of the Bhandari family for so long that Mr. and Mrs. Bhandari couldn't stay angry for too long. They had even told me that if Sav was going to reject his religion for anyone they were glad it was me.

I had no idea how to respond to that, but I figured to take it as a sign that, eventually, they could be happy that Sav and I were together. If Alli could do it, her parents could.

Of course, Alli was just starting to warm up to the idea, but she was still much more comfortable when Sav and I slipped and did something couple-like in front of her.

It didn't hurt that our friendship was back on track, too. After I had ignored her for the better part of a week it took a lot of groveling and explaining, but Alli had known I really didn't want to avoid her; I just thought that it had been for the best at the time. Alli, knowing me better than I know myself, had decided I needed a push back into reality. She was single-handedly responsible for patching up Sav's and my relationship. For that reason I would forever be in her dept- and she wouldn't let me forget it.

All in all my life was settling into a new version of its old patterns. Alli was still my best friend, but now I was dating her brother. I was over the Bhandari's house all the time, but now it wasn't just to see Alli. My mom and I spent a lot of time together, but now she had a job, too. I saw both my parents on a regular basis, but now they didn't live together…

The great thing about my parents, though, was that now the divorce was official they were nicer to each other than when they were married. Isn't it funny how life works? We were going to therapy sessions together- sometimes it would be all three of us, sometimes just one of us, or two of us at a time. Either way, they seemed to be helping.

Also, every Thursday we all tried to get together to have dinner. It was like we were more of a family now that they had divorced- making a point to spend time with each other, talking things though, and being civil in general.

Basically, life was going my way, and I couldn't have been happier.

As I was sitting on my front porch thinking about all this the car I was waiting for pulled up to my curb.

"You're going to fry your brain before you even get to first period if you keep thinking that hard," Alli called to me, getting out of the passenger seat to slip into the back.

I simply smiled at her, claiming my place in the passenger seat next to Sav. This was our routine now. I would wait for Alli and Sav to pick me up in the morning, and then, without a single complaint, Alli would switch from shot-gun to the backseat so she wouldn't have to see us holding hands in the front.

"Good morning," I greeted both of them as I closed the door behind me.

"Morning, beautiful."

Sav subtly reached over the console to slip his hand into mine. I intertwined our fingers and smiled. It was the small moments like this one that I looked forward to in the morning.

"Could you guys, like, go easy on the sappy sweetness right now? My morning was not so great."

I turned around in my seat to face Alli; her lips were set in a pout, and she looked slightly angry.

"You're parents are still on your case about Drew?" I guessed.

Alli's parents weren't exactly aware of Alli's colorful social life until they caught her on a date with Alli's latest fling, Drew Torres. Since then, not only had she been grounded, but her parents were especially harsh on her. They already had unrealistic expectations, but now they were also mean to her. They reminded her almost daily how much she had disappointed them, and I could slowly see it wearing on Alli mental health.

"Yes! How come when he," Alli kicked the back of Sav's seat to accentuate her anger, "stands up to them they cave, but when I try to reason with them they jump down my throat? I hate being grounded. I'm lucky Drew is sticking around- I'm always in a bad mood these days."

"Please, Alli, Drew is the lucky one."

"Hmm…who am I to argue?"

I laughed, winking at Alli before turning to face forward again. I felt Sav gently squeeze my hand as thanks for keeping Alli calm and collected. I knew Sav was hearing Alli complain about Drew more than I was…because I was hearing _him_ complain about Alli's constant complaining. Not that I minded in the least, I was just happy to have the both of them by my side.

We pulled into Degrassi's parking lot mere seconds later, and Alli shot out of the car. "I'm off to find Drew. See you at lunch, guys."

Although she probably was going to find Drew, Sav and I both knew she was also giving us some time alone. Alli was great about that- helping me balance the time spent with my best friend and my boyfriend. Sometimes it was especially hard because they lived in the same house, but it was the little moments before school, in between classes, or right before I left the Bhandari's that Alli knew we needed. And she was always ready to let us have the time together. That was, as long as I compensated with a trip to the mall or some equivalent.

"How did the song writing go last night?" I asked Sav as we fell in step together, heading for the school.

"Well, whenever I got stuck I just thought about my muse, so it was fairly successful."

I blushed as he playfully knocked into me, slyly wrapping his arm around my shoulders. I slid my arm around his waist, connecting us fully as he smiled down at me.

"Do I get to hear any of these songs?"

"When they're finished; one of them is written specifically for you."

"You wrote me a song?"

"A Bhandari original."

"You, sir, just made my day."

"It's early still; I'll probably screw something up in an hour or so."

I chuckled shaking my head as we stopped at my locker. "Has anyone ever told you that you're adorable? Because you are."

"Oh, I know." Sav winked at me before placing a light kiss on my temple. "I'll see you at lunch, Clare-bear."

I watched him walk off, a light sigh leaving my lips.

"Ah, young love," a sarcastic voice sneered beside me.

"Hey, just because you're alone and bitter does not give you the right to mock my happiness," I turned to find Eli leaning against his locker. Since he had literally ran into me in the hallway we had found out that we not only had English together, but our lockers were next to each other. We had formed a shallow friendship based on sarcasm and our love for literature. However, even after a couple weeks, I still felt like he was a stranger.

He was like a complicated puzzle that I needed to figure out- whether it was for his sake or my own I had not decided.

"Who says I'm alone?"

"Good point- I have no idea what your personal life is like."

"And you probably never will." He slammed his locker shut, flashing a smirk at me before turning sharply on his heel and walking away. "See you in English, Edwards," he called over his shoulder.

I stood at my locker for a moment, too lost in thought to move. I watched Eli walk away, the careful way he avoided making any physical contact with the swarm of students around him. I never saw him talk to anyone but me, and even that didn't happen often. Every now and then his eyes would catch me off guard again, and I would be tempted to ask him about his past, about what made him so sad; force him to let me understand his peculiarities.

I shook my head and made my way to Math. Why I was so interested in this kid I would never understand, but I was.

I took my usual seat next to Alli in class. "How's Drew?" I asked as soon as I was settled.

"MIA, actually. I couldn't find him anywhere. It's whatever, though. I'm not really in the mood for people today, anyway."

"Hang in there," I commented sympathetically, reaching across the aisle to pat her leg.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm strong. I'm independent. Wahoo."

Before I had the chance to say anything about Alli's pessimism the bell rang, and we both turned our attention to the front of the room.

After class was over I quickly pulled Alli into a hug. "Your parents will come around, Alli. You just have to be patient."

Tears sprung to Alli's eyes, but she quickly blinked them away.

"Thanks, Clare. It's just hard to believe while I'm sitting around waiting for them to forgive me."

"You know my house is always open if things start to get too stressful."

"I may have to take you up on that soon."

"I have to get to English, but I love you, Alli. Try to cheer up."

She only nodded, trudging down the hall to her locker. English was the only class I _didn't_ have with Alli, but it was my favorite subject so I wasn't really complaining. I just hoped she would get better soon. Her uncharacteristic behavior was starting to worry me.

I was still thinking about Alli, and what I could do to help, when Mrs. Dawes breezed into the room, talking excitedly about some debate project. I was having trouble focusing, but I did hear her mention partners. Before I knew it everyone in the class had silently picked their partners, so when Dawes told us to get to work the room turned into mass chaos for a second, and then everyone had been paired off.

Eli, who sat in front of me, turned around. "Looks like it's just you and me, locker buddy."

I raised my eyebrow at him. "What makes you so sure I want to work with you?"

"Look around you, slow poke; you don't have much of a choice. I would say you could work by yourself, but I don't think there has ever been a successful one-person debate."

"Touché…"

I trailed off, and Eli didn't bother to say anything else. I was getting sucked into those eyes again- the bottomless pain both frightening and intriguing me. Soon enough, though, my stare turned less searching and more competitive. We just stared each other down across our desks, daring the other person to speak first.

Eli apparently had a will made of steel, and was not going to cave. I decided if I wanted to get anything done I would have to start up the brainstorming. But just as I was opening my mouth to ask what topics he would be interested in doing a debate on the bell rang.

"Well I'd say we were wildly successful today. Good work."

I laughed, walking out the door with him. "I can only hope tomorrow proves to be just as fruitful."

For a moment a genuine smile curled up the edges of Eli's lips. It wasn't his usual hard smirk, and I was caught off guard by how vulnerable he looked.

"Hey, Clare," Sav walked up from behind me, making me jump.

"I'll see you tomorrow," Eli dismissed himself quickly, the smile disappearing with the vulnerability.

"Who was that?" Sav asked curiously, his hand finding my own.

"Just some kid I was partnered up with for an English project."

I tried to sound nonchalant, but Sav seemed to detect something off about the way I had delivered it. He raised his eyebrows at me questioningly.

I gave Sav's hand a gentle squeeze to reassure him that I was telling him the truth. Then, I pushed all thoughts of Eli Goldsworthy out of my mind.

**I know this was short, but we're just getting our feet wet. **

**So, what did you think? I feel like I've been a little bit off my game lately. I hope that doesn't make this horrible to read. Please tell me if you liked it, hated it, or simply don't care. Either way, feedback is always a good thing! =) **


	2. Eli Goldsworthy

**Where do I even begin? I am beyond sorry for leaving you guys high and dry for so long. But, it's officially summer for me now, so expect updates more regularly. I promise not to drop off the face of the Earth again. **

**Second, I would like to give a super special thank you and internet hug to hunnyfresh and DanceInSlowMotion (I hope both these names show up…sometimes Fan Fiction isn't always pen-name friendly. Just ask anyone who tries to type mine…) for their kind words on both Rhythm of Love and this story. Both of you made my day with your praise. Ego, meet your best friends. Ha. I'm kidding. But, seriously, thank you so, so much. Words cannot convey how much it meant to me that both of you enjoyed my writing so much. **

**And can I officially name the pairing Slare? Do I have the authority to do that? It's just, Clav sounds kind of dirty to me, and Cav reminds me of a baby cow. So, Slare it is, yeah? I ship Slare! ;) **

**Wow, I can be such a rambler sometimes, eh? Let's get started with chapter 2! :**

"Hey," Sav poked me to cut off Alli's and my banter. "Isn't that the kid you walked out of your English class with? He looks lost."

Alli, Sav and I were sitting at our usual table at lunch, and Sav had me tucked close to his side.

I looked up and followed Sav's gaze. Sure enough, I found Eli standing at the entrance of the cafeteria holding a brown paper bag. His eyes were sweeping the room for a place to sit until he noticed an empty table, and he immediately made his way for it.

"Yeah, that's Eli Goldsworthy."

"Ohh," Alli's eyes lit up the way they did when she had been listening to the rumor mill and had gathered some information that she found interesting. "I've heard things about him…"

I rolled my eyes; I refused to be lured into the ridiculous rumors. I didn't want to hear any of the crazy stories Alli had undoubtedly collected. Of course, I was beyond curious about Eli and his strange ways, but if I was going to get my information first hand…maybe just not anytime soon.

Sav, on the other hand, shot a concerned glance down my direction that I assumed was supposed to be discreet. "What kinds of things…?"

"There have been lots of stories, but the most repeated one is that he just got out of juvie. It hasn't been confirmed for what, but I think it's either murder or drug dealing."

"Alli, that's absurd," I started to defend him as soon as the word murder had left her lips.

"I'm just repeating what I heard from Drew. Apparently they have a class together. He's says the guy is super secretive. He, like, never talks to anyone."

"I have a class with him, too, and he's a nice guy. He talks to me all the time; we're actually kind of friends. You shouldn't believe everything you hear."

I might have been over stating things by saying that Eli and I talked all the time, but I didn't think spreading rumors about people was fair. Eli probably had a good reason for being so standoffish.

"What if he is dangerous, though?" Sav interjected, his arm around my waist tightening protectively. "You trust people too easily, and while I love that you always want to find the good in people, it could get you in trouble. Maybe you should stick to being his English partner, and be less of his friend."

"Sav, please, this is silly. First off, Eli really is nice. Second, I think I can take care of myself, and third, I appreciate your concern, I really do, but it's unnecessary. I'll prove it."

Without stopping to think about what I was about to do, I was headed over to the table where Eli was eating alone. I plopped down across from him, making him literally jump out of his seat, but once he saw it was me, he relaxed slightly before narrowing his eyes in confusion.

"Are you lost? Your boyfriend's over there." Eli sneered and gestured over to the table I had just come from where Sav and Alli were openly gaping at my bold move.

"Nope, I'm not lost. I was just telling my boyfriend about my newest friend, and he really wants to meet you."

"What makes you think we're friends?"

"I never see you talking to anyone else. I figured I'm the closest thing you have to a friend at this school."

Eli seemed genuinely shocked by this; almost as if he hadn't given himself permission to be my friend, but it had happened anyway, without his notice. I felt a little accomplished for rendering him speechless- if there was one thing I had learned about Eli in the short time I had known him it was that he always had something to say.

Unfortunately, no one could keep Eli silent for too long. "So, you've been keeping tabs on me, eh?"

"Don't flatter yourself, slick. I love Sav."

"Whoa now, I never said you didn't. Defensive, much?"

That had come out wrong, but somehow I couldn't find the words to explain myself. Eli left me flustered and confused…not to mention frustrated. Maybe Sav was right, I should just be his partner for this project and then leave him alone.

"God, I was just trying to be nice. Why do you have to talk in circles? Have fun eating lunch alone."

Did I mention Eli also made me moody? He was the complete opposite of Sav. Sav gave me butterflies, but kept me grounded. Sav was sweet and genuine.

I shook my head at Eli, getting up to leave, but before I had the chance to make it out of earshot Eli called me back.

"Clare, wait…," I turned in time to see him wince as he swallowed a bit of his pride. "Does the invitation to join you still stand?"

"That depends…are you going to continue to be a major jerk?"

"Hey, I am who I am," he joked, but I narrowed my eyes at him, and turned to leave for the second time. "No, sorry, yes…I'll be a minor jerk, not a major one."

I couldn't help the small smile as my forgiving side won over my angry one. "That's what I call progress," I allowed, laughing.

Eli smiled back and packed up his lunch so he could join Sav, Alli, and me at our table.

"Be nice," I warned Sav and Alli severely as I took my spot next to Sav again, making it to the table just a few seconds before Eli.

"How did you do that?" Alli whispered, but before I had the chance to ask what she meant by that, Eli was sliding into the seat next to her. I almost giggled at the sheer opposition of Eli and Alli. Their skin color, their style of dress, their personalities…this was going to be an interesting lunch.

Seeing as I was the common denominator between us all, I spoke first. "Sav, Alli…this is Eli. Eli, meet my boyfriend, Sav, and my best friend, Alli.

"How come I am devoid of a title?" Eli asked, sarcasm coating his words.

"You have yet to earn one aside from 'jerk', and that just doesn't sound very pleasant in introductions."

"This is my jerk, Eli…you're right, it just doesn't roll off the tongue."

I rolled my eyes at him, and an uncomfortable silence settled in around everyone. I took note of how Eli sat just far enough away from Alli that he wouldn't have any chance of touching her, but close enough that nothing would seem off. It seemed like a very precise distance; something he had worked out and perfected.

God, why did I care so much?

"So," Sav cleared his throat, "how do you like Degrassi so far?"

I grabbed his hand under the table and gave it a squeeze to thank him for his effort. He squeezed back, and I gently leaned my head on his shoulder. Alli pretended to gag, and Eli shifted, looking unbelievably uncomfortable- like he was trying not to take note of the action, but he just couldn't look away.

"It's…a school."

Sav cracked a big goofy grin. "Really? I hadn't noticed."

Eli laughed, but it didn't touch his eyes. "Touché, man. But, in all honesty, there's nothing too special about it so far. I just am trying to get used to it."

His gaze landed on me around the time he said 'nothing too special', and I blushed, twitching under his hard stare.

"What's juvie like?" Alli asked, perking up. I sat up so I could kick her, hard, under the table. She yelped, "Geeze, Clare, I was just asking!"

"It's fine. I wouldn't know- I've never been there. How's India?"

Alli's eyes narrowed, but a chuckle escaped Sav's mouth. I cracked a smile. That would teach her to listen to rumors…and then repeat them to the subject of said rumors.

"I don't like him," Alli informed Sav and me, angling herself away from Eli.

"And I couldn't care less," Eli assured her.

Thankfully, before Alli went into full on bitch mode, the bell rang. Eli quickly stood- he gave me a small wave, Sav a slight nod, and totally ignored Alli before taking off to his next class.

"Well, he is interesting," Sav allowed. "Just be careful, okay?"

"Whatever, Mr. Protective; want to come over after school?"

"I wouldn't miss it for the world."

"Could you two tone it down, please?" Alli requested, squeezing herself in between Sav and me.

"Yeah, sure- I'm off to class anyway. I'll see you two after school. Enjoy your classes."

Sav blew me a kiss before taking off down a different hallway. I pretended to catch it, and Alli groaned.

"Why do you two have to be so cute? And, speaking of which, I'm not the only one your cuteness seems to annoy." I shot her a questioning look, but she just nodded to the other side of the hallway where Eli was standing, watching. I blushed as our gazes met and held. My skin started to crawl. Suddenly, he turned on his heel and walked away…so weird. "Looks like trouble to me."

"What do you mean?"

"Clare, come on, you're the only person he talks to in the entire school. There has to be a reason for that."

"Maybe because I don't listen to rumors and I'm a nice person."

"Or maybe he's interested."

"Alli, that's crazy talk. We're barely even friends let alone romantically involved. I mean, I like him, but I barely know him. And I'm sure that's exactly how he feels, too. Stop trying to make drama in my life where there isn't any. Even if he was interested it would be a one way street. Can we just focus on your life drama for the time being?"

"Yes, because my parents being sadistic assholes is all I want to talk about."

"What if Sav and I talked to them with you…?"

"Maybe…I don't know. I'm not home, so I don't want to even think about them right now. Can we just get to class, please?"

"Lead the way."

She smiled thankfully at me, grabbed my hand, and led me off to our next class. I couldn't really pay attention to the teachers, though. The entire class period Eli's bizarre stare was etched into my brain. I couldn't figure out what the expression on his face had meant, if anything, and it really bugged me. Maybe I was just spoiled with Sav because he was an open book. I always knew what he was thinking because he always told me. But Eli was so secretive.

And why in the world did I need to figure out Eli's secrets so bad? Why was he so intriguing to me? Maybe it was the intellectual in me that needed to solve every puzzle; leave no stone unturned.

I had to stop thinking about Eli- it was going to give me a complex.

So, I started to doodle Sav's name along the edge of my notebook to keep me distracted. Soon, the doodle turned into a full blown, cliché picture of Sav's and my name inside a giant heart. When had I turned into a sap? Not that I really minded- I had the Sav induced, goofy smile plastered on my face again.

Was it wrong to be this happy? If so, I prayed to never, ever be right.

I spent my last classes for the day in a haze of Sav. Just thinking of spending time with him later still managed to give me butterflies in my stomach. I hoped this giddy, light relationship that we had finally found never went away. I don't know what I would do if I lost Sav- especially after everything we had already been through.

I pushed the darker thoughts out of my mind, and managed to pay attention to the last ten minutes of the school day. When the bell finally rang I rushed to my locker to find Sav already there, waiting for me.

"How do you do that?"

"Get to your locker so soon? These long legs are good for one thing and one thing only- bringing me to see you sooner."

"You're such a charmer. I drew you a picture!"

"Yeah? Let's see it."

I rummaged through my bag until I found the lame drawing of the heart, and I handed it to Sav. "So, am I the next Michelangelo?"

He pulled me in for a hug, kissing the top of my head. "Maybe not Michelangelo, but I definitely see the aesthetic appeal. This is going in my room. Thanks, Clare. I love it."

"And I love you," I said, wrapping my arms tighter around him.

"Get a room," Eli requested gruffly, arriving at his locker.

"How about you just get a heart, instead," I joked, childishly sticking my tongue out at him.

"I wish I could, but I went to the Wizard of Oz and he was fresh out. Darn."

"See you tomorrow in English," I told him before entwining my hand with Sav's and pulling him toward the parking lot.

"You know," Sav started lightly, draping his arm around my shoulders, "you probably shouldn't encourage him."

"What do you mean?"

"I think he likes you, Clare. I mean, maybe a little more than a friend. You really don't want to encourage him…"

"What is with you and Alli? Eli and I are friends. Barely friends, in fact. Do I detect jealousy?"

"No, Clare, I'm not jealous because I know you. You assume the kid is just being friendly, so you're just being friendly back. I'm just telling you to watch how…flirty you get. Eli might get the wrong impression"

"The kid, as you so eloquently put it, _is_ just being friendly. There isn't anything to be careful of. Gosh, when did you get so paranoid?"

"Can we not fight about this? I was just…observing. Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you, Clare. I love you."

Sav had gracefully swung himself in front of me so he could place his hands on my shoulders and look me in the eyes. I knew he really hadn't meant to offend me, but I was upset that my friends seemed to think I wasn't a good judge of character. I was perfectly capable of watching out for myself.

"Fine, then let's not fight. I love you, too. You know that."

Sav nodded and pulled me in for a hug.

The fight had been short, harmless. It was the first one that Sav and I would have in regards to Elijah Goldsworthy, but it certainly would not be the last.

**Like I said, I promise not to disappear on you guys again. So, expect an update soon. In the meantime, tell me what you thought about this chapter! =)**

**Lastly, I have a request. I think, if you have not already, you should go read DreamernWriter123's newest story. You should read all the other ones, too, but the new one is gold. She has a wonderful talent, and you will enjoy yourselves. I guarantee! Go!**


	3. Being Responsible

**Hey, hey, hey! Well, lovely readers, how are you doing? I'm peachy, thanks for asking. **

**Sorry, I'm also a bit slap happy. Anyway, I am so ready to write the third chapter of Come What May, so I hope you're ready to read!**

**One quick thing before I start: I feel like it's only fair to warn you that my Eli in this story doesn't exactly follow the Eli on the actual show. I mean, with Sav and Clare dating it's already kind of AU, but I am just taking it one step further! So, to clarify, there is no dead girlfriend. But there is something else. Duhn, duhn, duuuhhh! **

**How ridiculous am I? No, wait, don't answer that. Hey! I still don't own Degrassi! Okay, end rant: **

Sav and I quickly dropped Alli off at the Bhandari home, and then we made our way to my house so we could spend some quality time together.

"Your mom's cool with me coming over when she's not home, right?" Sav asked for the millionth time.

"Would you feel better if I gave her a call and asked?"

Sav nodded, so I fished my cell phone out of my purse. I knew my mom wouldn't have a problem with Sav hanging around, though. My mom loved Sav. In the last few weeks she really had the chance to talk to him, and she got to experience the full effect of his charm. Not only was he a total sweetheart who cared about me, but he offered to drive me around wherever I needed to go when my mom was at work. He helped us out so much as my mom and I collectively adjusted to our new lifestyle, and we were both forever in his debt.

I dialed my mom's work number after checking the note card she had given me. It was a new number, so I hadn't committed it to memory yet.

She answered on the second ring. "Helen speaking; how may help you?"

"Hi mom, it's Clare. How's work going?"

"Oh, hi sweetie! Everything has been smooth sailing today, so I'll probably be home early, and we can have dinner together."

"That's great; would you mind if we had a third person join us for that dinner?"

"You mean Sav? Of course he can come over for dinner! He's always welcome; you know that! I'll see you two when I get home."

My mom was apparently talking loud enough that Sav could hear every word she said because he leaned in to yell at the phone, "Thank you, Mrs. E!"

My mom laughed fondly. "Be good you two."

"Aren't we always? I love you, mom. See you in a couple hours!"

I snapped my phone shut, and put it away just as Sav pulled up to my house. He slipped the car into park, and rushed to get out so he could open my door for me like the true gentleman that he was. I smiled, grabbing for his hand so I could give it a quick squeeze, then I let us both into the house. Sav, already feeling like my house was his second home, walked immediately to the kitchen.

"Do you want anything to drink, Clare-bear?"

"Water with ice is good," I called back to him, settling into the couch and pulling out my science homework.

I started in on the first problem as Sav walked into the living room, set his glass of Coke and my glass of water on the coasters, and plopped down next to me, immediately slinging his arm around my shoulders to pull me closer.

"Always so studious," he whispered in my ear before gently giving my lobe a nibble.

"Ah! Sav, don't you have any homework?"

He ghosted his lips down to my neck, and I shivered. I had never, ever let K.C. get as physical as I let Sav, but it was probably because Sav made me feel so comfortable. I never felt insecure or inexperienced with Sav leading the way. Not to mention, I knew that as soon as I said the word, he would stop without a doubt. It was just so hard to ignore the way Sav made my heart want to pound its way out of my chest.

"I finished it all already," he mumbled, bringing his lips up to kiss my temple.

"Can you wait until I finish mine?"

Sav immediately sat back, a devilish gleam in his eye. "Pinkie promise?"

"As long as my mom isn't home yet, we can have a good, long make-out after I've finished all my homework."

"Why are you so responsible?"

"I can't help it; it's in my blood."

"I know…and I wouldn't have you any other way," Sav said, sincerity ringing out in every word.

He reached for the remote control to the TV, and watched the news quietly as I did my science and math homework. Then, after quickly debating with myself if I should just put it off till tomorrow, I pulled out my English notebook with the intent to brainstorm ideas for mine and Eli's debate.

After about five minutes of staring at the blank page, I turned to Sav. "What are some good debate topics?"

"Um…I have no clue…pollution?"

"Helpful," I commented sarcastically.

"I mean, what's something that interests you; something you're passionate about?"

"You," I said, only half joking.

I was confused when Sav's forehead crinkled, a sign that he was thinking hard; the gears in his brain turning wildly. What debate topic could he possibly come up with out of the answer I had given him?

"You could debate whether or not love is a choice…" Sav said slowly, trying to articulate what he meant. But I didn't quite understand.

"Care to expand?"

"Okay, like, you have to let yourself fall in love before you actually do; it's kind of a choice. And some people never let themselves fall in love, so they never get to experience it…am I making any sense?"

"Yeah, actually, I completely understand what you're saying. It's a really interesting topic; I wonder if Eli will go for it. Thanks!"

Sav shifted uncomfortably. "That's the assignment you're partnered for with Eli?"

I quickly jotted the idea down in my notebook, and then shoved it in my backpack.

"It sure is. The topic might be a hard sell, but I doubt Eli will come up with anything better. He strikes me as a 'just enough work to get by' kind of guy."

I could tell Sav was biting his tongue; not saying something he so desperately wanted to. Good. If he didn't want to fight again he had best keep his mouth shut.

I appreciated the effort, so I leaned in to give him a chaste kiss on the lips and quickly pulled away.

Immediately Sav's face cleared of any unpleasant thoughts, and the devilish gleam in his eye was back. "Where do you think you're going, missy? You have a pinkie promise to keep."

I smiled and leaned back in, parting my lips as they met Sav's. But, before things could get too heated, I heard the front door open so I hurriedly pulled away.

"Clare? Sav? I brought home the makings of Caesar Salad; who's hungry?"

"Sorry," I apologized to Sav sincerely, and kissed him softly on the cheek. "Next time, oaky?"

"I'm holding you to that."

I laughed and got up from the couch so I could greet my mom with a hug and kiss. She returned the hug tightly, and made her way to the kitchen to grab three bowls. Sav and I both followed her.

"How was work, Mrs. E?"

"It was lovely, Sav; thanks for asking. How was school you two?"

"Uneventful," I answered, but in my mind I ran through lunch and the tiny spat with Sav right before we went home. I didn't think uneventful was really a fair adjective.

"It was pretty chill," Sav agreed, winking at me. Clearly he was just as willing to put the Eli thing behind us as I was.

"What did you do today, mom?"

I set the table, and my mom and Sav brought the three bowls over. We all sat down, and my mom launched into a tale about some odd customer who had come in to ask where she could do some fly-fishing in town. Every day when my mom came home she had a new story about some wacky customer; without fail. Sav and I enjoyed the stories immensely, when he wasn't around I would always relay them to him, and we always got a good laugh out of them. That night's spiel was no different.

After dinner, Sav said his goodbyes. He gave me a quick kiss before ducking out of the house, and I decided it was time to shower and head to bed.

"Goodnight," I called to my mom as I started up the stairs. She was sitting on the couch watching a comedic show of some sort.

"Wait, sweetie, could you come here for a minute?"

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion, but hopped off the steps to go sit on the edge of the couch. "What's up?"

"Tomorrow night your dad and I are going out to dinner."

"Without me?" I asked, taking note of my mom's fidgety behavior. She only ever fidgeted when she was nervous.

"Well, yes; your dad called me at work today and asked if I would want to catch up with him tomorrow night."

"Catch up? We all talk all the time…"

"Yes, but there are some things we can't really discuss with you around."

"Oh, well, okay. Have fun. Thanks for telling me, I guess."

"I just don't want things to get out of hand like last time," my mom said, the regret clear in her voice. I knew she was talking about neglecting to mention the fact that she and Dad were considering divorce.

"I understand. I love you, Mom. Goodnight."

I gave her a kiss on the forehead, and then took the stairs two at a time. Something about the situation was just…fishy. Of course, that could have been my overactive imagination getting the best of me again, but I would just have to wait and see. The reason I felt so confused could have to do with the weird way my mom had broached the subject. Whatever; over thinking it would just create unnecessary worries.

Or at least I hoped the worries would be unnecessary…

XXX

The next morning I woke to a text from Sav saying that there was family drama with Alli, and that I should probably find an alternative ride to school if I didn't want to be late. I replied to tell him that I would see him at lunch, and then I quickly sent a text to Alli to tell her that I loved her, and to stay strong.

I quickly got dressed, ate breakfast, and then said goodbye to my mom. I figured a nice bike ride to school would do me some good. Since Sav had come into the picture I had been seriously neglecting my bike, and I could definitely use the exercise.

The air was getting cooler, but it made my ride to school all the more invigorating. By the time I got to school I felt energized and ready to take down the world.

Alli wasn't in Math, so, despite my extremely good mood, I spent most of the period worrying about her.

Time seemed to fly, though, and soon I was headed to English. Eli was already in his seat when I arrived at the classroom, and he turned around as soon as I sat down.

"You and your boyfriend weren't at your locker this morning. I kind of missed the asinine ways of your teenage love affair."

"Sometimes I really want to hit you."

"Only sometimes? I'll have to try harder."

I smiled sweetly at him. "Not even you can bring me down today, Elijah Goldsworthy."

"Someone took their happy pills this morning…"

I decided to ignore his jab, and instead pulled out my notebook. "Sav was helping me brainstorm yesterday, and he came up with a rather interesting topic for our debate. I was wondering if you'd be into it…"

I passed him my notebook and he quickly scanned what I had written down on the page. His brow furrowed, but it didn't seem like he was feeling adverse to the idea- he was just weighing the pros and cons.

"It's definitely different. I don't know how you would come up with valid arguments for either side, though."

"Fair enough; before we commit to the topic we could do research together to see if we would have enough evidence to make a case for both sides."

Eli eyed me, his expression guarded. "When would we do this research, Edwards?"

"Are you busy after school?"

"You're so eager to spend time with me," Eli smirked, smug as Hell. I opened my mouth to protest, but he immediately cut me off. "Kidding, Clare; calm yourself. I guess I could do after school…"

"Great; your house or mine?"

"Yours," Eli answered so quickly that it made me jump. I would be lying to myself if I didn't admit I was a little disappointed. I was still curious about him, but I guess I would have to be patient in getting my answers about the elusive Mr. Goldsworthy.

"Fine; I'll see you at our lockers after school."

Eli nodded as Miss Dawes cleared her throat to gain the attention of the room. He quickly turned around, but I could not give Miss Dawes my full attention. All thoughts of Alli had also been forgotten.

Eli was coming over my house after school, and my mom would not be home.

I was going to be alone with Eli.

What had I gotten myself into?

**Aww, isn't Sav a sweetheart? Thanks for reading guys. You know the drill; let me know what you're thinking! **


	4. Fatal Attraction

**Guess who's back from the dead, so to speak! I'll give an internet lollipop to anyone who guesses right. If you're not aware of who it is, I am disappointed. Yeah, it's me…and I am finally updating this story. I feel bad for neglecting Sav and Clare for so long. But I was busy; aren't we all?**

**I do not own Degrassi. If I lived in Canada, though, I would have auditioned a long time ago to be on it!**

By the end of the day every single last one of my nerves had been frayed past the point of exposure. I was feeling jumpy, vulnerable, and stressed.

Sav and Alli never made it to school which meant there had been a serious civil war at the Bhandari household. I wondered if Sav was okay, but more importantly I hoped that Alli had not been pushed into a deeper depression. I spent all day, and all my energy, worrying about them and their well-being.

I would have rushed right over to their house after school if not for the fact that Eli Goldsworthy was supposed to be coming to my house. Without parental supervision.

I mentally cringed for the thousandth time since solidifying the plans with Eli in English. As much as my mind was focused on two of the most important people in my life, I couldn't help the little, worried voice in the back of my head the kept up a constant string of concerns over having Eli over.

But it was too late to back out…Eli stood at our lockers, an expectant look on his face as I approached.

"I haven't got all day, Edwards. I've seen slugs move faster than you."

His mood was oddly buoyant- a contradiction to his usual dismayed behavior. It felt strange; the contrast in our moods was backward. I was normally cheery, and he was usually sulking. I didn't like the switch.

"Then you should go track them down and see if they'll make a better debate partner." I didn't have the energy to match his light banter. I had too much to be concerned about.

Eli paused, reading my mood quickly, a puzzled expression taking place of his playful smirk.

"Is everything okay, Clare?"

I must have looked bad- Eli never used my first name. I hadn't crossed by any mirrors, but I could only imagine how haggard I looked after an entire day of biting my nails. "Peachy."

"You could at least try to be more convincing. That was weak, Edwards."

"Well, then I guess it's a good thing this project does not require me to have any kind of acting skills."

"Is everything okay with Sav and you; was there a reason he wasn't at your locker this morning swooning over you like the whipped guy that he is?"

I gritted my teeth, hating that Eli had jumped to that kind of conclusion. I would have decked him if not for the small amount of genuine concern on his face. But that still didn't mean I wanted to discuss my personal life with Eli. If he was going to be so secretive about his life, why should I open up about mine?

A small voice in the back of my head warned me that I was close to my snapping point…all that stress was getting to me in a big way.

"Even if things were not perfect between Sav and I, what gives you the slightest inkling that I would in any way, shape or form discuss that with you?"

"Always so sassy," Eli noted, the hard smirk very much present in all his features. "And, what you're saying is, everything is fine with Sav?"

"Are you always so pushy?" I demanded, tired of this game. Eli just gave a tight nod, still smirking. The jerk was enjoying how frustrated he was making me. "Then, if you must know, yes- everything is fine with Sav. Are we going to get a move on, or not?"

I thought I saw just a flash of disappointment in Eli's eyes, but I was probably imagining things. After all, I wasn't exactly firing on all pistons. "I guess we should. To Morty!"

"Excuse me?"

"My hearse," Eli shrugged it off as if the answer was painfully obvious.

I searched his face for any sign that he was kidding…there wasn't any. "You drive…a hearse?"

"Scared?" Eli asked as if he already knew the answer…and was enjoying himself far too much.

I could only imagine the sarcastic comments I would have to endure if I answered with an affirmative. So I lied. "Nah, I was worried where we were going to put my bike, but I guess you have tons of space in the backseat, so we're good."

Eli rolled his eyes, and I could tell he didn't buy my feeble deflection. "It's okay to admit vulnerability every now and then, you know."

"So you're the pot and I'm the kettle in this scenario, right?"

"Funny; I would admit vulnerabilities if I had them, but I don't."

I saw right through his cocky attitude- his eyes were radiating pain again. But his voice, as well as the rest of his face, remained hard. The impulse to push, to ask questions was nearly overpowering. But I was afraid that asking for more information would only make him trust me less…if he trusted me at all.

With a sudden, dizzying moment of realization I understood that I really wanted Eli to trust me. I wanted to earn his respect; I wanted to know him.

I had stopped walking, trying to sort through all the confusion in my brain. Eli turned back after taking several strides before realizing that I had stopped following.

"We could work on this some other day if you're really not feeling well," Eli assured me quietly as he walked back to stand in front of me.

"Eli, why do you talk to me? You don't talk to anyone else at school- why me?"

I hadn't expected one of my many questions to escape, but now that it had I couldn't retract it. And I didn't really want to. I was beyond curious, and this was among the least intrusive of my inquiries.

He searched my face for a few minutes, his intense stare affecting my heart rate in strange ways. Neither of us moved for a good minute, and he smirked as if he could hear the irregular pattern of my heart beats.

Then, without warning, he turned on his heel and started back toward the parking lot. What the hell was that supposed to mean?

I was rooted in my spot, and Eli turned only once to beacon me forward. I unhooked my bike from the rack and started to wheel it toward the direction Eli had disappeared. It didn't take me long to spot the hearse…I don't know anyone who could miss such an absurdity. He was standing at the back, the doors open, watching my approach. His eyes looked guarded, calculating. I wordlessly handed over my bike and he shoved it into the spacious back.

"It's unlocked," he informed me quietly, and I gave a nod and climbed into the passenger seat. I looked around and shivered. This was weird…not necessarily creepy, but also not a pleasant experience to know this vehicle had once transported dead bodies. I didn't even want to know how Eli had obtained it. Or, maybe I did, if it would help unravel the mystery that he was.

Eli then climbed into the driver's seat and asked for my address. He nodded as I prattled off the familiar string of numbers and letters, my brain focused on other things- like Eli's reaction to my question and the part of my mind that was still focused on Alli and Sav.

He started talking so suddenly that I literally jumped out of the seat.

"You're just a good person, Clare. I could tell. I've known a lot of bad people in my life… so the distinction is pretty recognizable to me. There was just something pure about you. You're naive. You're sweet. You don't judge people…you haven't judged me. You make it so easy to like you, Edwards. That's why I talk to you."

He pulled up to my curb as he finished his unexpected speech, slipping the hearse into park and turning to me. I met his gaze, and I saw that I had not really seen the extent of his pain before…not till now. I flinched at the sheer torture raging in his expressive, green eyes. My breath caught in my throat, and the atmosphere between us became thick, impossible to breathe. There was a conflict raging inside him, and I watched with wide eyes as he let me experience his internal battle.

Finally, he released my eyes, opening the door. "We should get started on the debate."

I nodded, numbly removing myself from the hearse. This was so weird. But I was slightly euphoric that he had opened up to me a bit. He thought I was sweet…he liked me.

There was a small smile on my face as I unlocked the door until a certain face crowded my vision. This face had friendly, warm brown eyes. He had silky, dark skin. He had a smile that was adoring and made me go weak at the knees.

How would Sav feel about me having Eli over my house while we were alone?

I knew the answer to that question, and it made the guilt in my stomach nearly unmanageable.

"Can I get you anything to drink?" I asked Eli, trying to distract myself.

He was letting his eyes take in every part of the front room. I saw him linger on the embarrassing pictures of Darcy and me through various stages of our awkward adolescence.

"I'm fine, thanks."

"Okay, I'm going to get my laptop from my room. Feel free to make yourself at home…I'll be right back."

I raced upstairs, took a few deep breaths to calm myself, and flew back down the stairs- laptop in hand. I tried not to think about how alone I was in the house…with a boy…who wasn't Sav.

I was going to hell.

I found Eli in front of the thin wall where a vertical strip of picture frames was hung. He was studying one in particular and I approached him slowly. It was a picture of the four of us together. My mom and Dad weren't looking at the camera- they were staring at each other lovingly. Darcy was sticking her tongue out at the camera, and I was smiling widely. Darcy's shirt was clutched in my fist…I was afraid to let go of her for even a second. The background was Niagara Falls- one of our very first family vacations.

It was one of my favorite pictures…we were all so satisfied to be together back then. Now Darcy was in Africa and my mom and dad lived in different houses.

"You all look so happy together," Eli commented softly, almost to himself. It almost sounded as if he couldn't conceive such a complicated notion of a family being happy.

"We were," I replied simply.

"And now?"

"We're still happy…just not as together."

Eli looked like he wanted to say more- ask something else, but he thought better of it. "We should probably get to work…"

"Sure," I replied easily, settling into the couch and firing up my laptop. Eli sat down, too, but as far away from me as the couch would allow.

I tried not to be offended; after all he was careful not to make contact with any human around. And I knew that, had noticed it several times, but he really didn't need to sit quite so far away.

Or maybe it was a good thing that he did- all things considered.

"Is falling in love a choice? It's creative, I'll give you that. How in the world did you come up with that again?"

"Sav helped me…if you really don't like the idea we could pick a different topic."

"I'll make you a deal, Edwards…," Eli started, but he soon trailed off, focusing on the blank TV screen. His expression was deeply thoughtful, as if he wasn't seeing the room in front of him. I watched as he started off into space, and it was hard not to notice that he was fairly attractive: the strong jaw-line, the endless green depths of his eyes, the way his shaggy, deep brown hair fell over his forehead and just right over his eyes. Actually, once he let some of his guard down, he was _really_ attractive.

I snapped off my mental train of thought…I didn't want to dwell on it, and I didn't want to go there ever again. In fact, what thought? There was no thought.

"What kind of deal, Goldsworthy?" I asked, trying to get myself on a healthier, saner track.

"We pick a more sensible topic for our debate, but we don't have to abandon your idea completely."

I was officially intrigued. "Meaning what, exactly?"

"Let's make it a personal project…"

"I'm going to need a bit more elaboration than that, Eli. Spit it out already."

"We could compile data and opinions based on the question of love being a choice or an emotion out of our control as human beings. See, we could talk to an equal amount of people in relationships and people who are flying solo, and then we can see if the evidence is conclusive. Based on what we find we could, like, make this huge display about love conquering hate, and what a powerful emotion it is. It would essentially be a public art project. And…we could get to know each other a little better if we spend that kind of time together."

I had to admit, his enthusiasm was catching. Not to mention the idea was a good one- fun, different and interesting.

Eli had shifted toward me during his speech- turning on a charisma that I had never experienced in his presence before.

I, in turn, moved just an inch closer to him. "That sounds awesome. We could install the project in the courtyard with the J.T York memorial."

Eli's face flushed with a new wave of excitement. "I don't know who J.T is, but I've seen the memorial before, and the spot is certainly ideal. It sounds like a perfect idea to me."

Just then, Eli's crafty side comment from his earlier pitch caught up with me. "Wait, you want to get to know me, Goldsworthy?"

This time Eli's move in my direction was deliberate, and it closed most of the remaining space between us. "Like I said, Edwards, you're an easy person to like. But you can't be sunshine and rainbows all the time. I want to know your story."

"That's a two way street, you know. If I open up to you, you're going to have to do a bit of the same."

I could hear the skepticism in my voice, and I was sure Eli would be able to pick up on it as well. Sure enough, he raised his eyebrows as if to challenge my thoughts.

"No promises. I wouldn't want to corrupt your pure, innocent soul with my gruesome history."

His tone was playful in nature, but I could hear the serious desperation behind his words.

I allowed myself to slide close enough to him that we were almost touching; a mere inch between our knees.

"Try me…maybe I could help."

The, carefully and deliberately, while I sent Eli a warning with my eyes, I placed my knee against his.

He jumped a tad, but didn't move away. It felt like there was an electric current flowing fast and relentless from somewhere in his body right through mine. Not to mention he was staring at me with those eyes…the cocky smirk remained on his face with a little effort.

"I'm kind of past the point of help, Clare."

He said the words in a tender voice that didn't match the actual meaning of what he was saying. What had he gone through that had been so tragic?

I hadn't realized that we had both been leaning toward each other, but when the door knocked open in a gust Eli and I snapped up and slid away from each other immediately.

But it was not soon enough, apparently…

"Alli said you would let her spend the night if things got too rough at home, and they did, so I…."

Sav was talking before he was even inside my house, but he cut off midsentence as soon as he saw Eli and I jump away from each other.

"What's going on here?" Sav whispered, a strange mix of confusion, anger and disbelief in his voice.

Alli walked in behind him, a bag slung over her shoulder. Her eyes were red and puffy- she had been crying.

"Ooooohhhh," was all she said before running up the stairs. But that was not before she shot me a loaded glance. She wanted the story with details, no doubt, of what Eli was doing here.

This was not good.

"I should go," Eli decided after looking between Sav and me a few times.

"Yeah, you should," Sav agreed- anger becoming the dominant emotion in his voice.

"See you in English tomorrow, Edwards," Eli muttered as he carefully slipped past Sav.

"You have some serious explaining to do," Sav informed me emotionlessly after the door had closed behind Eli.

I hadn't done anything wrong. There was a simple explanation as to why Eli and I were alone at my house, and I hadn't been unfaithful.

So why was the guilt in my stomach so stifling that it was hard to breathe?

Only one answer sprung into my head, though I wanted desperately to ignore it. I wanted to pretend like the thought didn't exist. But it really was the only reasonable explanation for the guilt- I was attracted to Eli Goldsworthy in ways that I should not be.

Yup, I was definitely going to hell.


	5. Abundant Problems

Sav stood before me, his foot tapping and a furious expression on his face. I knew the longer I waited to answer his question, the worse I looked, but I wanted my voice to be steady before I opened my mouth.

"Well, Clare, are you going to tell me what you and Eli were doing…or, more importantly, why you look so guilty?"

"It's not what you think, Sav. We were just working on the debate, but he started to open up to me a little…it probably looked way worse than it was. You know I would never cheat on you. You mean the world to me."

"You're mom's not even home, though! What were you thinking-bringing him over!" Sav was so angry his words came out in a strangled screech, and his words barely formed sentences. It was the first time I was truly uncomfortable with Sav; I hated having him so upset with me.

I hated it more to know that he was totally justified; I deserved his anger.

"Please, Sav, just come sit down and we'll talk."

"I'd rather stand," he replied icily, and I flinched.

"We were working on our English debate! Really, that's all; it's hardly a punishable offense!" I tried to put power behind my defense, but all my words came out sounding like a plea.

"I didn't see much work happening when I came in; why were you two so cozy on the couch, huh?"

"We were talking; I was actually making progress with him. Eli doesn't open up easily, but there is something wrong. He's not happy, and he always seems to be weighed down by something. I just want to be there for him even though I don't know what I'm trying to support him through, yet. I seem to be the only friend he has…at Degrassi, at least."

Sav sighed, deflating. I watched the anger flood out of his eyes as he plopped down on the couch next to me. He immediately slung his arm over my shoulders, and I relaxed into him, glad he had taken my sincere words at face value…and glad that he had forgotten his question about my guilt. I didn't want to explain that. Of course, although Sav happily forgot about it, I could still feel the guilt pinching at the sides of my stomach. Everything I had told Sav had been true, but I had also left out a crucial part of the story- my epiphany.

I seriously had to talk to Alli…or did I? Maybe that wasn't a good idea…

"It's hard to stay angry with you when you're being such a sweet and kind-hearted person," Sav tightened his arm around my shoulders, bringing me back to the present moment.

I laughed, but the sound was slightly off. Sav's words had only worked at intensifying the guilty pinches.

"I really would never cheat on you," I reinforced sincerely. Attraction to Eli Goldsworthy or not, I knew who I loved.

"And I know that," Sav assured me, shaking his head at his overreaction. "It was just…the way he looks at you reminds me of the way I feel when I look at you, if that makes sense. That paired with the fact that you were all alone with him in your house…well it made me jealous. I'm sorry for snapping at you, Clare-bear."

"And I'm sorry for giving you the wrong idea," I said, kissing him on the cheek before standing up. "So, Alli is here to spend the night, is that right?"

Sav stood up, too, and ran his hand over his carefully gelled hair. "Yes…things did not go Alli's way at home, and she needed a place to escape. Will your mom be okay with it, even though it's a school night?"

"I don't see why not, but I'll ask as soon as she's home. She out with my dad…am I the only one who thinks that's weird? They just got divorced. Why rock the boat?"

"Maybe they just have a few things they need to talk about," Sav shrugged, trying to calm my nerves with his blasé attitude. It worked…mostly. "I should probably get going, though. Alli could use a friend right now," Sav hinted not-so-subtly. With a kiss to my forehead, and a promise to see me the next day, Sav ducked out of the house.

I paused at the bottom of the stairs, trying to gather my thoughts before I went to deal with Alli's problems. Why was I so shaken? So I was attracted to someone who wasn't Sav…I was only human, after all. That was normal- teenage hormones, and all. Why did it make me feel so lousy with guilt to know that Eli's mysterious edge appealed to me in more than one way?

Since the whole I-have-feelings-for-Sav crisis had caught me so off-guard I had learned that it was best to be honest with myself…even when I really didn't want to be; especially then.

So, honestly, I felt so guilty and shaken because if Sav hadn't walking in I would have let Eli lean in all the way. I would have encouraged it, even. And I hated knowing that. I could never let myself get the physically close to Mr. Goldsworthy ever again. If I did it would be unforgivable.

With that new knowledge filed away in my head, and the fresh resolve in my heart, I went upstairs to face Alli. I desperately wanted to open up to her with my own problems, let her know everything I had just deduced about myself, but she was Sav's sister. Should I really put her in that kind of position? That was the single major disadvantage of dating Sav….I could no longer tell my best friend anything. I had to be more careful. Not to mention, I had to be the listener this time, not the unloader. Our friendship was a pretty even balance of give and take…and it was long past my turn to give Alli my undivided attention and my best advice. She probably desperately needed it.

When I walked into my room, Alli was standing in front of the mirror that hung over my dresser.

"My eyes are all red and puffy," She commented, not even looking away from her refection as I flopped onto my bed.

"Crying will do that to them."

"I really can't stand my parents sometimes. I want to say that I hate them right now, because I'm so upset, but I know it's not true. And saying the word only makes me angrier."

"Talk to me, Alli."

She turned to me then, and there were fresh tears in her eyes. "I don't hate them, Clare, but I'm starting to think they hate me." And then she broke down completely, sobbing in a way that literally broke my heart in two. I hated seeing a person with such a pure heart like Alli feeling so bad about her life. She didn't deserve any of this.

I scrambled off my bed and pulled Alli into my chest, giving her the biggest squeeze I could muster. I just stood there; holding her, as I tried to convey that at least one person was on her side no matter what.

After a few minutes Alli's frantic, shaky breaths evened out and she pulled away. I tugged on her hand to lead her to the bed where we both sat down, and I grabbed the box of tissues off my nightstand and handed them to her.

"So what happened today, exactly?"

"They just wouldn't speak to me- they haven't said much to me at all, unless it's to call me a disappointment, since they caught me with Drew. But, during breakfast, I decided I wouldn't take it anymore. So I asked them what I had to do to gain their respect again, and they told me they weren't sure if that was possible. And you know Sav- when someone he cares about is being hurt he can't just sit by and watch. He defended me, it turned into a screaming match, I lost it on my parents and then we all broke down in tears. And you would think, since we reached a breaking point where we all start bawling, that it would have bonded us; it would have opened a door to let us reform our relationship. But, no, my parents just shut both of us out. And they were just starting to forgive Sav, too…now I went and ruined his life. I seemed to be good at doing that to the people I love."

"Alli, you don't ruin lives. Don't say that…ever. Your parents are being unfair to you, and I want to comfort you and tell you that they will come around eventually, but I'm not so sure anymore. Just…you can't blame yourself for all this. Sav is a big boy, he knew what he was doing when he defended you, and I'm sure he'll handle things. You have to know that no matter what happens with your parent Sav and I will always be here for you. And you can stay over for as long as you need to. I'll run it past my mom, but I doubt she'll care once we explain to her everything that happened. I love you, Alli. You're a good person."

"I love you, too, Clare," Alli said, more tears spilling out of her eyes. "You're the best friend a girl could ask for…I needed to hear all that. But you're sure you won't mind me moving in for a bit?"

"I don't mind at all…it'll be fun. And I can't wait for the return of unstressed Alli. You just need to walk away for a bit. This will be good for you and your parents."

"But won't that put your mom in a weird situation?"

"Hey, stop worrying. We'll handle it; there's plenty of time to figure it all out."

"Thanks Clare…now, I just want to get my mind off things."

"Sure," I agreed happily, ready to do whatever it was that Alli needed me to. "Anything you want."

"Let's talk about Eli Goldsworthy."

I cringed. "I don't really think that's a good idea, Alli."

Alli jutted out her lower lip in a pout. "Why not? I want to know everything that happened before Sav and I walked in. Unless, of course, you have something to hide…," her voice was a challenge. She knew me well enough to know there was a specific reason I didn't want to talk about Eli.

"I don't have anything to hide," I told her honestly, "but…there are just some things that are better left unsaid."

"Clare, you did _not_ cheat on Sav…with that scumbag?"

"Alli, really? Come on; you know me better than that!"

"Okay, so then why can't we talk about it?"

I paused, trying to find some way, any way, to deflect her questions, but my brain was on overload with all the new information about myself, Eli and Alli's parents. It wasn't like it was a crime that I found Eli attractive; Alli could know that bit of information, at least. I just couldn't act on it. And, since Alli would stay over, there was less of a chance that my attraction would get back to Sav. He was already so worried that there was something going on with Eli and me...I did not need to fuel that fire. I could handle my feelings, and Sav didn't deserve to be so worried about it. He had enough on his plate.

"Come one, Clare, I can see the wheels turning in your head. Why can't you tell me what's going on with you?"

"Okay, but first, I care about Sav more than anyone else in the world- except you, of course. I would never cheat on him. He's everything to me." Alli cocked her eyebrow at me, but didn't say a word, so I took that as a signal to continue. "Anyway, Eli and were discussing possible debate topics in class, and we weren't sure if we could make the idea Sav had given me work. So I invited Eli over to do research…it was for school purposes only. Of course, being the idiot that I am, I forgot that my mom wouldn't be home. She went out with my dad, or whatever. So, anyway, Eli and I decided to do something else for the debate and use Sav 'Is Love a Choice' idea for a personal project. Eli might have let it slip that he wanted to get to know me better…and then I reciprocated that desire. And he almost opened up to me, Alli. He was talking about how he's had a bad past, and he doesn't think I could help him. But I want to; more than I should, probably. And he kept scooting closer to me, and I let him…and oh, God, I'm such a bad person. Nothing happened…but I'm majorly attracted to him, Alli. If Sav ever finds out he'll flip."

I dropped my head into my hands so I couldn't see Alli's disappointment. But, to my surprise, the bed shifted and Alli's arm was suddenly draped around my shoulders; her hand was comfortingly rubbing up and down my arm. "Clare, you said yourself you would never cheat on Sav. It's okay to be attracted to Eli, you just can't, like, do anything about it. I won't clue Sav in, either. I don't want him freaking out any more than you do…and boy can get a bit insecure when it comes to his girlfriends, you know?"

I lifted my head to find Alli smiling at me. "I thought you'd be upset with me," I confided, astounded that she was really so okay with this news.

"Clare, you're human. You're going to be attracted to more than one person in your life. I don't know how you find _Eli_ attractive, but you do, so all you have to do is tell him you don't want to do the love thingy anymore. Problem solved."

"Wait," I held up my hands as if to physically stop her words from settling themselves into my brain. The sense of relief I had been feeling disappeared as soon as it had appeared. "I'm still going to do the project with Eli…I just won't be alone with him ever. I don't intend to act on my attraction, but I meant it when I said I want to help Eli. I think he really needs it; I'm his only friend, Alli."

"That's, like, a really bad idea, Clare."

"You trust me, right, Alli?"

"More than anyone in the world," Alli qualified.

"Then you can trust me to handle this…nothing bad is going to happen."

Alli studied my face for a few minutes before sighing in defeat. "Do what you want, Clare. But don't be mad at me if I get my 'I told you so' moment."

XXX

Three weeks was a long time to share your space with someone…or so I was discovering.

It turned out that Alli's parents were just as grateful for the space as Alli seemed to be, and my mom was life-savingly cool with it. Once she had gotten home from work that day Alli and I explained everything to her. She was more than happy to take Alli under our wing as long as it wasn't permanent. Alli's parents were just glad that Alli had chosen my house as her safe haven instead of Drew's. They were thankful that we were giving them a second option to sort everything out that they hadn't even dared to consider.

Problem number one momentarily solved…or, at the very least, under control.

Of course, The Bhandari's were still kind of angry at Sav, too, so that meant he was over a whole lot. Alli and Drew would have study dates at The Dot since they were allowed to see each other under my mom's consent and Sav and I got to bum around the house. Every day he continued to make me fall even harder for him. On our one month anniversary he took me out to dinner and then he took me stargazing. He was also planning our two month anniversary because he was so enthusiastic. Apparently, it involved a song that he wrote for me that he was still perfecting.

Sav and I watched movies together, we did homework together and sometimes we just sat in the living room and talked for hours. Every day with him felt better than the last, and I was happy to discover that I was head over heels in love with him.

Because as much time I was spending with Sav…I was also spending a fair amount of time with Eli Goldsworthy. And, every day, he seemed to get more attractive.

Problem number two…very much still a problem.

Since they day he had come over, Eli hadn't said much more about his past, but he kept up a nonstop string of questions about mine. And, for some insane reason, I told him everything. I told him about the divorce; about all the fighting that had happened prior, I told him about KC and all the drama I had endured through that period of my life. I told him about the catholic school girl uniform I used to wear to Degrassi and I told him how I got the nickname St. Clare. I told him about the time I fell out of the tree in my grandparents' backyard and broke my arm. I told him about my writing, and I told him about Darcy. I even told him about how my feelings for Sav hit me out of nowhere...seemingly, anyway, even though he made faces every time I brought Sav up.

I told him _everything_. Normally I would have been uncomfortable about talking about myself for so long…three weeks all about me!...but talking to Eli just felt natural. I just wished he felt the same way toward me…because whenever I asked him a question he cleverly deflected only to learn more about me while still leaving me in the dark about him.

I understood that he needed time, but I wondered why he didn't trust me yet. I had basically told him my life story only to have him shut me out every time I tried to find a way over the 10-foot steel walls he had installed around his head and heart.

Our debate went off without a hitch, we got an A, and we were still preparing the details to start our personal project together.

Sav wasn't too excited that Eli and I were hitting it off as such good friends, but I was constantly assuring him that we were just that- friends. Sav trusted me, after all. Eli and Sav even started up a very tentative friendship. Apparently, they liked the same kind of music.

So, my life was a little messy, but I was enjoying it nonetheless. I had a new great, if not a little too messy, roommate, I had the single, most wonderful boyfriend, and I had a very elusive but sweet friend.

Yeah, Eli Goldsworthy would have to watch out. Because one way or another I was going to help him.

I refused to give up.


	6. A Lifeless Ordinary

**I'm really sorry it's taken me so long to update this story. But I have finally cleaned up my act and organized the chapters and all. This fic will be 12 chapters total. Thank you for sticking with me, and even enjoying, as I write this crack ship. I hope you enjoy chapter six!**

**Before we get started, though, I got a Tumblr! The link is on my page at the end of my bio, but the URL is just my pen name. Follow me and we can chat. You can also read my pointless, sarcastic observations about all things Degrassi. **

**Okay, now it's time to get this party started!**

"Why won't you just tell me where you're taking me?" I asked Sav for the tenth time since he had picked me up from my house with his mother's car as a surprise.

"Because I like watching you squirm," he turned briefly to wink at me before turning his attention back to the road.

"I don't even know if I'm dressed appropriately," I harrumphed.

Sav stopped at a red light before turning to look at me once again. His eyes raked over my body in a way that made me shiver and blush. Apparently that detail didn't escape Sav's notice; his smile grew more pronounced.

"You look absolutely stunning, Clare."

I picked at the hem of my black dress, a bold color that I usually avoided, and tried hide my appreciative grin. Even after a month and a half of our relationship, Sav was still the sweetest guy ever. It was just like him to plan a spontaneous date just to make me feel better; I had been unnecessarily grumpy the last few days. But that was going to change…I would not mention Alli once the entire evening. Not even how messy she was or the way she left the toilet seat up in my bathroom…

Yeah, I wasn't having trouble adjusting at all.

I loved Alli, I really did, but we both had these preexisting habits that were impossible to give up after years spent solidifying our ways. It made going through our morning routine hell. While I spent minimal amounts of time in the bathroom getting ready for school, Alli hogged the space until I barely had a minute of time to freshen up before we had to leave. Alli applied generous amounts of makeup to her face, and product to her hair whereas I liked to keep my look much more subdued.

And that wasn't even the part that bothered me the most- Alli being a complete pig, on the other hand, was maddening. She was always leaving clothes lying around the floor on my room for me to trip over in the middle of the night, and there were remnants of her morning routine in the bathroom sink. I liked to keep my space generally organized, and I definitely kept my sink clean, so I felt endlessly frustrated with Alli's disregard for sanitation.

Not to mention, I was starting to feel our living arrangements slowly take a toll on our friendship. I was stressed and angry all the time and Alli remained totally oblivious. Every time I broached the subject Alli seemed to think I was not to be taken seriously.

Then, whenever I brought up the subject with Sav, he would thank me for being so generous in the first place. It was sweet that he was so appreciative, but the only comfort he had to offer me was that the arrangement was temporary. Of course, he would assure me, should I get pushed too far, he would talk to his parents about working things out. All I had to do was say the word.

"Someone's looking pensive," Sav joked, poking me in the side as he parked the car in front of an unfamiliar restaurant.

"Sorry…I was just lost in thought…I'm all yours now."

Sav smiled as he got out of the car, and crossed past the front bumper quickly so he could open the door for me. "Good, because you know I've always been one hundred percent yours. I want this night to be all about us; cute couple stuff we never get to do with Alli around to pretend like she's gagging."

"I think I can manage that," I smiled softly as Sav took my hand and lifted me from the car. We started walking toward the restaurant, still intertwined, and I rested my head against Sav's shoulder, content. "Where are we anyway?"

"The Spaghetti House," Sav turned his head to wink at me.

"Seriously? I mentioned wanting to come here weeks ago!" I exclaimed, remembering the not-so-subtle hints that I had dropped. Sav made it seem like he had completely ignored me when in reality he had picked up on what I was saying. "You're such a sneak, but I love it."

Sav pulled me tighter for a moment before opening the door to the restaurant for me, "Anything for milady."

The main room of the restaurant was fairly small and crowded, but Sav had made reservations, so we were led to a table for two in the center of the dining area. After giving us our menus, the hostess stalked off. "This place is really nice," I commented, silently thanking my lucky stars that I _had _worn a dress. "Should we split the bill?" Sav glared at my across the table and I held my hands up in instant surrender. "The thought never even crossed my mind!"

Sav chuckled and started to flip through the menu. "That's my girl. Seriously, though, don't worry about the money. My dad let me run some extra work errands this week so I could earn some extra cash, and I want nothing more than to spend it on you."

I flushed and looked up to find Sav staring at me, a look of admiration in his eyes. I hoped the feeling I got in the pit of my stomach when he looked at me like that never went away.

After we ordered, Sav and I fell into comfortable conversation. He asked me if my parents were still seeing each other often, which they were, and I told him they continued to be weird and elusive about the whole thing. We talked about school, teachers, current events that we had heard about.

When the food came we fell silent because it was so delicious, but the night was still amazing. Spending time with Sav always managed to make me feel beautiful, safe and at home, and I didn't want the night to end.

We finished up our meals, and Sav assured me that he had alternate plans for our dessert. So after he paid the bill, which he wouldn't even let me see despite my complaints, we got back into the car and Sav started toward a destination unknown to me.

Sav even gave me control of the radio as he drove, which was a very rare occurrence. Basically, the night was perfect. And that had been my thought before Sav pulled into an obscure parking lot, announcing our arrival to stop number two.

"Please tell me this stop is cheap," I joked, winking at Sav.

"Free actually," he smiled brightly at me and I tilted my head in inquisition, but he only hopped out of the car and started to remove his shoes and socks.

"What are you doing?" I giggled, crossing around the front of the car and getting a whiff of salt in the light breeze.

"Well…this is a beach, so I am trying to avoid sand in my shoes."

My face brightened instantly. "A beach?" I pulled off my flats in an instant and Sav and I tossed our shoes into the backseat of the car.

Sav pulled me under his arm and we started toward the metal staircase that lead down to the sandy area. The stretch of beach wasn't huge, but I could just barely make out the opposite end. "I thought it would be an interesting place to take a walk. Not to mention, it's dark, and late enough in the season, that we can have the place to ourselves." Sav's arm tightened around me, and I snuggled close to his side as we made our way close to the water's edge. I was so lost in the water and the stars and the perfect scene before me that I actually jumped when Sav broke the silence after a little while. "So…yesterday I started applying to some colleges," he ventured softly. After my heart rate returned to normal I looked up at him and gave a small, encouraging smile.

"That's great Sav; like where?"

"Well, University of Toronto was one of them…the University of Winnipeg was on the list, too."

"Well, that's great," I put on a brave face although my heart sank at the thought of Sav going off to Winnipeg. It wasn't horribly far, but I hadn't even thought of him shipping off to college yet. I clung closer to him, suddenly unwilling to let go.

"Um, but there was one school in particular; it's a long-shot, but it would be beyond amazing if I got in," Sav rambled nervously, and I started to feel anxious in reaction to his sudden shift in mood.

"Spit it out, Sav; you know you can tell me anything."

"Well…I sent in my application to the Manhattan School of Music. They're really selective, so I probably won't even get in. I guess that means it's not even a big deal, but they have a great course of study and it's really focused on what I want. They're like a world renowned conservatory and it would be so pandemic if I did get it…but we can always cross the bridge when we come to it…"

I held up my hand to silence Sav's anxious chatter. There was almost too much for me to wrap my head around; Sav wanted to go to college in the states? It would be so hard to visit each other…but if it made him happy; if that's what he wanted…I could support him. Hell, I loved him. I wanted him to chase his dreams. We could make it work, when he got in.

I took a deep breath, mustering my courage, and started. "Sav, first of all, you're extraordinarily talented, so you _will_ get in. Second, I love you and you should go to college wherever you want."

"You're not mad," he seemed amazed by the fact, incredulity dripping from his words.

"Why would I be? I mean, would I love to keep you in Toronto with me…yeah, I would. But I can't be that selfish. Sav, music is your dream. I want you to follow it. And you and I are strong…if we're supposed to work out I guess we'll try the whole long distance thing."

Suddenly, Sav stopped walking and bent down to capture my lips in a passionate kiss that literally stole the breath right from me. His lips were moving against my mouth in a way I was not familiar with, demanding yet gentle. I could feel all the passion and love that he felt for me; kind of like he was trying to pour his soul into my own. I shivered, leaning closer to him, wanting to remember what the moment felt like forever.

Sav pulled away too soon, though, and I was left dizzy and breathless. "Wow," I commented, "what was that for?"

I heard the hitch in Sav's voice when he spoke, proving he had been just as affected but the unexpected, yet powerful, moment. "For being the most amazing girl in the world. I love you so much; sometimes it scares the crap out of me."

"Then we should have no problem when you go off to school in New York," I joked, a hit of pleading seriousness lurking under my tone.

Sav pulled me close again and kissed the top of my head. "No problems," he agreed.

XXX

I opened my locker, leaned in and let out a huge yawn. The late night had been worth it, but I was feeling a tad groggy…and Alli was starting to get frustrated.

"Seriously, Clare, who falls asleep in the shower? I didn't even have time to do my hair this morning," she complained for about the millionth time. I looked over at her and I had to admit it was odd seeing Alli sport her silky, raven hair piled atop her head instead of flowing around her shoulders in waves. But it wasn't like she looked bad…she never looked bad.

"I think you look great, Alli…besides, part of the reason I didn't get any sleep last night was your snoring." I stuck my tongue out at her when she gasped in horror.

"I do not snore," Alli whispered maliciously.

"You're right; it must have been my neighbors mowing their lawn in the middle of the night."

"Oh, good one, Edwards," Eli smirked proudly at me as he started to fiddle with the padlock on his locker. "I've taught you the art of sarcasm well."

"Great; when's graduation from the Goldsworthy School of Snark?" I sneered, smiling playfully at him.

"As soon as you stop using jokes like that," Eli smiled at his own jab and I punched him lightly in the shoulder.

"Annnnyyyywayyyy," Alli drew out the word, "Clare, do I really snore?"

"Just a little," I admitted. "It's cute." Eli snorted at my flimsy attempt to make Alli feel better. Alli bought it, though; she gave me a relieved smile."

"There's my girl!" Drew called from down the hallway, swooping in and draping his arm around Alli. She smiled up at him lovingly and Eli made a gagging sound. I laughed, shaking my head…but I felt kind of the same way about Alli and Drew's sickly sweet puppy dog eyes.

"If it isn't Mr. and Mrs. High School," Eli smirked exaggeratedly, and I was caught off guard again by how…gorgeous the boy was. The good thing about Eli, though, was he always ruined my swooning moment by opening his mouth. "The only person we need to complete this love scene would be Clare's boy-toy."

"_Sav_," I emphasized, "is in the music room for a while. He's a recording a live demo for his application to the Manhattan School of Music." I couldn't keep the proud parent tone of my voice down…it was just that I _was_ proud of Sav. Even if that meant, come next year, I couldn't be as close to him as I would like."

"He's going to school in the states?" Eli asked, trying to keep his voice indifferent. But some unidentifiable emotion seemed to creep into his voice…it sounded a lot like…hope?

"Well, it's not certain yet, but he's considering it, yes." Eli just nodded, eyeing me funnily. "Anyway, Alli, Drew, you guys are free this period, right?"

"As a bird," Alli assured me and Drew just nodded.

"Great; Eli, should we make them our first victims?"

Eli perked right up and started to rub his hands together in a mad scientist kind of way. In his best Igor voice he said, "Yes, master!" It was a little freaky when he let out an evil cackle.

"Could you at least try to be normal for a minute?" I joked, pushing him hard enough that he almost stumbled over.

"Normalcy is a figment of the imagination. By the way," Eli whipped his phone out of his pocket. "It's for you, Edwards. The pot is angry at you for calling the kettle black."

"Har, har," I shook my head and both Alli and Drew rolled their eyes.

"So what exactly are we volunteering to be victims for?" Drew piped up nervously as we made our way toward the library.

"Eli and I have decided to take on a little project. Basically we just need to ask you two if you think love is a choice or an emotion beyond human control. After we've interviewed enough students, we'll make a display and install it in the JT Yorke memorial garden. Eli already cleared it with Simpson," I explained, reaching up to ruffle Eli's hair…mostly because I knew it would drive him insane.

He expertly side-stepped my attempt, catching my arm mid-reach; the closer Eli and I got the more he seemed to ignore his unspoken, careful rules regarding human contact. Of course, it was only with me- he still refused to get physically close to anyone else. "That was a pitiful attempt, woman."

"You know I hate it when you call me that," I grumbled, pulling my arm free of his grasp.

"I know," he responded, smug as ever. I saw Alli raise her eyebrows at me, all kinds of accusations in her eyes. Dang, there was going to be no escaping her…she was ruthless when I only saw her in school, but she lived with me now. I could already hear the earful she would give me later; ever since my epiphany, Alli had started to dislike Eli Goldsworthy more and more.

"Um, let's get started, shall we?" I quickly picked an empty table as we entered the library. Alli and Drew sat down next to each other, basically in each other's laps, so Eli and I took up residence on the other side of the table. I was expecting Eli to sit as far away from me as possible because, though he had been more open, he was still cautious and reserved, but he sat far too close. In fact, it seemed like he was trying to give Alli and Drew a run for their money.

I was about to shift away when I was suddenly caught off guard by how alluring Eli smelled. There was something musky about it…not a scent that came out of a bottle, but something totally Eli. I found myself inconspicuously inhaling, glancing up at Eli's face through my eyelashes. Why did he have to look so mysteriously handsome all the time?

Apparently I had not been inconspicuous enough, though. Alli cleared her throat loudly, shooting me daggers. I blushed a deep red before sliding my chair just far enough away that I would not offend Eli but the distance would please Alli.

"So, which one of you wants to go first?" Eli asked after making a funny face. He pulled out his English notebook from his backpack, the place we had decided to keep our tally, and uncapped his pen with his teeth.

"I guess I will," Drew announced, making his lovesick eyes at Alli. He leaned in quickly for a kiss, but Alli got a hold on the collar of his shirt and held him in place as their kiss intensified.

"Okay, obviously they have other plans for their lips," Eli sneered.

"Sorry," Alli giggled, finally releasing Drew. "We'll behave."

"Doubtful," Eli suggested under his breath so only I would be able to hear and I couldn't choke back my laugh. Alli and Drew watched the exchange with distain…for very different reasons. "So, Drew do you think you have to choose to fall in love, or does fate choose who you fall in love with?"

"I think it's a choice," Drew decided after a moment of deliberation. "I've known some people who are so completely in denial about feelings that they become an emotionless automaton. Just like happiness, or any other emotion, love is a choice." Eli started to scribble in the notebook as soon as Drew started talking, but when Drew mentioned denial Eli's cheeks colored with the lightest of blushes and his pen hesitated over the paper for a brief moment. In my peripheral I saw Eli's eyes flicker to me and then away almost so quickly I could have sworn I imagined it.

"Good," I breathed immediately, suddenly desperate to keep things moving. "Your turn, Alli."

But she was ignoring me. "So did you have to choose to fall in love with me, boo?" I rolled my eyes at Eli and he gave me a sweet, small smile.

"You're so beautiful, the choice wasn't that hard," Drew shot back.

"I think I'll have to write that one down; that's a great line," Eli asserted sarcastically.

"As if you need any new material, smart ass."

Eli's hand flew to his mouth in mock horror. "Did Clare Edwards just swear? I think this must be the end of the world!"

"See, right there…girls fall all over that arrogance; adding clichés to the mix will only make you irresistible. We wouldn't want that, now would we?"

"Clare, didn't you say it was my turn?" Alli broke in before Eli could make another comment.

"Yeah," I blushed, realizing that Elli and I had done it again. It just always seemed like the other people in the room started to fade away when we were together. Which was bad; I shouldn't feel like that. But I had it under control. Right?

"Same question," Eli prompted, the same ounce of annoyance in his voice that he got every time he talked directly to Alli.

"I think love is out of control. I mean, if I had a choice in the matter I would definitely avoid boys altogether…it would certainly make life at home much easier. And, especially at our age, when hormones are so out of control, we don't get to consciously choose who we fall for, you know?"

"Both great arguments," I smiled at Alli and Drew as Eli finished the last of his scribbles and capped the pen. "Thanks for letting us use you guys as our test run."

"No problem," Drew smiled, but I knew he would not have participated if Alli hadn't forced him.

"Yeah, that was kind of fun," Alli admitted.

"Hey guys," I suddenly heard Sav's voice approach behind us. He swooped down to kiss my forehead before sitting at the head of the table. I saw Eli look down and fiddle with the rings on his fingers. "Whatcha doing?"

"That project I told you Eli and I were going to work on," I answered, reaching for his hand. "How was the music room?" I asked, and he gave my fingers a loving squeeze.

"Great. I'm not done yet…I was actually coming to find you and Alli to ask if you would be cool with walking home? I have to stay late to edit the track."

"That should be fine," I answered as Alli huffed. "Take all the time you need to make it perfect; I know you'll break a leg, or whatever."

"I think good luck is appropriate in this situation," Sav joked, bringing my hand to his lips and giving it a kiss. "I'll call you later?"

"Sure thing," I smiled. "I love you."

"I love you, too…and you Alli," Sav laughed, batting at her bun before getting up and pacing away from the table.

"I don't want Sav to go to college in the states," Alli said suddenly, jutting her lip out in a pout. "When he leaves who is going to be my ally at home? I need him. Damn him for being such a good big brother. If he were a pain in the butt I wouldn't have to miss him when he leaves."

"We don't know if he's going yet," I pointed out, secretly agreeing with Alli. Sav was so sweet; it would be so sad if he moved stateside.

"The school would be stupid to reject him; he's amazing."

I couldn't argue with Alli on that point. "Don't worry baby, you'll still have me," Drew kissed the top of her head. I assumed that was his way of being supportive and comforting, but it just seemed kind of out of place in context.

"Very consoling," Eli joked scathingly. "I'm sure that you'll replace her _brother_ perfectly."

For once, Alli didn't look like she wanted to throw something at Eli; there was a begrudging agreement in her eyes.

Thankfully, before Drew could come up with something to say, the bell rang, saving us from anymore awkwardness.

"I'll meet you at the front steps, okay, Alli?" She nodded and her and Drew went their way as Eli and I went ours. He seemed to be lost in thought, though, and didn't say much to me as I grabbed everything I would need for the night from my locker. "See you tomorrow." Eli nodded at me once before I turned on my heel and walked away. Alli feel into step with me as soon as I walked out the front doors. We were quiet for a few blocks, but then Alli seemed to explode.

"We need to talk."

I gulped, knowing this had been coming. Those were never good words to start a conversation with. "Okay, so, talk."

"Clare, Drew and I are dating, but you and Eli seemed to flirt more than we do!"

"Okay, so we flirt; I was unaware that was a crime," I put up my defenses right away.

"It is when you've admitted to being attracted to him on some level. And just think about the way he looks at you, Clare. You're giving him the wrong idea! Stop it; Sav would probably flip if he saw the way you two were acting earlier."

"God, Eli and I are just friends! Why can't you just trust me? I can handle this! Sav has nothing to worry about because nothing is going to happen."

"Alright, fine, answer me this: if you saw Sav flirting with another girl would it not make you jealous?"

I wanted to deny it for the sake of my argument, but I thought of how Sav had acted around Anya when we had run into her the very first time we had hung out. I had been jealous then and Sav and I weren't even dating. Now that we were that jealousy probably would have been multiplied.

"I'm not going to say that I wouldn't," I admitted, but kept on before Alli could cut in, "but Sav and I are mature enough to trust each other…as we should. After I got over the initial jealousy I would see that there was nothing to worry about."

Alli rolled her eyes at my answer. "Yeah, but it's more than just flirting with you and Eli. You guys have some bizarre chemistry that is hard not to pick up on. I just don't like it. I think it would be better for you to stay away from him, Clare."

I couldn't help the anger that spiked. I was sick and tired of people telling me who I could be friends with and who I couldn't. "Look, I appreciate your concern, but I am capable of choosing my own friends, thank you. I love Sav, Alli. I'm not going to throw our relationship away from some mysterious boy that I have minimal information about. Eli's a good guy when you get to know him; damaged, but he's thoughtful and smart. I enjoy his company, and I don't need you to tell me I'm making some kind of tactical error. Eli knows that I am with Sav. End of story."

I stormed ahead of her a few feet so she couldn't respond. I hated that I would have no escape when I got home because Alli would be in my room with me…

The rest of the walk home was awkward and fueled with my fuming anger. It didn't help matters when I walked through the front door to find my mom and dad sitting at our kitchen table laughing over coffee.

"There's my Clare-bear!" Dad exclaimed when he saw me. "How was school?"

"What are you doing here?" I asked, not even bothering to hide my confusion. His face fell, and my mom shifted in her seat uncomfortably. The atmosphere suddenly changed- like pressure dropping in an instant. It was dizzying the way they were both staring at me with such pity. What the hell?

Alli seemed to sense the change as well and inched toward the stairs. "I'll, um, be upstairs if you need me," she announced before taking off. I heard the faint click of my door after a few seconds, and my parents didn't even move a muscle in front of me.

Maybe it was the fight I had just had with Alli, or maybe it was the fact that I had been waiting for an explanation from them for weeks without fruition, but I suddenly snapped. "You know, none of this is fair to me. You guys just got divorced; make up your minds! You won't tell me what's going on, but you're always together, and I am sick of thinking the worst. Can you just stop jerking me around and tell me what's going on!"

My mom pulled out a chair for me and patted it; a solemn look on her face. "Sit down, sweetie, we need to talk."


	7. Big Bird in a Small Cage

**Hola, my beautiful readers! I don't have much of an author's note this time, so let me just say that I do not own Degrassi! If I did, why would I be writing Fan Fiction? This stuff would be canon, people. **

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I didn't know what to expect as I slowly set myself in the chair between my parents. They continued to eye me with the utmost sympathy, but I couldn't fathom why; they had already divorced. That had been the worst possible news I could have received…wasn't it?

"Your father has something he needs to tell you, Clare," my mother started, placing her hand over my own and giving a comforting squeeze. "You have to promise to keep an open mind and remember that we must support each other, though."

"You guys are scaring me," I pointed out, whipping my head between my dad's ashamed, worried face and my mom's look of pity.

"Clare-bear," my dad sighed, placing his hand on top of Mom's over my own. "I got this really great job offer. I have been offered the position of partner at a reputable firm, Clare. They're willing to pay me double the salary I've been making…everything about this offer just seems God-sent."

I let out the breath that I had been holding in relief. "You guys really had me thinking that something _bad_ was happening. Sheesh, Dad, that's great news! I'm so happy for you."

Neither my mother nor father's faces relaxed, though. They both still looked pained. "Clare, sweetie, that's not really what we sat you down to tell you," my mom explained gently and I leaned back in my chair.

"Oh, okay…so, what is?"

"The, um, this firm that I would be working at…it's, well, Clare, it's in Quebec."

It took me a moment to absorb what had been said, but once I had deduced the meaning the impact was rough. Perhaps it was my argument with Alli that had me on edge, or maybe it was the fact that they had neglected to keep me informed till it was too late for me to have an opinion. Whatever the reason, though, I immediately started to tear up, my mouth hung open in shock and I stuttered out my question. "And yo-you're taking this job, a-aren't you?" When Mom and Dad nodded in tandem, the tears started to roll down my face. "That's eight hours away, Dad…you-you can't!"

"Clare, it would be silly not to; this is an amazing opportunity for me!"

I shot out of my chair, knocking my chair over in the process. "I'm just getting used to this divorce!" I turned to my dad and pointed an accusing finger at him. "You promised, remember? You promised that this divorce would not break us apart as a family! But you're breaking you're promise; you're abandoning me and Mom! You can't be here for me if you're _eight hours away!_" I was vaguely aware that I was throwing a tantrum far below my maturity level…but I was just so upset, angry, disappointed, confused. The divorce had been okay when we still saw each other all the time. Now if would feel like a real divorce, though. Dad would be out of the picture completely…Mom would actually have to be a single parent. And I would never see him.

A frustrated sob broke free from my chest as I ran toward the stairs. I had to be alone; I didn't want to talk about my dad's _great_ news for a second longer. "Clare, please, wait; we still have details we need to hash out," my mom called after me, but I simply slammed my bedroom door in response. I sunk down to the floor, lightly knocking my head against the door in attempt to beat out the information I had just received. It seemed like a good time to develop amnesia…

"I'm going to assume their news wasn't that great, huh?" Alli chirped from atop my bed. I looked up to find a sheepish look on her face and my journal in her hands. Frustrated and defeated, I let my head fall back again, pounding on the door much harder; I had forgotten about my roommate in all the shock of my dad's announcement. I really just wanted to be alone.

"I don't want to talk about it," I growled. It wasn't Alli's fault my dad was suddenly moving out of my life…I shouldn't take it out on her. But I felt like a loaded gun; ready to fire at the tiniest crook of a finger.

"Oh, okay…so, um, Clare, do you often write in your journal in the bathroom?"

It was such a strange question, and it immediately distracted me from the pity party I was holding for myself. I remember the night before, Alli had been tossing and turning, snoring loudly, and I couldn't fall asleep. That, combined with Sav's big news about college, had made me restless, so to get away from it all I decided to start a journal entry. Of course, it had been hard to concentrate with Alli being distracting as she was, so I had moved to the bathroom, shutting the door for some peace and quiet. I had forgotten that I left the journal in there…but there was no way I was telling Alli that. It would offend her, and though I was still a bit miffed at her, that was the last thing I wanted.

"No, not often…I was just in a weird mood last night," I offered weakly.

"Well…you should probably avoid leaving your journal in there from now on…"

Alli's tone finally caught my full attention; she refused to look me in the face. "Alli, what did you do…?"

"Clare, it was an accident, I swear! Like, I am such a total klutz, and I am so, so sorry. I'll buy you a new journal, just please don't be mad at me." Alli cringed, waiting for my reaction, but I was still confused as to why Alli looked so guilty.

Then the meaning of her words sunk into my head, taking on concrete relevancy. "Why do I need a new journal, Alli?"

Alli gulped, still not looking me in the eye. I stood from my spot on the ground, but made no more move to approach her. I was frozen, waiting for an explanation.

"I didn't want to, like, eavesdrop on you and your parents, so I put in my headphones, right? And my favorite song came on, so I started to dance around your room. I, um, danced my way into your bathroom…and, well I know you put the seat down on the toilet, but I'm not used to that because Sav never does….but anyway, I guess I was the last one to use it. So, like, your journal was on the edge of the counter, so I must have knocked it while I was dancing…and it went into the toilet," Alli cringed, and spit out the rest of her words without taking a single breath. "But it wasn't in there for long, and I got it out right away, and I dried it off, so there are only a few pages that blurred, but it's still kind of gross, so I'll buy you a new one! I am so, so, so sorry, Clare! Please don't kill me!"

On any other day I would have understood. On any other day I would have let her off the hook; hugged her and told her it was just a journal. On any other day I would have laughed it off with her, poking fun at Alli for managing to take clumsiness to a new level.

But it was not any other day. And Alli's news was enough to pull the trigger on my loaded gun.

I was a bullet, and Alli was my target.

"Get out of my house, Alli; it's time for you to leave!"

Alli looked stunned for a second, but then I saw the tears well in her eyes. "Wait, Clare, what? I know you're attached to your journal, but-,"

I cut her off, not wanting to hear a second more of what she had to say. "It's high-time you went home," I growled. "I am sick and tired of your messiness. You never do as I ask, and it is _my_ room, Alli! You leave your clothes all over the floor for me to trip over, you leave my bathroom a mess, and I can't sleep at night because you roll around the bed and you snore! I am sick and tired of having you hogging my space…I need somewhere where I can just be by myself! You need to _go home_, Alli. Talk to your parents because I can't have you here anymore!"

The tears were streaming down her face, but I didn't stick around to hear whatever defense she had. I turned on my heel and fled down the stairs. As I approached the front door I could hear my parents calling after me in confusion, demanding that I listen to what they had to say. But I was done listening. I was done with the people in my life. If I couldn't go to my room to be alone I would find someplace else; someplace far away.

As I angrily stalked off down the sidewalk, my fury started to wane, burning away with every step that I took. Soon enough, as the angry bitterness started to melt away, it left room for a more pressing emotion- guilt.

Alli hadn't really deserved any of the words that I had slung at her; she wasn't the person I had been frustrated with. Not to mention, I had been pretty cruel to her; unfair. Nothing I had said was untrue, but the way I had blown up on her was unnecessary.

Almost as unnecessary as the way I had treated my parents…

By the time I reached the park, I was more depressed and upset than pissed. I collapsed on the first bench I spotted, dropping my head in my hand and letting the tears stream down my face. How could I have been so selfish; so stupid? It was never pretty when I let my emotions get the best of me, but, to make matters worse, instead of fixing my problems, I was hiding from them. Yet, I couldn't bring myself to start the walk home. I was still upset at more than just myself, and I didn't have the sanctuary of my room to go to pieces. So I had to do it in public…

I didn't know how much time passed before I heard the steady _thump-thump, thump-thump_ of an approaching jogger. I kept my head down, hoping whoever it was would pay me no mind as I continued to cry out my frustrations.

Apparently it wasn't my day, though, because the rhythm of the steps faltered at I heard them grow louder. "Clare…is that you?"

My head snapped up immediately to find the very last person I had wanted to see in that moment.

Eli stood before me, wiping off the sweat from his forehead with his arm, before checking his pulse. He was wearing sweatpants, old, worn running shoes….and no shirt.

My eyes were immediately drawn to the exposed flesh of his toned stomach…if I had found him attractive before…well, there was no way the image of shirtless, sweaty Eli would ever leave my head. Dammit.

"E-Eli," I stuttered foolishly. "Wh-what are you doing here?" I forced my eyes to leave his subtle, but evident, abs and look him in the eye. Worst idea ever…he was smirking knowingly at me. Double dammit.

But, when he got a good look at my swollen eyes, the smirk slipped off his face in an instant. "Have you been crying, Clare?"

I cleared my throat and averted my eyes. I didn't want to do this; not with _Eli_ of all people. '_Dear God, why now; why today? Are you testing me or something?_' I silently thought to myself before answering Eli's question.

"What gave me away; the tears?"

My attempt at sarcasm was frail, at best, and Eli shook his head before sitting down beside me on the bench. "You don't have to pretend you're strong like that, Edwards. A simple yes would have been fine…either way I'm going to sit here till you tell me what's wrong."

I sighed, hating him for caring, while swooning all the same. '_Sav_,' I reminded myself before I proved Alli's worries to be justified. '_What would Sav think…_?'

"What makes you think that I'll tell you what's wrong?"

"Because usually when people cry they're upset, and sharing seems to help in most cases. I want to help, Clare; talk to me. You were fine at school…don't tell me this is about the possibility of Sav going off to the U.S. for college. Because, even if he gets in, he may not decide to go, so there's no reason to get so worked up about it now."

I let out a small chuckle at Eli's absurd assumption and his attempt at giving advice, swiping away the last few tears that slid down my face. "My life doesn't revolve around Sav, you know. That's not even close to what has me so worked up."

"Shot in the dark," Eli shrugged and then leaned in to lightly bump me with his shoulder. "I got you to smile, though."

"That you did," I mumbled, distracted by the fact that his _naked shoulder_ had just touched me.

"So are you going to tell me what's wrong, or have you interrupted my jog for nothing?"

"You stopped of your own accord," I pointed out defensively.

"Sheesh, Edwards, relax; I know that. Seriously, what has your panties in a bundle?"

I sighed, not sure that spilling my guts to Eli would be helpful. On one hand, we had gotten so close in the past few weeks. On the other, I still knew nearly nothing about him. Still, he was offering, and I kind of did want a second opinion. Not to mention Eli had only been present for a few minutes and he had already managed to put me in a better mood. There was just something about him that made me feel saner when I was near him…ignoring the fact that I was hopelessly nervous every time he was around. Especially, it would seem, when he was shirtless…

"Okay, so I told you all about my parents' divorce, right?"

Eli cocked his head at me. "You mean that extremely civil arrangement your family came to that barely constitutes as divorce; yeah, I remember it," he smirked at me, and I really wanted to hit him.

"If you're going to listen to my problems could you at least pretend like you're not an asshole for the moment?"

"Erm…that's quite a challenge," Eli scrunched his face to portray mock effort. "But, I _suppose_ it's worth a shot."

"You're making it really hard for me to want to spill my guts to you."

"Well, good, I prefer if you kept all your internal organs…well, internal."

I rolled my eyes at his goofiness. "You're just really bad at this."

Eli took a deep breath and then turned back to me. "Okay, seriously, talk to me. I won't be an idiot anymore."

I wanted to make another joke about how he was incapable of such a thing, but Eli was staring at me with such sincerity and compassion in his haunted eyes that I couldn't resist; I broke down once again. "My dad's moving, Eli," I mumbled into my hands, not wanting him to see me cry. "I'm never going to see him again. It'll be like a real divorce."

I felt Eli's hand gently come in contact with my back, right between my shoulder blades. Then, after a few moments, he shifted closer to me, applied more pressure, and started to rub tentative, soothing circles. "How far away is he moving?" he asked after my tears started to slow again, his hand never stopping while I cried myself dry.

"Quebec…eight hours away from here..."

"I hate to sound like a snob, Edwards, but I'm sure you'll still see him. You could visit him on weekends, he could come here from time to time…he is your dad. I doubt he'll be able to forget about his amazing daughter, so he'll be around. It won't be the same, but I'm sure he has a good reason for moving…?" Eli trailed off, leaving the statement open ended, like a question, so that I might hop in and finish his thought.

"He got an amazing job offer to be a partner in a budding firm down there. It's going to pay well, and all that jazz."

Eli continued rubbing his palm across my back and tried to make his voice as gentle as possible. "Then do you really think it's fair to be this upset about it? You should try to be happy for him, Clare. I'm sure your mother and him wouldn't have even considered the offer if it wasn't the best thing for your family. From what I hear they care about you way too much."

Eli was right. So horribly, obviously right that I wanted to run home that instant and fall to my knees in repentance. Then I would hug both my parents so tight…I would miss my dad, no doubt, but he wanted this. It wouldn't be fair of me to throw a tantrum. Well, aside from the one that I had already thrown.

"Thanks for putting it in perspective, Eli. I…well I really needed that."

He smiled brightly and, much to my forbidden disappointment, removed his hand from where it had been sliding lower to the small of my back. "No problem, Clare," his words were so sincere that I couldn't help but smile fondly back at him. I was caught up in the moment, but thankfully, my subconscious was used to saving me; the image of Sav's face flashed into my head bringing with it a surge of instant guilt. Of course, right along with Sav, came Alli, and the guilt intensified. I wasn't sure what exactly my face had given away as my thoughts tumbled along frantically, but Eli's eye seemed to catch every subtle flicker. "Is there anything else you want to talk about?"

I cringed lightly, not really wanting to relive my meltdown. "It's nothing," I assured him. Alli and I were best friends, and I already knew I screwed that one up…but if anyone knew how to fix it, it would be me. Eli wouldn't be much help on that front.

He raised his eyebrows at me, clearly sensing that it wasn't 'nothing', but it seemed as if he would drop it. "Okay, well, I'll leave you to it, then. See you tomorrow, Clare." With a heart-stopping smirk in my direction he started to get up from the bench, presumably to resume his jog.

"Wait!" Unthinkingly, I latched onto his arm, pulling him back down, and he basically collapsed on top of me.

The breath rushed out of his lungs in a swoosh when his back hit my knee roughly. "Jesus, Edwards, there are easier ways to get close to me," he choked out, looking up at me with an amused smirk despite the position he was in.

"Shut up," I laughed, shoving him off my lap. He stood up again, raising his eyebrows in question. "I just want to thank you again…you know, for listening and stuff." I blushed as Eli smiled. He was opening his mouth to say something, but I gathered my courage and cut him off. "Why haven't I been able to listen to you? You know, you never talk to me about your life."

His face fell immediately. "I…look, you've been a great friend," Eli ran his hand through his hair nervously before catching my gaze and holding it. "But I'm not ready to talk to anyone about what my life is like. I mean, I just…I can't do it yet, okay? But, um, don't give up on me, Clare…please, just trust me."

He looked so broken that I couldn't help but feel shattered just by looking at him. And, strangely, I did trust him. "I understand. But you know I'm here for you when you are ready, right?"

He nodded. "Yeah, that's what seems to set you apart from everyone else," he whispered, so softly that I could have misheard. His eyes flashed with some emotion that was gone before I had the chance to identify it and he covered up the broken boy with his cynical smirk once again. Louder, he added, "Well, I better get back to my jog. I have to get to work later, and I don't want to be late."

"Where do you work?" I couldn't help the need to squelch my curiosity though Eli suddenly looked antsy to get going. It was just that he had never mentioned a job before, and I instantly latched onto the shred of new information.

"In due time, Edwards; in due time…see tomorrow morning," he repeated, waving as he started off jogging before I had the chance to answer.

I sighed as I watched him go, my eyes traveling across his lean body in action. I shook my head angrily at my stupidity, getting up and walking in the opposite direction; toward home. I prepared myself for the major amounts of groveling I would have to do as soon as I made it inside. But it wasn't like the people I had blown up on didn't deserve an apology; especially Alli. My harsh words had been especially unnecessary, and I had to let her know that she was still welcome as long as she needed to stay.

I reached my door just as the sun was starting to set, swallowed my pride, and then walked in. Things were peculiarly quiet, but my mother was on the couch watching the news quietly as I locked the door behind me.

"Um, where's dad?" I asked her sheepishly, rocking back on my heels nervously.

"He had to leave a little bit ago; he had an important meeting to attend."

Her tone was just slightly icy, but it was enough to send chills down my spine.

"Mom, I'm really sorry about the way I acted, okay? I just…it was a lot to digest on the spot like that. But I want Dad to be happy, and if he has to move to Quebec to do that, I will support him 100 percent."

"You should tell _him_ that," she pointed out, but her tone had softened and she turned to smile at me. "We're not upset with you, Clare. We were a little taken aback by your reaction, but you act with such maturity, that we often forget you're only a teenager. We knew we should have told you about the possibility of your father moving as soon as he got the offer…but he will be happy to hear that you're going to be supportive."

I nodded, a few traitor tears sliding down my cheeks again. I had sworn there was nothing left for me to cry…

My mother swiftly got up from the couch and pulled me in for a tight embrace. I hugged back, clutching onto her with all my might. "I'm going to miss him," I whimpered into her chest.

"I am, too, sweetie. Even after the divorce your father has been there for me no matter what. There will be a lot of adjusting that must be done…we'll have to figure out the living arrangements. We thought it would be nice for you to spend every other weekend in Quebec, but we won't set any kind of schedule."

I nodded; it all sounded exactly like I had been picturing it in my head…a lot less time with Dad. But we would work things out; we were strong.

"That sounds nice," I commented vaguely before pulling away from my mother. "Is Alli still here, by any chance?"

"Why would she have left?" My mom suddenly looked so confused that relief instantly washed over me. This had been the easy part…now it was time for the hard apology.

"Oh, never mind…I just have to go talk to her. I love you, Mom; I'm sorry for the way I acted earlier."

"You're forgiven, dear. I'll have dinner ready in an hour, okay?" she asked, already headed for the kitchen.

"Sounds great," I called down the stairs, already halfway to my bedroom. I pushed open my door to find Alli calmly seated on my bed…sitting next to her packed suitcase. "Alli, no, let me explain; I am so sorry about everything I said. My parents had just told me that my dad was moving away to Quebec and you had been all over me about Eli before that…I let my emotions carry me away, but I didn't mean anything I said to you; not really. I love you, Alli, and if you need to stay here longer, you can. There's no expiration date on the offer. I was awful to you, but let me make it up; just stay!"

"Yeah …you were kind of awful," Alli started, but her tone wasn't the harsh one that I had been expecting. "But your mom already told me what happened…and nobody is perfect, right? I'll forgive you. Maybe not today, but I am more hurt than angry…mostly, I want to thank you; you were right, you know."

"About what, exactly?" I stuttered out, completely flabbergasted that Alli's tone was so level. I would never know what I had done to deserve the amazing people in my life, but they surely treated me better than I deserved. I should have had to beg, cry and grovel. Why was she so understanding?

"About needing to go home; I miss my bed, Clare. I miss my room. I miss having Sav down the hall…most of all, I miss my parents. I really want to work things out with them. I've been here, what, three weeks? I haven't even so much as seen them let alone spoke to them. You were right when you said it was time to talk. You've been wonderful, today aside, but I really need to go home and actually have a conversation with my parents."

I simply nodded; Alli knew what was best for her, and if she felt like going home was best, then I wouldn't argue. I just hoped beyond hope that I didn't push her into it before she, or her parents were ready. I would hate for them to have another blow up on my account.

"If things don't go well, Alli, you know you can come back, right?"

Alli laughed lightly, getting up from the bed and pulling me into a hug. "I know, Clare; let's just hope I don't need to." I laughed back in a wholehearted agreement. "Anyway, I called them about ten minutes ago; they should be coming any minute."

"I'm really sorry, Alli," I murmured once more.

"I know you are…don't beat yourself up about it. Just wish me luck," she added when we heard a car horn beep from the street.

"Good luck! They've probably missed you, so I shouldn't be too hard to come to a middle ground, right?"

Alli sighed, giving me another quick hug. "I sure hope so." She didn't sound so sure, but, still, she moved to grab one of her full bags. I grabbed the second and we made our way down the steps. "Thank you for everything, Mrs. Edwards," Alli called toward the kitchen.

My mom rounded the corner, wiping her hands on a dishtowel. "You're leaving, sweetie?"

"Yeah, I, uh, called my parents finally. I miss them. But you have been beyond helpful, and I love you! It's been so great of you to let me stay here for so long."

"Oh, Alli, you know I think of you as a second daughter," my mom smiled, pulling her in for a hug before releasing Alli and draping an arm around my shoulder. "I am glad you're going home, though; you and your family really need to fix whatever is broken."

Alli nodded and, after a few more thank you's, I helped her lug her bags out to the car. I waved at Mr. and Mrs. Bhandari, who gave me fond smiles in turn. Alli gave me one last hug, promised to see me in school the next day, and then got in the car. They pulled away from the curb and it felt weird to know that when I walked back into my room, I would be alone. As much as she had bugged me for the weeks that she had been in my room, I hadn't realized I would miss her constant presence in my life; always there when I needed her.

Of course, that was a bit melodramatic. Alli was still always there when I needed her.

"Hey, Clare, dinner's ready," my mom popped her head out the door, beckoning me to come join her. I smiled and ran back inside. "Things will sure be much quieter in here without Alli," my mom joked.

"No kidding," I laughed, grabbing two glasses from the cabinet and filling them with water before joining my mother at the table.

"She's a strong girl for going back, that's for sure."

"Yeah," I smiled, sighing, "She really is."

XXX

I was running a bit late the next day, so I texted Sav in the morning to let him know that they should leave for school without coming to get me.

Since it was the first night in a while that I didn't have Alli in my bed to contend with, I slept soundly…right through my alarm, in fact.

"Mom?" I called frantically down the stairs, "Can you give me a ride to school?"

"Shouldn't you have left already?" She called back

"Yes, hence why I need a ride!"

"I am leaving in 10 minutes," she appeared at the head of the stairs. "Be ready."

Without saying a word I flew back into my room, brushed my teeth at breakneck pace and slipped on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. My bed head was proving impossible to control so I pulled my hair back in a messy ponytail, trying my best to tame the strands of hair that continued to stick straight in the air. I grabbed my backpack and purse and got to the front door just as my mother was leaving, suitcase in hand. She simply nodded at me, impressed.

When we arrived at Degrassi I gave her a quick peck on the cheek. "Thanks for the ride; I love you." Without waiting to hear what she would say I flew out of the car and toward the school, checking my watch quickly to see that there was only fifteen minutes left in first period. I signed in with the office, got my late slip, and quietly, quickly found my desk. The teacher didn't even seem to notice, so caught up talking about polynomials, but Alli raised an eyebrow at me, taking in my choice of wardrobe. I shook my head subtly at her in a 'don't ask' kind of way.

I tried to catch up as much as possible, my hand flying across the page of my notebook, but I didn't get very far before the bell rang.

"You look cute," Alli snarked, poking me in the side.

I ignored her; there was a much more pressing issue to talk about. "What happened with your parents last night?"

A small smile tugged the corners of Alli lips upward and I took that as a good sign. "I'll tell you all about it at lunch," she promised. "I…I have to go find Drew right now, though."

"Oh, okay; have fun," I winked at her before heading to my locker.

"Have you been taking fashion tips from Oscar the grouch again, Edwards?" I heard a familiar voice pop up behind me.

"Very funny," I rolled my eyes at Eli. "I woke up late this morning, thank you very much." We stopped at our lockers and I shoved my backpack inside, pulling out my English binder. "Do I really look that frumpy, though?" I asked, suddenly self-conscious.

Eli took a moment too long to scan my body with his eyes, a satisfied smirk appearing on his face. I shivered a little, hating how it made me feel, but loving it all at the same time. "You know it doesn't really matter what you wear, Clare. You're still basically the prettiest girl I've ever seen."

His honesty caught me off guard, and the words themselves made me melt a little. Of course, it didn't help that he was staring at me with _those_ eyes- letting his guard down, all his misery and sincerity laid out for me to see. I couldn't get carried away; I had to say something, anything, that would put the atmosphere back where it was supposed to be.

"Well, who cares what you think," I chuckled lightly, the sound slightly off. Eli's smirk grew more pronounced.

"There are so many things I could say right now, but I'm not even going to go there."

I stuck my tongue out at Eli, slamming my locker close. We started down the hall together when, suddenly, I felt an arm around my waist. I looked up to see Sav giving me a small smile. "Can we go somewhere to talk?"

"We both have class in a minute…"

"Student council president, remember? I can get you in late without any hassle."

I had totally forgotten about Eli's presence until he scoffed at Sav's comment. "Oh, but English just won't be the same without you!" His voice was thick with sarcasm and, as always when Sav came around, Eli put up his invisible barriers again.

"Dude," Sav's voice was calm, but there was a hint of irritation. "Do you really have to be so sassy all the time?"

Eli laughed. "No, but life is more fun that way. Anyway, have fun playing house. I'll see you at lunch."

I waved after him and then turned to Sav. "What did you want to talk about?" He shook his head, grabbing hold of my hand and lugging me toward the Student Council office. Once we were inside, Sav locked the door and then turned to me, his expression unreadable. "Sav, you're kind of freaking me out; what is it?"

"I don't know whether I should be mad at you or if I should thank you."

I sighed, understanding. "You could do both," I joked.

"Okay…let me start by being mad. Clare, you kicked Alli out of your house!"

"That's not…entirely accurate," I tried, "but it's not like I don't feel the requisite guilt for everything I said."

Sav took a deep breath, let it out loudly, and then crossed over to where I was standing. He pulled me down onto the couch, grabbing my hands and keeping them in his. "I figured…and I don't want to play the blame game or point fingers. It's just that I told you to tell me when things got to be too much. I would have worked something else out, or whatever."

"I know and I'm sorry. It's just…yesterday was a bad day for me. My dad got a job in Quebec, Sav. He's moving away, and the news caught me off guard. I didn't mean to kick Alli out, but I got a little crazy."

"Clare," Sav's voice was saturated with sympathy and he pulled me onto his lap for a bone crushing hug. "I am so sorry to hear that," he kissed the top of my head lightly.

"Thanks," I said, relaxing into his chest. "But, still, it's not an excuse for how awful I treated Alli, and I know that. How did your parents react?"

"I think, since they've had so much time away from the situation, everything was pretty calm. We all had a long family talk last night, and we came to a compromise. They won't be so hard on Alli anymore and Alli promised to try and see things from their perspective more often. Which is why I wanted to thank you; things have never been better at the Bhandari pad."

"That is really great news," I snuggled closer to him. It was moments like these that made me remember why I fell in love with Sav. It was moments like these that made me wonder why I ever felt a pull toward Eli in the first place when Sav was so perfect. "I'm glad everything worked out." Everything was silent for a moment and Sav started to rub up and down my back. "Who needs class anyway?"

Sav laughed loudly. "This _is_ nice…and I'm not doing anything important in science today."

"And I love Miss Dawes, but I don't think I'll miss much if I skip one lecture." Sav smiled, leaned down and pressed his lips lightly to mine. He was about to pull away when I grabbed onto his shirt to pull him close again. "Where do you think you're going; I'm not done with you!"

Happy to oblige, Sav started to deepen the kiss, intensity building in the air. My breathing patterns started to become irregular as Sav's soft lips continued to move over my own. I sighed happily, forgetting where I was for the moment. Sav's hand slowly traveled to the hem of my t-shirt, playing with the fabric there before he skimmed his fingertips lightly over the skin of my stomach just past the thin barrier. I shivered, reveling in the feeling of his cold skin on my heated flesh. I let my own hands tangle in the hair at the nape of Sav's neck, giving a light tug.

"God, Clare, we have to stop," Sav whispered hoarsely, breaking away from the kiss. "As much as I would love to do this for the rest of the day…we are at school…and you _should_ go to class."

I groaned. "Look who decided to be the responsible one."

"The children are our future; stay in school!"

I giggled, getting up from the couch, "If I must." With one last, quick kiss I left for class.

The rest of the morning proved to be uneventful. The classes passed by ordinarily, and, as it turned out, I _could_ have skipped English. Dawes wasn't there and the sub was a helpless pushover, so the class spent the period loudly chatting as Eli and I discussed the last short story we had been assigned.

When lunch rolled around Sav, Eli and I sat down at our usual table, Alli and Drew the only two missing, but it was normal for them to be late. Eventually, though, Alli rushed over, her eyes red and puffy.

"Alli, what happened?" Sav asked in immediate concern, stealing the words right from my mouth.

"It's nothing, really," Alli assured us, sitting down in her spot next to Eli. "Drew just took the breakup worse than I had imagined, and that made it much harder. I never thought I would see Drew Torres cry."

"Wait, you broke up with Drew?" I asked incredulously.

"Weren't you two in love just yesterday?" Eli added, no trace of sarcasm in his voice for once.

"Well, I had a long talk with my parents yesterday," Alli started, but I wanted to save her the trouble of explaining something I already knew about.

"Sav told me all about it," I interjected.

"And you don't need to elaborate on my behalf; I don't really care all that much," Eli pointed out, smiling slightly at Alli civilly.

"Okay, well, I feel like this is our chance to rebuild our relationship, you know? We have this opportunity to come out the other end of this fight stronger than ever. And…it's kind of inspired me to rebuild myself in a way. I want to find out who I am, and to do that, I have to learn what it's like to be independent from boys. I really like Drew, but it's time for a new, stronger Alli."

I reached across the table to place my hand over hers. "I am really proud of you, Alli." She smiled brightly back at me, and, even though she hadn't officially forgiven me yet, I knew we were going to be okay.

"Mom and Dad are sure to be thrilled," Sav joked, but I could see that he was proud of her, too. It was a side of Alli that I had never seen before, but I really liked it. She was so strong, and I realized that, though I had always thought of myself as the mature one in our friendship, I had a lot I could learn from Alli.

I scooted in closer to Sav, clasping his hand under the table. As usual, I saw Eli's eyes catch every display of affection that passed between Sav and me with an unreadable expression.

Maybe I had to learn when it was time to hold on, and when it was time to let go.


	8. Alone in the Universe

**I want to give a huge thank you to everyone who has kept up with this story. I have gotten a lot of comments about Eli, and I am really glad you all like the way I wrote his character in this particular story. In the very near future (not in the chapter, but there will be a very big glimpse) you readers will get to find out about Eli's past. **

**Also, a quick note, this chapter takes place approximately a week after the last. Enjoy, everybody! **

Eli and I had interviewed just about every student at Degrassi for our little project, and the results had to be all over the place. We had yet to analyze them so we could come up with some kind of conclusion, but we seriously doubted there would be anything concrete.

On the plus side, the communications teacher, Mr. Thomason, had taken an interest in our project and was giving both Eli and I extra credit marks. This was awfully generous of him considering I was not in his class. Eli, on the other hand, was, and he was particularly pleased with the surprise.

Still, we had only three more people to interview before we could move on to the next step: Sav, myself, and Eli, ironically enough.

Alli, who tried to avoid the cafeteria at all costs since her breakup with Drew because he stared at her wistfully the entire period, had excused herself to study something or other in the library, leaving Eli, Sav and me alone.

She still wasn't totally thrilled with me since my bedroom outburst; all our interactions had been awkward and tentative. But, still, Alli was working hard to rebuild her life around her, and I was there for her every step of the way as long as she needed me. Our friendship was stronger than a couple of heated, cruel words, but I was still cautious to apologize every day, insanely guilty about the way that I had acted.

I sighed, pushing the thoughts of Alli from my mind for the time being so I could focus on the project.

Eli lowered himself onto the seat across from Sav and me, notebook open and ready to go. He flipped through all the answers we had already collected while Sav and I started to unpack our lunches. I watched Eli carefully number what would be our responses, and then add our names before glancing up at me expectantly.

"I hope you aren't waiting for me to ask the question…because if you don't know it by now, Edwards, I have severely overestimated your intelligence."

I sneered at him. "I was waiting for you to get ready, so you could actually listen. It's called consideration; you should try it sometime." Sav sniggered and wound his arm around my waist, pulling me close to him.

Eli simply rolled his eyes; he had been kind of quiet lately-different, weird. He kept asking me how I was feeling and all about my dad. He seemed genuinely concerned about me, toning down his normal snobby attitude and actually showing sympathy. It was starting to freak me out; I wanted normal Eli back. At least I knew what to expect out of that one; this Eli just worried me.

"_Well_," he prompted, "whenever you're ready, then. I wrote your name first, Clare," he pointed at me, raising his eyebrows expectantly.

I was suddenly nervous. I had a month to think about my answer and I still hadn't settled what it was exactly. Love was such an ambiguous concept to me; who was I to determine the nature of it? All I knew about love was that I was in it.

So, going with that, I thought about falling in love with Sav. It had happened kind of fast; blink and you miss it. I had ignored it for so long, but eventually it just caught up to me, sweeping me off my feet. "I think it's a combination of both a choice and an uncontrolled force," I decided. I was met by blank stares from both Sav and Eli. "What?" I questioned, suddenly self-conscious.

"That," Eli raised his eyebrow pointedly at me, "Is such a copout answer."

I scoffed, offended.

"As much as I hate to agree with Eli on anything," Sav joked, laughing, "he's kind of right, Clare-bear. That was weak."

"Would you give me a chance to explain?" I asked cheekily. Both boys held their hands up in surrender, so I took that as a go for it. "When I fell in love with Sav, it wasn't any kind of a choice. It happened so quickly that I nearly didn't understand what was going on. I mean, I adore you, Sav, but if I had a choice in the matter, I would rather not be murdered by Alli, you know? I was scared shitless when I had to tell her that we kissed; I didn't think I would make it back out of her room," I joked, and Sav chuckled happily, pulling me in closer. Eli kept his eyes trained on the paper, scribbling my answer with severe focus. "So, my point was, I didn't chose to fall in love; it happened of its own accord. I did, however, chose to acknowledge, and then act upon, said feelings of love. I had ignored it for so long, and I probably could have continued to do so if I really wanted to." I looked up at Sav and smiled as warmly as I was capable. "But I didn't want to. Because Sav is an amazing, guy, and I am so lucky to have him."

Sav leaned in to kiss me square on the lips. Usually he refrained from such potent displays of affection in front of Eli, so I was a little caught off guard, but the kiss certainly wasn't unwelcome. As I kissed him back, Eli didn't even pretend to gag; no snarky comment, nothing…which was disconcerting.

I broke away from Sav, giving him a bright smile. "I believe it is your turn, buddy," Eli's voice broke through the moment Sav and I were sharing.

"Oh, right," Sav turned back to Eli with a comical shake of his head—as if to dislodge his distraction. "I really have to go with choice. I mean, I look at it this way: the ultimate test of how much I love a girl is dealing with my parents. Obviously, sticking up for said girl in front of my parents, refusing to let the run my life, is a choice. And it is a choice I failed to make several times with Anya. When Clare wouldn't talk to me for a week…that's when I knew, and I made the choice to tell my parents I was seeing Clare, and I would continue to see Clare, as long as I wanted to. That's when I let myself, thought choice, fall in love with Clare." Sav concluded his monologue, a bright, goofy smile adorning his face. I was lost in him for a second, feeling his love all the way down to my toes, before someone in the cafeteria dropped one of the plastic trays. The loud clang snapped me back to attention and I saw Eli roll his eyes at me very deliberately.

I wanted to laugh, or cry out in happiness, since Eli had finally given me a normal, well normal for him, response to Sav's and my flirting. "You two need to find a room before you try to jump each other in front of me," he joked sarcastically, the usual edge of his words dulled considerably.

I simply narrowed my eyes at him, snatching the notebook from under his unsuspecting arm. Scanning the full page, I smiled at Eli's carefully scripted notes, the handwriting a lot neater than his usual chicken scratch. Normally it was illegible, and I made sure to tease him in English whenever the opportunity arose. But the fact that he had so carefully written out full transcripts of everyone's answer surprised me. He must have actually cared about our little project quite a bit, his effort shining through with each carefully shaped letter.

Following his system, I turned the page and copied down his full name, left the space to specify if the opinion was for or against love being a choice and numbered the interview before glancing up expectantly at Eli. His eyes were narrowed suspiciously at me.

"What? Did you really think you were getting out of this interview? Time to spill your guts, Goldsworthy."

After an exasperated sigh, clearly sure that it would be a losing battle if he tried to argue, Eli glanced down at the table in defeat. "Fine; if I must…," he trailed off, though, rubbing the back of his neck in discomfort. I waited patiently for him to pull himself together and just answer the question, already, clearing my throat loudly after a substantial amount of time passed. He finally looked up and his eyes locked with mine in an intense hold. Even if I had wanted to, I wouldn't have been able to look away. As it was my heart started to speed up just a tad as I saw the fire behind Eli's eyes, and I had become hyperaware of the fact that Sav was sitting close beside me, watching me intently. "Love isn't a choice, okay? It just…happens. It takes you by surprise; damn near kills you with shock when you realize you've fallen for the most unlikely person; someone you can never have. See, love only gives people the power to hurt you, so, if I had a choice in the matter, I would never fall in love.

"But sometimes there's just a special person who comes along; someone different from the usual self-centered, asshole, scum that walks this planet. And before you're even conscious of what's happened, she's always on your mind. You can't help but smile at just the thought of being around her and nothing in your world makes sense again. It's awful, but you can't control it. But just seeing her smile makes it worth everything."

Eli's cheeks suddenly colored in an uncharacteristic, bright red blush. His eyes finally released my own; the table suddenly becoming the most interesting thing in the room for both Eli and me. '_Don't think about it, don't think about it_,' I warned myself, not totally able to push the fact that Eli delivered his entire speech about love right to me from my guilty thoughts.

With chagrin, I realized that I neglected to copy down a single word that had been a part of Eli's speech. Grateful that it gave me something to do, I started to write down everything I remembered when I noticed Sav shifting uncomfortably in his seat. Though I really didn't want to, I looked up to meet his eye. He was _not_ pleased; apparently I wasn't the only one who had noticed the not-so-subtle implications of Eli's answer.

Quickly, I returned to the notebook, copying down everything with haste before I shoved it back across the table to Eli. "Great," my voice cracked uncomfortably, "It looks like we're done. Now we just have to go over all the answers so we can reach a conclusion."

Eli wouldn't look at me anymore—his eyes were glued to his hands were they were folded over the table. "I could come over tonight and we could start," he suggested with what I thought was a hopeful edge, fiddling with his thumbs. Sav bristled subtly next to me, a low, displeased grunt escaping his mouth.

"Tonight my dad's leaving, actually…"

Both Sav and Eli's heads whipped up to look at me with the utmost sympathy. At least they had both forgotten the uncomfortable, awkward tension that had surrounded our table like a haze seconds ago. Still, I didn't exactly welcome their attention. I was trying my hardest to ignore the looming event on my horizon; if I didn't think about it maybe it wouldn't really happen.

Not that I actually expected that to work. But it was the reason I hadn't told either of them until that very moment. I didn't talk about it, it wasn't real. Sav and Eli's looks of pity were making my dad's departure very real. Too real, in fact.

"Do you want me to…," Sav trailed off awkwardly, obviously unsure of how to approach my sudden sullenness. I had expected him to be a little hurt that I hadn't told him, but, looking into his face, I only saw comfort and understanding. He draped his arm around me and started to rub soothing circles up and down my back.

"Could you? Be there, that is," I asked him meekly.

"Of course; for you, anything."

As Sav leaned down to kiss my forehead I saw Eli shove the notebook in his backpack and awkwardly get to his feet. "I should…go. I have…something to do," he offered lamely, gesturing vaguely to the door. "I'm sorry about your dad, Edwards." Sincerity rang out of his words, and my heart gave a little lurch as Eli held my gaze for an extended second before turning on his heel and retreating like a bat out of hell.

I tried very hard to pretend like the last twenty minutes hadn't happened as I turned to face Sav. "Can you be over my house around 5? You can drive out to my dad's apartment with my mom and me."

Sav, who had been watching Eli leave with narrowed eyes, jumped a little as he turned to give me a sweet smile, "Sure thing, love."

Slightly reassured by the fact that Sav would be there for me, I pushed all thoughts of my dad out of my head once again. I attempted to lose myself in light banter and conversation with Sav, but it felt forced on both ends. If I had to guess, Sav's mind was in the exact same place that mine was—the dark, mysterious boy who may, or may not, have just admitted to being in love with me.

Alli was going to get her 'I Told You So' moment after all, wasn't she?

XXX

The rest of the day passed by in a flurry of class and worry, so by the time the final bell rang I was actually relieved to be going home as much as I had dreaded this day for the past week. Sav dropped Alli off at home before deciding he would just come back to my place with me. I really appreciated the fact that he seemed to know I didn't want to be left alone without my having to say anything at all. Sav was just too amazing; I really did love him.

Of course, he couldn't be superman all the time.

No more than ten minutes after we had taken up residence on the couch to do homework did Sav bring up a topic that was only second to my dad on the list of things I did not want to talk about.

"So you and Eli have gotten close, huh?"

"Sav," I groaned, "Can we not talk about this right now? Please; let's talk about anything else."

The look in Sav's eyes darkened just slightly. He looked as if I personally offended him with wanting to avoid the touchy topic. "Why can't we talk about it now? Can you really blame me for being angry at his little stunt earlier? I knew it; I knew from the beginning that he wanted more than friendship from you. But you didn't listen to me, Clare! I love that you want to see everybody as being just as honorable as you are, but I think Eli is trying to come between us and I don't like it! I don't like him."

The hardest part was that I couldn't blame him. Not even a little bit. Before lunch earlier I could have possibly continued to justify Eli's bizarre behavior, but now Sav had basis for his anger and prejudice.

Still, I couldn't totally suppress the stubborn need to defend my judgment, flaring at Sav's accusations. "I'm not going to pretend like I didn't understand the subtext of Eli's speech, but, Sav, you really have to trust me! I would never, under any circumstances, let anyone come between us." My promise was fervent, but I couldn't help feeling like I was lying to Sav. I couldn't explain it even if I had the desire to, but a sneaking suspicion in the back of my mind seemed to think that Eli already _had_ come been Sav and me. But, as per usual, I brushed off the negative feelings. I would never let things with Eli go too far; I would have to set him straight about the nature of our friendship the next time I saw him. "And I do like Eli…as a friend," I hastened to add. "I am not going to stop hanging out with him; I'll just have to be more careful about giving him the wrong idea."

Sav sat, slack jawed, staring at me. I waited in silence for him to say something, shifting in my seat and clearing my throat uncomfortably when he didn't for an extended amount of time. The sound seemed to rouse Sav out of his frozen state of disbelief.

"I—you—what?"

"I can see your English education is really paying off," I jabbed, turning back to the genetics worksheet I had to complete.

"You're not serious right now," Sav tried to clarify, incredulity saturating his voice.

"Yes, I really am," I answered him defiantly, putting the finishing touches on a Punnett Square as I refused to meet his eye.

He seemed to drop deep into thought, really considering what he wanted to say next, when my mother burst through the door looking stressed and harebrained. "We're not done talking about this," he promised under his breath. I simply rolled my eyes and continued to work on the science. Sav was supposed to be there for moral support, not to point accusatory fingers at me about Eli. He knew what kind of girl I was; I didn't know why Sav was so sure that Eli would destroy our relationship when the chance of me straying was nonexistent.

"Hello Clare, Sav—how was school?" my mother questioned as she placed her brief case under the hall table.

"Fine," I replied tensely, digging my pencil into the unoffending paper with too much force. Sav made no protest to discredit my answer, but I knew that he did not agree with my choice of adjective.

"How are you, Miss Edwards?"

"I've been better," she answered honestly, brushing her hair nervously away from her face. "And I've told you a million times, please, call me Helen, Sav. Will you be joining us to send Randall off?"

I cleared my throat, trying to ignore the jabbing feeling in my chest. Sav, though we had just fought, reached out to place a comforting hand on my knee. He made it really hard to stay mad at him…

"That's the plan; if it's not a problem with you, of course? I just wanted to be there for Clare."

A reassuring squeeze accompanied Sav's words and I felt my eyes tear up. After hastily wiping them away I placed my hand on top of the larger, darker one, feeling just a tad better about everything.

"Of course I don't mind, dear. We leave in an hour, so be ready, Clare." I nodded as she made her way up the stairs; presumably to change out of her work attire.

"He's my friend; I'm not going to stop seeing him, Sav," I whispered under my breath once I was sure she was gone.

"I suppose I don't expect you to," he let out a resigned sigh, "But I still don't really like it, Clare."

"I understand that."

We started at each other for a prolonged moment until Sav shook his head, leaning back against the couch. "I love you. That's never going to change."

A small smile fought its way onto my lips, the bad mood momentarily forgotten. "I love you, too. No brooding, mysterious, sarcastic guy is going to change that," I promised him.

With a light chuckle, Sav leaned in to press a loving kiss to my temple.

After our spat had been abandoned, the hour passed productively and easily. Sav and I lapsed into a comfortable silence as we completed the remaining homework we had. My mother came down dressed uncharacteristically in jeans and a t-shirt looking tired. She disappeared to her office for a while, coming out exactly an hour after she had announced when we would depart. Wordlessly, Sav and I climbed into the backseat of my mother's car. She didn't even put up any complaints that she was not a taxi service—just letting me be as I snuggled against Sav during the short ride to my dad's apartment complex.

The moving truck was already poised in the parking lot, open, and full of Dad's interesting choices of furniture. Seriously, his leather couch and old, suede armchair just screamed bachelor. I found myself smiling fondly in spite of the sinking feeling I felt immediately in my stomach.

Seeming to read my mind, Sav wound his arm around my waist and squeezed tightly, if only briefly. My dad immerged from the front door carrying a box that looked far too big for him. Sav and I rushed forward to help him as he was staggering under the weight. "Oh, Sav, what a nice surprise; I wasn't expect to see you here," my dad clasped Sav on the shoulder as he reached for the box first, removing it from my father's arms gingerly before walking over to the truck and sliding it inside.

"Yeah, well, Clare didn't tell me this was the big day until earlier. But I wouldn't miss it."

My dad smiled warmly at Sav before pulling me into a tight hug. "You hang onto this one; he's a keeper," Dad whispered in my ear, just loud enough that Sav could hear too. I flushed a deep red.

"I intend to."

"Helen—thanks for coming," my dad pulled her into a hug as well.

"As if I was going to let you leave town without a proper send off," Mom smiled warmly at him and for a second I could have sworn that the divorce had never happened. But it had…and Dad was really leaving. I bite back the tears of selfish anger and resentment.

"Are there any more boxes in your room?" Sav asked helpfully once a silence had befallen the gathering.

"Just one or two," my dad shrugged. "But there is no need for you to worry; I can handle them."

Sav rolled his eyes pleasantly, already headed for the door. "Clare and I can handle it; no problem."

Not bothering to put up much of an argument, my dad merely shrugged in surrender. I followed Sav to the door, leading him the room. The door was propped open and all the walls were barren. It was a sad sight, really. Sav instantly made his way to the lone box in the middle of the would-be living room.

I hadn't spent too much time in the apartment, but enough that it was familiar, welcoming. I had already moved all of my stuff out of the spare bedroom a few days ago, and that had felt ominous enough, but to see everything completely empty screamed depression to me. How was I ever going to get used to the idea that my dad was no longer a short walk across town?

Sadly, I pressed my hand against the ugly wallpaper, suppressing the desire to sob…

I heard a dull thud from the doorway and suddenly Sav's long arms were wrapped around my hips, pulling my in close to his chest. "Clare, he's not going to be that far away; you'll still get to visit him. I know this is hard for you, but your dad loves you too much to completely disappear. He didn't after the divorce and he won't now."

I turned my body around in the warm constriction of his arms, burying my head in his chest. "Thank you for coming tonight," I whispered hoarsely, a few tears finally leaking over.

"I love you, Clare. There was no way I was going to let you go through this without me. And it's okay to cry you know; it is sad that he's leaving. It's just not the end of the world, okay?" 

Somehow Sav knew exactly what I needed to hear. So, there against his chest, I let the tears gush out of me, relentless and bitter. "I just don't want him to go—it'll make everything so different," I wailed.

Sav rubbed soothing circles across my lower back. "Change doesn't always have to be bad; inevitable, maybe, but not the worst that could happen."

After a few minutes I had pulled myself together and was smiling thankfully up at Sav. "They're going to wonder what happened to us," I pointed out in reference to my parents.

"Oh, right; we wouldn't want to give them the wrong idea," Sav whipped around and retrieved the box he had dropped. I shut off the lights and closed the door as I walked out behind him.

Back in the parking lot, Sav placed the last box inside the moving van, still ignoring my feeble offers to take the box off his hands. Mom and Dad approached shortly after that. "Thanks, Sav; I really could have handled it." Sav waved off my dad's concerns, placing an arm around my shoulders as I took a shuddering deep breath. "Well…I just turned the key into the landlord," he gestured vaguely in the direction he and my mom had just returned from. "I suppose I am ready to go, then." I tried not to let out a gasp of horror. Sav rubbed my arm sympathetically and I saw my mother shoot me a pitying gaze. Of course, I could see my own sadness mirrored in her eyes.

"You have someone in Quebec to help you move into the new place, right?" she checked.

"Our old college buddy, Josh, is down there and waiting for my arrival!"

"I didn't know Josh was in Quebec," Mom smiled slightly, apparently pleased that Dad wasn't going to be totally alone once he got to the new town. I wish I could have found the same amount of comfort that some stranger, to me anyway, would be keeping Dad company.

"He's married now, too. His wife's family lives out in the area so that's how he ended up there," my dad explained awkwardly before everyone lapsed into a strange silence. Apparently there was nothing else to be done—plenty left to be said, but no one was talking. I could almost feel the moment that my dad would hop into the car and officially drive out of my life fast approaching. "Well, I guess that's it," he finally spoke again, shifting his weight from one foot to the other nervously. "I'll call you guys when I'm in Quebec, okay?"

Nodding, my mother approached him and they embraced fiercely. Dad placed a light kiss to her forehead as she pulled away, and I saw tears glistening in Mom's eyes. "Take care of yourself, Randall. I love you."

"I love you, too, Helen. We'll see each other soon enough, I suppose," he smiled sadly at her, squeezing her hand reassuringly before he turned to me. Sav shifted out of the way awkwardly, moving to join Mom near the car. They were both just out of earshot, and I appreciated their attempt to give me a moment alone with Dad before he left. "I'll call you every day, Clare-bear. I promise you, I won't be like just after the divorce. And you are welcome to come down for the weekend anytime you want, alright baby?"

A few more tears leaked out of my eyes and I reached up to scrub them away, frustrated. I thought I had completely cried myself out. My dad gave me an understanding smile, though, and pulled me in for a bone-crushing hug. "I love you, Daddy."

"I love you, too, Clare. You're the best daughter a father could ask for—you and Darcy. You and your mom look after each other. I will visit when I can, too; although work might be a bit time consuming for the first few months. I'm not worried about you, though; you've got a good head on your shoulders."

With kiss to the top of my head, he pulled away, smiling forlornly at me. I nodded at him—letting him know that I heard everything he had said loud and clear, but also to tell him that it was okay for him to leave. This was best for him. He had to do it; I wasn't going to stop him or begrudge him the opportunity. What kind of a daughter would I be?

My dad walked over to Sav once more, gave him a firm handshake and then pulled him in to whisper something in Sav's ear. Sav smiled, laughed and nodded before my dad gave brief instructions to the driver of the moving van. He paused to give us all a smile and a thumbs up before he slipped into the driver's side of his old beater and pulled slowly out of the lot, the van not far off his trail.

I took in a ragged breath. That was it. He was gone.

I heard my mother quietly crying next to me, and I reached out to grab her hand as Sav pulled me against his chest. I was beyond lucky to have the both of them in my life, and I clung as tight as I could to their presence, a physical form of comfort, as Dad's car disappeared into a tiny speck on the horizon.

XXX

The next morning I had trouble rubbing the sleep from my swollen, red eyes. I had held my complete breakdown at bay during the duration of dinner, which Sav and I helped my mother prepare, and all through the rest of the evening that Sav remained at my side. After a few hours of television and cuddling, Sav kissed me sweetly and promised to pick me up in the morning. He had been so lovely and supportive throughout the day, but I had been so focused on not losing it so his efforts would not appear to be in vain, that I had forgotten to tell him just how much I appreciated everything that he did, and continued to do, for me.

The mix of my regret and total devastation had finally weighed too heavily on my chest for me to take a second longer after I had collapsed in bed. And thus the waterworks had commenced—and they didn't end till nearly 2:30 in the morning.

Still, after my lids unwillingly broke apart to absorb the dull light of the rainy morning I realized I felt much better. My dad's departure no longer seemed like the end of the world; after all, we would still be seeing plenty of each other. Maybe not as much as I was used to, but this change was for the better.

Of course, I had been telling myself this since I had heard the news of the job offer, but the words no longer sounded like feeble lies in my own head. I was actually starting to believe that this was all going to be okay.

After pulling on a dress and cardigan ensemble, scarfing down a quick breakfast and saying goodbye to my mother, I ventured into the cool, misty air to wait for Sav. It didn't take long for the car to pull up to my curb, though the humidity had already wreaked its havoc on my hair.

I slid into the back seat and smiled at Sav and Alli. "Good morning," I greeted with chipper inflection that didn't feel forced in the slightest. I loved the rain—today already felt like a good day. Much better than yesterday, in any case.

"Good morning," Sav smiled, bemused by my drastic attitude change since the night before, back at me. However, Alli turned around in her seat to glare at me.

"What; what did I do this time?" I questioned, alarmed.

"It's more like what you _didn't_ do. If you had told me that your dad was leaving yesterday I would have been there, too, you doof!"

I stuttered, ashamed. I hadn't even thought to ask Alli for moral support. In fact, I hadn't really unloaded any of my emotional distress on her since she moved back to her parent's house. Partly because I was still on probation for cruel words after the journal incident, but I was also worried that Alli didn't need anyone else's problems to contend with but her own these days. I hadn't realized that withholding the details of my life would offend her further.

Finally, recovering my initial shock at Alli's upset attitude, I managed to find words. "I-I didn't want to pressure you or stressed you out, Alli; I'm sorry."

"Clare, I know we're a little strained at the moment, but we're still best friends. Nothing's going to change that—I still want you to tell me everything! Things are great at home so stop treating me like some porcelain doll that will shatter if you drop."

"You're right; I really am sorry, Alli."

"You're forgiven, of course," Alli rolled her eyes, but winked at me. I sighed, relieved. "So, are you okay, Clare-bear?"

"I am actually. It took me a bit to realize, but this doesn't have to put a damper on my family. It's going to be weird and take some adjusting, but I've been through worse. Everything will work out for the best." I saw Sav's satisfied smirk at my speech and Alli simply nodded along, pleased. I slid as far forward in my seat as the seatbelt would allow so I could be closer to Sav. "And I know I already thanked you, but, really, you're amazing. You have no idea how much it meant to me that you were there last night."

"Don't worry, Clare, I know that you're appreciative," Sav brushed me off, but I saw a pleasant blush rise to color his cheeks.

"And, in light of our argument yesterday, I promise to talk to Eli today about…you know."

Sav opened his mouth to say something, but Alli immediately cut him off as we pulled into Degrassi's parking lot. "What about Eli; what happened?" she pounced, a knowing gleam in her eyes.

I cringed, knowing that Alli was going to get plenty of satisfaction once I told her the happenings of lunch the day before. Sav parked the car in our usual space and I grabbed my bag. "Follow me to class and I'll tell you all about it," I relented, placing a light kiss on Sav's cheek. "I'll see you later."

As predicted, Alli looked quite pleased with herself, but also kind of horrified, after I finished recounting Eli's awkward revelation. Although, to my pleasant surprise, Alli managed to refrain from vocalizing any form of 'I told you so'. Still, I could see it written all over her face. "So are you going to tell him you can't be friends anymore?" Alli questioned eagerly. "Because you don't share his feelings? Right?" As her voice grew skeptical and demanding an embarrassed blush rose to my cheeks and I felt positively horrid. "Clare, don't look at me like that. I might be forced to punch you."

As we stopped at my locker I busied myself with retrieving my books for our first class to buy some time before answering Alli. I hadn't even stopped to think about how I felt about the whole thing; not really. I knew that I didn't return Eli's exact feelings, but it was never my intention to cut him out of my life completely. I liked his company, but we didn't know each other very well. Eli just needed an outlet for his pent up emotion, at least I assumed they were pent up since he never talked to anyone, and he chose me for lack of anything better. It wasn't like he actually loved me. There was no way; he just thought he did.

But my stomach did a horrified flip as I realized how alarmingly…not unpleasant I found the idea of Eli being in love with me.

"Of course I don't share his feelings, Alli; don't be an idiot," I finally replied adamantly, reassuring both myself and her at the same time. I shrugged the confused, sickening thoughts from my mind. "I love Sav, remember? But I am not going to tell Eli I am abandoning his friendship. He doesn't actually love me—I'm just the only one who listens to him. I'm not going to take that away from him; I just want to confront him about the impossibilities of what he thinks are genuine feelings."

"Uh-uh, _I'm_ the idiot," Alli narrowed her eyes scathingly.

Thankfully, the warning bell sounded before I could counter, or listen to anything else Alli had to say. We rushed to class in a strained silence, and I managed to ignore all of Alli's probing stares over the duration of the lesson. I loved her, and I really appreciated that she wanted to look after me, but I was tired of the whole vendetta against Eli. Why couldn't set everything straight so we could be friends? Was that really such an awful idea?

As soon as the bell signified the end of first period, I shot from my seat, not really in the mood to hear more of Alli's ideas on how I should handle the situation. When I arrived in English I was a little surprised to find Eli's seat empty; he usually got to class before me. It wasn't like I wanted to have such an important discussion in the few minutes before class started, but I was hoping to get a feel for Eli's attitude. It seemed to change day to day, and it would give me a better idea for how to approach what I had to say. Come to think of it, though, I realized Eli hadn't been at his locker earlier, either.

I sat patiently through class, but Eli never turned up. Apparently he wasn't feeling well or something…in spite of myself, I started to worry. I had the distinct impression that Eli was fairly alone in life, so was he sick at home, all alone? Maybe I could take him soup after school, check to see how he was doing. Not to mention, I was pretty desperate to talk to him…

By the time class was over I had made up my mind. I could gather up Eli's homework and take it to him after school along with some chicken noodle soup; I would just have to convince the office to give me his address since I was completely ignorant to where Eli lived. I shoved my notebook in my bag and approached Miss Dawes's desk. "Ma'am," I called for her attention tentatively.

"Oh, how can I help you, Miss Edwards?" she asked kindly, turning away from erasing the backboard.

"Can you give me a copy of the new essay prompt for Eli; he asked me to gather his homework for today."

Miss Dawes raised her eyebrows skeptically at me and I felt myself flush. "Well, it's not exactly customary practice…but both you and Mr. Goldsworthy are conscientious students. I suppose I can make an exception." With a warm smile, Dawes signed out one of her battered copies of Lord of the Flies for Eli, wrote down the pages he was supposed to have read by Friday on a half-sheet of paper with the essay requirements and handed me the book along with a late pass to my next class so I had time to go to my locker. I thanked her and then rushed off to my next class.

Since I had a pretty good idea of Eli's school schedule, I went around between classes gathering up all his homework. It went the same way with almost every teacher—they were surprised I was asking in the first place, but they seemed to think me a trustworthy enough student to comply with the strange request.

By the time lunch rolled around the only teacher I hadn't visited yet was Mr. Thomason for Eli's communication homework. Feeling pretty satisfied with my work, I made my way to the cafeteria where Sav and Alli were already sitting at our regular table, immersed in conversation. They stopped dead when I approached the table. Suspicious…

"Hey, Clare; how was your morning?" Sav questioned brightly.

"Productive," I replied vaguely. "Were you just talking about me?"

"It's good to see you, too," he joked, jabbing me in the side while Alli just rolled her eyes.

"Fine—how was your morning?"

"Uneventful at best," Sav smirked and I stuck my tongue out at him.

"So, were you talking about me?" I prompted, nervous that Alli might have taken something about our earlier Eli discussion out of context. Still, Sav was acting pretty cheerful. It was doubtful that he would be joking and smiling if Alli let it slip that I had hesitated before denying any sort of feelings for Eli.

"Yup," Sav wrapped his arm around me and pulled me closer to place a kiss on my temple. "We do have an anniversary coming up again soon—I was just asking Alli's advice on some ideas."

I heaved a sigh of relief at the same time a pleased blush colored my cheeks. "So," I turned to Alli, "should I be worried?"

"Oh, definitely," she chuckled darkly and started to hum a distantly familiar melody that made me think of the cafeteria and Anya. '_Weird,_' I thought to myself. Sav shot Alli a warning look that shut her up almost as instantly as she had started.

"Are you busy tonight, Clare?" he asked suddenly. "I was wondering if you'd want to hang out after school."

He was being oddly formal and I raised my eyebrow questioningly at him. "I-yeah, I am; sorry."

Sav's face fell minimally. "Oh, okay. I have been avoiding a growing stack of homework that I need to get done…what are you up to?"

My stomach dropped in guilt, but my instinct suddenly flared fiercely; it was telling me to keep my real plans a secret from Sav if I wanted to avoid a fight. "My mom and I were just going to spend some time together. She puts on a brave face, but I think she's actually pretty torn up about my dad's move. After all, they did manage to stay pretty good friends after the divorce." It took a bit of effort, but I managed to stop nervously rambling, the guilt in my stomach increasing. It was true that my mom seemed pretty upset, and I probably should have been going home to spend time with her. But I wasn't. Instead I was lying to Sav and planning to visit a boy who may or may not have strong feelings for me.

Why was I digging myself a hole that I would be unlikely to make it out of unscathed?

I puzzled over why I was being such an idiot the rest of the school day, yet, though I had plenty of chances to, I didn't amend my stupidity and take Sav up on his offer. Or, at the very least, tell him the truth about why I wouldn't be able to hang out.

Sav dropped me off at my house, giving me a peck on the lips before I climbed out of the passenger seat. When Alli got out of the back to take my place, she shot me a look that very clearly stated that she would be calling me later to talk. Mostly likely about Eli, if I had to guess. Though nothing was said at lunch about his absence, I hardly thought it had gone unnoticed.

I dropped my unusually heavy bag—Eli's homework in addition to my own seemed to add at least ten pounds—on the couch before I ran into the kitchen to make some soup. As I mixed the pot absentmindedly I could feel the guilt eating away at my stomach, but there was no way I was going to ignore the opportunity to see where Eli lived. I tried to convince myself that solving at least one of Eli's mysteries was the _only_ reason I was going, but the nagging voice in the back of my head, which sounded suspiciously like Alli, wasn't buying it.

Degrassi's secretary was a regular at my church and good friends with my mom, so it had only taken a minimal amount of convincing and pleading to persuade her to disclose the home address listed for Eli Goldsworthy. The slip of paper she had given me seemed to be burning a hole in the pocket of my cardigan.

Continuing to ignore my guilt, I poured the soup in a Tupperware container, washed out the pot I used and quickly looked up directions to Eli's house. It seemed to be just on the outskirts of the city, and if I left in the next few minutes I would make it there just before 4. I decided it would be best to walk to a bus station and then take a bus as close to the address as possible, so gathered my bag and headed out the door. The weather had improved enough that it wasn't raining, but the skies were still downcast. Still, I was thankful that it was no longer lightly raining—I wasn't exactly in the mood for a shower.

The trip seemed to pass in the blink of an eye, most likely because I distracted myself with Lord of the Flies instead of continuing the psychoanalysis of my twisted intentions.

As I stepped off the bus onto the street I realized how daunting this truly was—discovering the unknown. Carefully, I took in my surroundings. All the buildings seemed to be a bit run-down and decayed; the neighborhood didn't exactly scream suburban. In fact, it felt more abandoned than anything. I started to walk, though, my heart thudding loudly in my chest. Finally I spotted a small house that displayed the street number on the peeling paint of a wooden porch. Having obtained a reference point, I pulled the crumpled slip of paper out of my pocket and looked at Eli's address one last time. According to the paper, the next house on the left was where Eli lived.

I glanced up to find a slightly larger, yet much worse for ware, wooden structure that could barely even be considered a house. It gave off the appearance that it was in the middle of collapsing; that perhaps, if you blinked, you would find the place in ruins on the ground.

Swallowing my sudden upswing fear and nerves, I crossed the street and headed up to the front door. I wondered briefly if Eli would be angry at me for digging into his personal life before he was ready to share. Then I figured that I had already come this far…I could handle the wrath of Eli in exchange for finally getting some answers.

With once last gulp I gathered all my courage and knocked on the door.

A tall, blonde, scruffy looking boy who was most certainly not Eli answered the door. He looked to be about 23. He gave me the once over and tried to smile—it came out more like a sneer, though. "Look, your cookies are delicious, but we're not buying, okay? Better luck in a different neighborhood, sweetie."

And then he slammed the door in my face.

I blinked, confused and shocked.

Once I regained some of my wits, I pulled the paper back out from my pocket. Nope, I had the right place for certain. Tentatively, I knocked again. Blondie answered once more. "Seriously, kid, nobody is going to buy anything from you here. I don't know who gave you the brilliant idea to-"

I cut him off before he could shut the door again. "I am not a girl scout, and I am certainly not trying to sell you anything," I protested adamantly. 

This seemed to catch him off guard. "Who the hell are you, then?"

I wanted to come back with a snappy retort, but the kid was intimidating and I felt irrationally afraid. Suddenly, before I could answer, another, much younger, kid approached the door. She was very pretty with waist long, red hair, but he face seemed hard and unforgiving. "Lay off the girl, would you Ted—she looks terrified." There was a hint of amusement in her voice, and I would have been offended had I not been so grateful.

"It's not like we get a lot of visitors here; excuse me for being cautious," Ted rolled his eyes.

The girl ignored him and held out her hand to be. "I'm Vicky," her attempt at a smile was much more successful than Ted's had been. "Seriously, though, who are you?"

"I'm, uh, I'm Clare Edwards."

Realization dawned on both Vicky and Ted's faces so obviously that it was almost comical. I didn't know if that was a good thing or not.

I decided it was when Ted clasped my shoulder in a friendly gesture and invited me to come in. I stepped awkwardly past the threshold and discovered that the outside looked brand-spanking-new compared to the interior. The wallpaper was faded and peeling, the furniture was ragged and lousy with tears and everything just screamed old. Not to mention, I could hear at least three other voices coming from a different room not too far away.

"So you're the girl Eli never shuts up about," Vicky smiled at me happily. In one sense, I was happy to have confirmation that Eli did indeed have connections to this bizarre place. On the other hand, it was a little unnerving to hear that Eli, the boy who barely spoke without much encouragement, allegedly talked about me a lot.

"Sure," I offered, trying my best to smile back warmly.

"We've got to thank you, man," Ted spoke up, his face much less frightening now that he wasn't gruffly questioning my existence. "Eli's much more fun to live with since he's met you."

With so much going on, I barely had time to absorb all the indirect information that was being hurled at me in mass quantities. So, weakly, I rifled through my bag to gather up Eli's school work and held it out to Vicky without explanation. She raised her eyebrows at me before taking it. "And this would be…?" she prompted me as if she didn't think very much of my intelligence.

"Oh, um, right; sorry. That's Eli's homework," I also pulled the soup from my bag. "I guess he was sick today, so I made him this, too," I held up the container as evidence. "Is he home?"

"What are you; like his mother?" Ted asked but he took the soup eagerly from my hands.

"No wonder Eli thinks you're the coolest thing since sliced bread," Vicky smirked knowingly before answering my question. "He's at work right now, actually. I'll tell him you stopped by, though. He might not be thrilled about the homework, but I bet he'll appreciate the soup. If there is any left when he gets home, that is." She narrowed her eyes dangerously at Ted who simply shrugged and walked in the direction of the other voices I heard.

I shifted my weight awkwardly from one foot to the next. "So, I should, uh, I should go, I guess."

Vicky shrugged, untroubled. "Sure. It was nice to finally meet you," she offered, but it wasn't too convincing. She seemed especially bored, actually.

"Yeah, you too; tell Eli I said hi."

With a curt nod and a hard smile, Vicky practically shoved me back out the door and closed it roughly behind me.

I wasn't sure how long I stood there staring at the rotting wood and trying to process everything that had just happened, but as a lone car drove past I practically jumped out of my skin, crashing back into the real world with nothing but more confusion than I had ever felt toward Eli's life than I had ever had to contend with before.

The only coherent thought I managed the entire way back home was, '_What the hell just happened?_'


	9. Be My Escape

**After this chapter, there will be three more until the end. I feel like I thank you all at the beginning of every chapter, but it's only because I really am grateful for anyone who religiously follows my obsession with this couple. I am also unspeakably grateful for anyone who became curious enough to click the link to this story or Rhythm of Love. It is because of all of you that I am gratified. Thank you a million times over. **

**Without further mushiness, the 9****th**** chapter of Come What May:**

My thoughts were swarming like angry hornets around my head, confused and upset. Confused because of every speculative scenario that had run through my head since the night before when I had faced Eli's hidden life head on; the upset thoughts revolved more around the fact that I had lied to Sav**. **I knew, somewhere in the back of my head, that there would be repercussions for that. I had that uncomfortable feeling you got in your gut similar to the hollowness you feel before shouting 'don't look in the closet!' as you watch a horror movie.

Needless to say, I did not sleep much, or at all, really.

I poured myself a huge cup of coffee as I waited for Sav to pick me up for school, adjusting my dress and hair. I felt kind of like a zombie. I was not ready for school, or, more specifically, facing Eli and Sav. I needed to talk to both of them, and I doubted either conversation would be pretty. But I would make it out alive…or relatively unscathed, I was hoping.

The tiny, familiar car pulled up to my curb and I noticed that Alli was nowhere to be found. She usually rode with Sav and me, so that was odd.

"Good morning," I said unconvincingly as I slid into the passenger side, taking a big sip of my coffee. "Where's Alli?"

"Morning, Clare-Bear," Sav greeted with a squeeze of my hand, much too chipper for this early. "She decided to catch a ride with Jenna this morning; give us some privacy." I thought that was a strange change of pace, but decided not to give it too much thought. It may have been that Alli was still miffed about our fight the other day, or she could have just missed hanging out with Jenna. I wouldn't know until I saw her at school. "How'd you sleep last night?" Sav asked, pulling me out of my mental distraction.

"Like a baby," I grumbled, trying hard not to let on to the fact that the opposite was true. Sav opened him mouth, it looked like in preparation to speak, but I jumped suddenly, squeaking. I had forgotten that sometime over the course of the morning, I had placed my phone in my bra, and when it started to vibrate against my skin I was anything but prepared. As I pulled the tiny device out, the caller ID informed me that my father was calling. A small smile on my face, I shot Sav an apologetic look before answering. "Hello?"

"Clare-bear!" my dad exclaimed, sounding happier than I had heard him in quite some time.

"Good morning, Daddy. How are you; how's the new firm?"

"Everything's wonderful, sweetheart. I'm sorry I haven't gotten around to calling sooner, but I just got settled in. It's a little early to tell, but I do like my new colleagues. I miss you and your mother, though." I sighed in relief; hearing his voice was certainly the pick-me-up I had needed to brighten my less than perfect morning.

"Don't worry about it; I'm just glad to hear that you're doing well," I told him truthfully. "I miss you, too. But I'm proud of you."

"It's good to hear that, Clare; it really is. I have to get going, though. I just wanted to check in; I know you're probably on your way to school. I'll call again soon and we can talk more extensively," he promised, his voice developing the professional edge that probably meant he had called on his way to work and was getting ready to start the day.

"Okay; I love you."

"I love you, too," my dad promised before I heard a click and the line disconnected.

"Your dad?" Sav guessed easily.

"Yup," I smiled tiredly, leaning back in my seat and gripping Sav's hand tighter. "He's happy; I can tell."

"That's great, but what about you?"

I cocked my head at him. "_What_ about me?" I questioned.

"Are you happy?" he checked. "You seem a little dazed."

I guess this was what I got for having a boyfriend who both cared about me and paid attention to my feelings. He became scarily able to perceive my moods. Especially when I least wanted him to. "I…yeah, I'm fine," I lied with a sigh. "I think I'm just stressed about school."

Sav nodded unconvincingly, but he swallowed my lie with ease as we pulled into Degrassi's parking lot. "I hate to leave you to walk to class on your own…," Sav started, an adorable smirk on his face as he held open my door. I got out and we fell into step next to each other, hands finding each other seemingly of their own accord.

"But?" I prompted.

"But I have some presidential duties to attend to; I'll see you at lunch, though," he promised, placing a quick kiss to my cheek as we reached the front steps. He was off and running toward the student council office before I even had the chance to respond. I paused to watch a moment, admiring his tall frame and graceful, purposeful lope. My heart fluttered impatiently in my chest as I watched Sav walk away.

Still, despite the fact that I was strangely wistful in the wake of Sav's exit, a part of me was also relieved. I needed to talk to Eli—the sooner the better. And Sav could not be around for a number of obvious reasons.

I had left traces of my unexpected drop into Eli's carefully hidden life, so I was not surprised to be receiving the cold shoulder when I found him leaning against his locker. If looks could kill, I would have been dead. And then Eli's look would have rehabilitated me only to kill me a second time. He looked that angry.

"So, we should talk, huh?" I asked with forced cheeriness, refusing to meet Eli's piercing gaze as I reached my locker and started to pull my books out.

"The hell _we_ should," Eli all but growled, his hackles already raised, ready for a fight. "The only one who needs to talk is you, Edwards. Explain, now!"

"Don't attack me," I defended instantly, slamming my locker shut and spinning around to face the frightening anger. "I was just trying to be a good friend! It's not at all my fault you wouldn't let me in!"

"I have my reasons, and I needed time. I would have talked to you when I was ready. I'm not at fault here; you're the one who stuck your nose in my business. I thought you were different; I thought I could trust you, Clare!"

I saw the frightened boy taking precedence over his unbridled anger. There was the vulnerability in dizzying depths of his eyes like I had never seen before, and his voice had cracked over the use of my first name. I realized, for the first time, how much wrong I had actually done against him. This was beyond difficult for Eli—I didn't know the reasons why it was so hard for him to open up, but it was hard, nonetheless. And I had pushed past his limits. He was grappling with some kind of darkness and I was only making it more impossible for him to trust me. I had betrayed him.

Unable to stop myself, I reached out and placed my hand on the side of his arm. I felt the skin and muscle twitch under my comforting, tentative touch but he didn't pull away. "I'm sorry, Eli," I whispered. And I was. Now that I had realized what I had done, I was beyond sorry. "You can trust me…and I still don't even know anything. I-I didn't mean to push."

Eli considered me for a moment, and I saw a slight softening in his eyes. For a moment I was sure that he would accept my apology, but just as quickly as the softness had come, hardness replaced it. He shrugged off my hand and took a step backward. "But you did push," he accused, a reproachful sneer on his face. "Don't talk to me."

He started to flee, quickly pacing away while still making sure to keep his distance from the bodies around him. It took my body a second to catch up with what had just happened, but it was a step ahead of my mind. Before I had really registered anything, I was off running after Eli. "Wait," I called, pushing agitated people out of the way as I struggled to place myself in front of Eli to put a halt to his retreat. "I still want to help," I plead. It was disorienting, how the tables had turned so instantly. A mere twelve hours ago I had been seeking Eli out to let him know we had to put a little distance between each other. But now that it looked like Eli might actually walk away I was desperately holding on, afraid to lose him. "Can we talk about this; please?"

He didn't even look at me as his nostrils flared in anger. "No," Eli responded flatly, pushing past me.

Shocked, I stared at the end of the hall where Eli had disappeared for an extended amount of time. I didn't notice that all the people had scattered to their classes; my brain was on overdrive so much that I could barely even process a single thought. It wasn't until the late bell rang that I was roused out of my paralysis.

Math was already going in full swing, and the teacher didn't even bother to reprimand me as I took my seat next to Alli. She shot me a strange look, perceiving my distress, but didn't say anything about my mood. At least not until class was over. As soon as the bell rang, she pounced. "Is everything okay with you?"

Her question was laced with just the tiniest bit of petulance, so I assumed that she was still a bit upset about our fight over Eli and my motivations. It was pretty safe to assume that she had caught a ride with Jenna this morning not to give me and Sav privacy but to avoid me altogether.

"Never better," I replied in much the same tone.

"I don't buy that for a second. Sav or Eli?" she questioned knowingly.

I shot her a glare, but she had a look of open concern on her face that dispelled my defenses. "It's complicated," I hedged, "but I'll work it out."

Alli nodded and squeezed my shoulder reassuringly. Still, she shot me a look that very clearly said "you had better, or else."

It wasn't like I could blame her, though. I had done nothing to prove that I was responsible and mature enough to handle the situation on my own; least of all the stunt that I had pulled the night before. And Alli didn't even know about that.

I walked to English in silence, alone. I wasn't sure what I had been expecting, but it was like a slap in the face to find Eli seated at the furthest point from our usual desks. I tried to keep my eyes averted, and fail miserably, as I sat down. Eli was staring ahead fixedly, his nostrils still flared angrily. I had a feeling he knew I was looking, and was making a point to sit as still as possible. Giving up, I started to mindlessly doodle in my notebook until Miss Dawes started the lecture.

It was, quite possibly, the most uncomfortable hour of my life, but I made it through. Actually, scratch that, it was the most uncomfortable morning of my life. I spent most of it dreading lunch when I knew I would experience Eli's cold shoulder again. Not to mention, I had no idea how to explain my sudden change in mood to Sav. There would be no way he would just ignore my sullenness now that it was ten times more potent.

"Sorry about this morning; how were your classes?" Sav asked, appearing from nowhere to lean against my locker as I fished my lunch out of my bag. I jumped upon hearing his voice, still quite tense. "Everything okay there, Clare-bear?"

I took a deep breath, trying to find my center so that when I answered him it would be semi-true. "Yeah, everything is alright. I'm just nervous about my biology test," I lied. I seemed to be doing that around Sav a lot of late. "And I understand, really; you're here now and that's all that matters." I let Sav's natural ability to calm me take its effect, loosening the tension that had been constricting my chest.

Alli fell in step beside Sav as we made our way to our usual table, unpacking our lunches in silence. I had only started to munch on the cucumbers I had packed that morning when I felt my skin crawl with the knowledge that someone was staring at me. I looked up to find Eli glaring in my direction and swiftly averted my gaze, focusing back on the uninteresting tabletop.

"That's weird," Sav commented suddenly, but I forced myself to stay focused on the table as I answered.

"What?"

"Eli's glaring at you…and he's eating alone," Sav observed. I could hear in his voice that the abrupt change in routine didn't exactly bother him. "Did you guys get in a fight or something? Wait," Sav perked up more visibly and I finally glanced up from the table to see a pleased smile on his face. "Did you talk to him about backing off a bit?"

He seemed so happy, positively beaming, at the mere thought. I had reached a cross-road. I could either tell Sav the truth and suffer the consequences, or I could lie to him and risk getting caught if Eli ever forgave me. Neither option was appealing, really. But I had been lying to Sav all morning, and this seemed like the perfect opportunity to redeem myself. It would have been foolish to pass it up, to keep digging myself a deeper hole. I just hoped that if I tried to hop out of my ditch now it wouldn't result in a huge fight.

With a sigh, I committed to the truth. "Not exactly," I started, grasping for ways to make the situation sound better than it was. I had Alli's full attention, too, and her piercing gaze made me more nervous than Eli's. Which was saying something. "Remember how I said I couldn't hang out yesterday?" I tried easing into it. Alli's eyes narrowed into slits as she caught on to where this was going much quicker than I had expected her to.

"Yeah, you were spending time with your mom, right?" Sav asked, immediately unsure.

"Not exactly," I repeated, swallowing hard. "I, um, tried to go see Eli, since he was sick and all. I went to his house." I paused, letting that sink in. "But he wasn't there," I continued, hoping that would make it just a little better. "And he's angry at me for even showing up. He won't talk to me."

"So," Sav replied coolly, trying to add up the implications of what I had said. "You lied to me, ditched me, to go hang out with Eli. Eli, of all people."

"I just, you know, gathered his homework! He wasn't there so I didn't even stay. I did end up having dinner with my mom," I told him with a pleading edge in my voice. I was begging him to understand, to not blow up. Alli was still glaring daggers at me, but she kept her mouth shut, letting Sav and me work through it.

The sudden hostility in his demeanor was not a good sign, though.

"Like that makes it better!" Sav exclaimed. "What were you thinking, Clare?"

"That my friend needed me more than you did!" I retorted defensively, my voice a hoarse whisper.

Sav shook his head, disgusted. "You know, Clare, if you had just told me why you didn't want to hang out yesterday, the real reason, I might have been upset, but I wouldn't have been angry. I just don't understand why you lied to me. I thought you trusted me…I certainly trusted you more than that." His use of the past tense certainly did not go unnoticed.

I squeaked uncertainly, tears welling in my eyes at the livid look in Sav's usually gentle eyes. "Please don't be mad," I whispered in desperation. That was the only response I could come up with. I couldn't deny or argue anything he had said. I was on the moral low-ground after all.

Sav only snorted, though, standing. "I need…I need to clear my head. Find a different ride home, Clare." And with that he stormed out of the lunchroom, leaving Alli and me in a tense silence. In comparison to some of our other fights, that had been rather subdued. But that only seemed to hurt worse, the strange distance that seemed to have opened up between us.

Alli was still scrutinizing me, her expression unreadable. "Just go ahead and say it," I snapped, the edge in my voice directed more at me than her. "Tell me I am a horrible person; that I screwed up royally. Tell me you can't be friends with someone so selfish and small minded."

Alli sipped her water calmly, her eyebrow cocked sarcastically. "First of all, drop the self-pity act; it's not you. Second of all, you did screw up royally, but I can't say that you're horrible, small minded or that I don't want to be friends with you. None of that's true. I can't really get in the middle of this, though, okay? Sav is my brother. Yeah, you're my best friend, and that's not going to change, but he's still my brother." I nodded in understanding. It was a little unnerving, frustrating that she was so calm about everything, but everything she said was fair. I had no right to drag her into the middle. "So…I'm going to talk to him. You need to fix this, Clare. Before everything blows up."

Her warning sounded so ominous and it rung in my ears as she, too, stood to leave the cafeteria, her lunch barely touched. Unlike her brother, however, she stopped to give me a slight embrace, rubbing my arm reassuringly before moving on to do damage control with Sav.

Left alone with my own thoughts, which was not exactly desirable at that moment, I scanned the cafeteria. It seemed like the entire exchange had gone unnoticed by my peers. I had singlehandedly alienated the three most important people in my life in the course of the last three hours, and everyone around me was carrying on like nothing had happened at all.

Well, not everyone; Eli was watching me with a spark of interest mixed with the furious guardedness. Apparently he had watched the entire exchange and found it very noteworthy, indeed.

XXX

Unsuccessful in actually gathering enough will-power to speak to anyone the entire afternoon, I decided to walk home after the final bell sounded. I even bypassed a trip to my locker, opting instead to escape as soon as possible. I hadn't really heard anything that had happened in my classes; my brain was too focused on freaking out.

I ran circles around myself in my head, trying to find out how to smooth things over with Eli and Sav until the very real possibility that I could lose Sav started to plague my every thought, making it quite obvious the more pressing of my concerns.

I was in love with Sav. He loved me back. I knew fighting was normal, and it usually meant that we still cared enough to argue. But Sav had basically shut down. Whenever I passed him in the hall, it was like I didn't even exist. Between seventh and eighth period I had made a point to pass by Sav's locker, even gathering enough courage to try catching his attention. But he didn't ignore me so much as seem like he had shipped off to a totally different place than Degrassi. A place I was clearly not welcome.

But I would be dammed it I was going to let this wound fester until the damage was irreversible.

After all the fighting we had gone through to officially become a couple, overcoming his parents and getting past my emotional issues, it would be foolish to let a silly mistake wreak everything we had. I would not play the victim, and I would not let Sav sulk. We were going to work this out.

As if on autopilot, my thoughts directly wired to my feet, I changed course for the Bhandari's house. Since I was much slower on foot, Sav's car was parked on the curb by the time I arrived. I took a deep breath, didn't allow myself extra time to change my mind and knocked on the door.

Surprisingly, Sav was the one to answer. I had been suspecting Alli or Mrs. Bhandari. It was almost as if Sav had been anticipating my arrival. My heart swelled with hope.

And then I registered his unnaturally overcast features and all the air rushed out of my body. It was selfish of me to expect Sav to be ready to talk about this as soon as I was. But that wasn't going to stop me.

"You have to believe me when I say that I'm sorry. Sav, I cared about no one more than you. Please don't just shut me out."

He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck, a gesture I recognized as him mulling over an important issue in his head. Finally, he stepped out onto the tiny front step, closing the door behind him. My heart raced, and I looked up, trying to catch his eye. This was a decent start.

"I don't think I can talk about this right now without yelling, and I don't want to yell at you, Clare."

I mulled that one over in my head, trying to figure out of that was good or bad. "But if we don't talk about it, you'll start to fill in blanks that don't exist. I made a mistake, but I don't want to lose you because of it."

"And you won't," he snapped, almost if the mere thought angered him. That helped to ease some of the painful buildup in my chest. "But you can't force yourself on me right now; I need time alone. I need to…calm myself down. I need you to leave."

"But what about what I need; what our relationship needs?"

"You and our relationship are taking a backseat right now. It's only fair considering you screwed up. So this doesn't really get to be about you," he shot back, his voice rising slightly. And he was right. He was being fair and rational, and I was there basically trying to push him over the edge. But I had received the reassurance I needed. This wasn't going to break us up.

I took a step down, ready to leave. "Okay. Yeah, I get that. But, you can promise me that we'll make it through, right?" Okay, so I was fishing for more confirmation that we were fighting for what we had. I couldn't help it. The anger in his eyes was so out of place that it frightened me into insecurity.

"Clare, please, leave," Sav said in the most level voice he could have mustered at that point. I nodded and he offered a weak smile. I took that as a sign. This would work. This would have to work.

Only slightly sated, I backed down the driveway, watching the front door even though Sav had already disappeared inside. As I hit the sidewalk, a few things became clear to me. I did not want to be alone at that moment. Also, there was another boy in my life that deserved an apology. And if Sav wasn't ready to smooth things over, perhaps Eli was. At the very least, it was worth a shot.

After sending my mom a text to let her know that I was at the library doing homework—what was one more lie that day if it kept my mom form asking unnecessary questions?—I walked to the bus stop. Since I had only traveled the new route the day before, Eli's house was much easier to find.

I wasn't sure that showing up unannounced, the action that had gotten me in so much trouble to begin with, was such a good idea, but I crossed the road to the rundown fixer-upper anyway. I was already there; my day couldn't get much worse so I saw no harm in simply going for it.

With a tentative knock on the door, I held my breath as I waited to see who would answer. Once again, Ted swung open the door, nearly taking it off its weak hinges. His expression started out gruff, but immediately turned into an easy smile when he saw me on his decrepit porch once again. "Hey, it's the soup goddess!" he greeted me warmly, and, after the day I had, I couldn't help but laugh. I mean, soup goddess? Chicken soup wasn't exactly difficult to make. I was hardly as talented as my mother on that front.

"Hi, Ted. Can I come in?" I tried my best to smile at him, but I don't think I was too successful because he raised his eyebrows skeptically at me.

"I don't really think that's my call, to be honest. But I can get someone who is much better equipped to assess the situation," he assured me, even going as far as to pat my shoulder condescendingly before shouting out, "ELI, IT'S FOR YOU!"

"Thanks," I muttered dryly.

"It's my pleasure. Just remember, the walls are very thin here. Everything you say can, and will, be held against Eli somewhere down the line." And, with a happy smirk, Ted basically skipped off into another room…leaving me standing awkwardly in their open front door. Oh, yes, this was off to a smashing start.

"Oh, it's you," Eli arrived at the top of the creaky steps, his demeanor icing over as soon as he saw me.

"Who were you expecting?" I tried my best attempt at sarcasm since he had actually bothered to address me for the first time since that morning. "Cause, you know, it seems like you get a lot of callers here."

"You're not even that good at sarcasm on your best day; spare us all and don't even try when you're upset." I would have been angry, or have come up with some biting retort, but Eli smirked his usual smirk and took the stairs two at a time until he was standing in front of me. "Are you going to stand in the doorway or come in, Edwards? Because it's drafty."

I rolled my eyes, but, really, his attitude had taken such a 180 that I couldn't be upset with his surliness. It was just so typically Eli that I felt more relief flood my consciousness. "Does all this mean I'm forgiven?" I couldn't help but ask tentatively as I stepped pasted the threshold into the dismal living room. Eli swung the door shut behind me and sighed, looking lost in thought.

"I might have jumped the gun a bit," he allowed, pinching the bridge of his nose between his forefinger and thumb as if the admission was causing him physical pain. "I'm still not happy with you, let's be clear, but you collected my homework and made me soup. It's kind of hard to stay pissed at someone so thoughtful."

I let out the breath I felt I had been holding since I had knocked on the door. So far, so good; this was much better than my attempt to patch things up with Sav.

Briefly, I thought about how upset Sav would be if he knew I was here and my face scrunched up as a pang went through my chest. I covered it up with a cough. After all, this was productive. I needed to fix things with Eli, too. And I would not be lying to Sav about what was going on, either.

"Is there…some place we can go and talk?" I asked, quietly, thinking about what Ted had said. The living room hardly seemed appropriate for the conversation I could sense was coming. It was almost as evident as having a third being standing in the room between Eli and me.

Eli paled, seeming to sense the next logical step as well. With a resigned sigh, he beckoned for me to follow, starting up the stairs. Each one of the steps creaked dangerously under my weight and I was afraid that they were going to open up and swallow me whole. When we finally reached the top landing, my legs were shaking nervously, and I barely registered the dank hallway I found myself standing in. There wasn't much lighting, and there were two rows of doors, each one closed.

Eli walked me to the end of the hall, stopping at a door that had a Dead Hand poster tacked up to cover the thin, scratched wood. "My room," he explained casually, letting the door fall open and gesturing for me to walk in. "I share with Ted," he continued, closing and locking the door behind us. Of course, to get the door closed, he had to kick it forcefully, and then jiggle the handle around until a click sounded to signify the latch had caught.

I turned away from Eli's seemingly habitual method of closing his door to take in the rest of my surroundings. There were two single beds, placed foot to foot, lining the far wall. On what looked like Ted's side, a mess of clothes and comics were strewn along all the surfaces. A beanbag chair covered with several pairs of boxers also resided on Ted's side of the room.

Eli's side, on the other hand, had several band posters covering the walls. There was also a tiny bookshelf filled with what appeared to be Vonnegut and Palahniuk as well as a few tattered classics. Instead of a beanbag chair, Eli's side of the room possessed a second-hand desk. The most expensive item in the entire room, perhaps even the entire house, was the shiny, new laptop that sat on top of the beaten desk.

"Homey," I commented lightly, unsure of what to do or where to go. Eli snorted behind me.

"It's not bad," he allowed, gesturing that I should sit on the bed while Eli placed himself in the chair he pulled out from under the desk. The mattress was much harder than it looked, and I tried not to wince as my attempt to bounce left a bruise on my backside. "I suppose you want the whole story, huh?"

I flushed, meeting Eli's surprisingly open eyes. I had been expecting the pain that I was sure to find there so it didn't hurt nearly as much as it should have to see Eli so scared and vulnerable. "I—only if you are honestly ready to tell me," I assured him, crossing my legs beneath me in an effort to get comfortable on the bed. I could feel the adrenaline flooding my brain as I realized how close I was to finally understanding who Eli was.

"I mean, it's kind of now or never," Eli pointed out darkly, before his tone softened unexpectedly. "And…I honestly want to tell you, Clare. You've been nothing but open with me; I want you to understand."

I nodded, feeling validated and grateful for his honesty. "Then I am all ears. Tell me everything," I smiled softly.

"Okay, but, before I start," Eli's voice took on a warning tone and he held my gaze strictly, "You need to understand that it's not a great story. In fact, it downright sucks. But, please, don't run away after you've heard it all…I don't know if I could handle that." He was wearing his heart on his sleeve for the first time since I had met him, and I was so caught off guard that all I could manage was a curt nod. "Good…fine…so, where to start?"

Eli got off his chair and started to pace, a ball of nervous energy. "How about the beginning," I suggested meekly, fully prepared to not speak a word of interruption once he really got started.

Eli nodded, slowing down only slightly in his crazed strides. "Yeah, sure; here goes everything," he took another deep breath before planting himself and looking me in the eye. "There used to be a time when I had a happy family," Eli started off bitterly. "Or at least I thought we had been happy. I had no idea that my father had been so damaged. I still don't know the story of his childhood because I haven't talked to the fucker in six years, but that's not the point, really." Eli sat back down on his chair, his eyes never leaving mine. I was frozen in place, riveted. "Whatever the reasoning behind it, he was one unhappy dude…and when he was laid off from his job when I was eight, everything just exploded. He got hooked on crank and prostitutes, and my mother turned a blind eye because she didn't want to start confrontations. It's taken me a while, but I don't blame her for how anything played out. I just—I still wish she had stood up for herself, even if she couldn't stand up for me." Eli looked so lost in his past that I was hesitant to remind him that I had no clue what he was saying. Thankfully, he snapped back to it himself.

"Anyway, my father started getting aggressive. My mom had to pick up his slack with some minimum wage job, but whenever she came home from work, Dad was high and accused her of a different crime every day. I was nine by the time he started to get physical. I'll never forget the first time he slapped her," Eli's voice shook slightly and I was pretty sure I gasp though I had kind of seen where the story was going. "Of course, it was closely followed by the second and third time. Still, it took him a month or so before he got bored with beating her up. She was weak, after all, didn't put up a fight.

"I, on the other hand, would not play anyone's victim; which only fueled his fire," Eli gulped, drawing a deep breath before continuing. "When I fought back, it only made it all the more fun for him," he pointed out, disgust coloring his tone. "He didn't have the courtesy to leave my mom alone altogether, but he certainly liked beating the living crap out of me more.

"I retreated into this shell—I had a few friends at school who tried, for a while, to figure out what was wrong with me. But I stopped talking. I wouldn't answer even direct questions. I had basically become comatose. I wouldn't let anyone touch me or get near me. I was afraid all the time and I started to hate.

"It wasn't until I turned twelve—it seriously took them that long to realize something was wrong—that I had this great English teacher. She gave us some writing assignments and I found my outlet for all that hate and pain. Of course, she was concerned when my poems alluded to suicide and a short story I wrote was especially macabre. She called child services and they took me away from my father and mother after a thorough investigation. By that time, though, the damage had been done—I had lost all my damn faith in human kind." Eli paused, giving me time to absorb silently before he continued.

"I was thirteen by the time I was placed in the foster care system. I'd love to tell you that the story gets happier at this point, but, honestly, most families are only in the system for the money they get. I was, at best, ignored by the families I was placed with. Worst case scenario, I was their own fucking personal slave. I jumped from house to house, never staying for more than six months. Still, my social worker encouraged me to keep writing," Eli absentmindedly patted his laptop as he said that, a dreamy look in his eyes. I was still stunned into an attentive silence, staring intensely at Eli and nothing else. "That helped a bit, having an outlet. And then, a year ago, I met Chet." Finally, Eli smiled, letting me know that he was nearing the end.

"Chet?" I asked, amused by the dated name.

"Yup, Chet. He's the man that lives in that awful place next door. He checks in on us every now and again, but Chet is nearing his eighties. He's adopted all the kids here…he's basically the last resort for all foster failures. If you never find a home, you come live with Chet. He's retired, so, as you can see, we don't have a lot to work with. Most of us work odd jobs to help with the bills and necessities. It's not perfect, but it's home, you know. And I've had a lot of time to adjust to my lot in life. This place is paradise compared to some of my other so-called homes." Eli took a deep breath and cocked his head at me as if waiting for a reaction. Honestly, I was still just trying to fit the story in my head. It made sense—his guarded behavior, the way he didn't like anyone to touch him. But that didn't make knowing any less heartbreaking. "Well, now you know everything," Eli prompted nervously, his eyes still searching my face.

I knew that nothing I could say would make his story less tragic. I didn't have anything but condolences that would sound flat, or unconvincing. I was sure he had probably heard his fair share of those. I let the dust settle in my brain, trying my hardest to digest all the information on command.

But I couldn't, and Eli was still expecting some kind of reaction out of me. So I did the only thing I could think of to reassure him.

Wordlessly, I stood and walked over to Eli so I could wrap him up in a bone-crushing hug. He was surprised at first, his body tensing, but then I felt his arms wind around my waist and he was clutching back:

Holding onto me as if his life depended on my never letting go.


	10. I Write Sins, Not Tragedies

**I do not own Degrassi. If I did, this story would be canon because I have difficulties picking between Slare and EClare. **

**I would like to dedicate this chapter to the one and only Musiksnob! Since before the first one-shot that I wrote, she was one of my inspirations and role models—being the extremely talented writer that she is. So having you interested in this story, let alone praising it, is surreal for me. Thank you—both for sharing your incredible writing and for reading my work!**

**This is it, guys; the climax. After this chapter there are only two more in this story. Of course, I'll never be completely done with Slare. Enjoy:**

Sticky sweat made my skin clammy and I took several, shaky steps backward. A scared whimper left my lips as the faceless man approached me, hand raised—literally backing me into a corner. As soon as my back hit the cool plaster of the wall I knew it was over.

The man came closer, his hand climbing higher and higher until it was swooping down. I squeezed my eyes shut, dreading the contact.

When I should have heard the sharp sound of skin colliding with skin, there was a dull beeping and I sat up too fast in my bed, making my head spin. I drew in a few ragged breaths, glancing around my familiar room. It had been a dream; just a dream.

A tear rolled down my cheek, though, as I buried my face in my hands. For Eli it had been a reality, and apparently my subconscious was still trying to process the news he had revealed to me no more than twelve hours earlier.

As soon as my breathing and heart rate had returned to normal, I swung the covers off my overheated body, woozily making my way to my bathroom to get ready for school. Sweaty from the nightmare, I took a quick shower and clipped my short hair back as best I could. Feeling unusually lethargic, I dressed to my mood, pulling on a pair of sweats and a fuzzy sweater.

After grabbing my bag and downing some toaster pastries, I poured myself a cup of coffee to go and knocked on the door of my mom's office. She seemed to be gathering papers; just as disorganized as I felt. "Can I have a ride to school?" I asked, knowing that Sav was not going to be around to pick me up.

Mom seemed to think my request was strange—she shot me a questioning look—but nodded hastily. "Sure, sweetheart, I'll be ready in a minute."

I gave my mother a grateful smile, collected my things and went to wait for her in the car. Just as I was buckling my seat belt, I felt my phone buzz in the pocket of my pants—a text from Alli.

_U have been warned: the waters r luke-warm._

I sighed, knowing she was referring to Sav's mood, and pocketed the small, suddenly offensive, device.

With a huff, I fixed my eyes straight ahead, sipping my coffee as I tried to wrap my mind around my life. Sav was mad at me, Alli was trying to remain mutually indifferent and Eli…had let me in. I wasn't sure which one of those three things felt the most monumental. But the mental image of Eli's timid, genuine smile as he dropped me off at the bus stop the night before was fixated behind my eyelids. So maybe I did know which one seemed the most significant, and it felt all wrong.

I let out an inaudible, uncomfortable groan as my mother wordlessly got into the car and headed for Degrassi. I was still staring out the window, trying to suppress the urge to let my rolling stomach get the best of me, when she broke our tense silence. "Your dad called last night," she told me conversationally.

"How is he?" I asked before taking another swig of coffee, relived to have the chance to focus on something else.

"Finally settled in, it seems," Mom assured me, a smile in her voice. "So now he's dying to have you over for a weekend."

"That sounds nice," I smiled softly, thinking wryly that I might just need the escape soon. "How's work been?" I asked suddenly—an afterthought—wondering if my mom was truly as happy as she had been projecting.

"Fine," she nodded, flashing me a genuine smile as she pulled into the parking lot of school. "I'm actually going out with Janette and Marsha tonight, so I hope you don't mind having the house to yourself. Maybe you could call Sav; see if he'll keep you company for dinner."

A painful stabbing sensation clenched at my heart and I did my best to work up an equally genuine smile. "Sounds great," I gulped, not in the mood to elaborate. "Have a nice day," I whispered, leaning in to give my mom a kiss on the cheek before slinging my bag over my shoulder and heading into battle.

I spotted Alli on the front steps with Jenna, an apologetic smile poised on her lips as she met my gaze. I didn't deserve her pity—she had no idea where I had been the night before—but it felt nice anyway; having Alli to fall back on no matter how much I messed up with Sav. I offered her a wave and a nod, but continued to walk, not really in the mood to be around Jenna.

As I reached my locker, I finished off the contents of my coffee mug with a big gulp, and placed it on the top shelf. I pulled out my math textbook; making sure my homework is still tucked inside. All of a sudden, though, the world went dark. I gasped and jumped backward, bumping into a human chest. A stab of anticipation ripped through my chest, and I pulled the hands away from my face, almost expecting Sav to be standing behind me—using his signature move to get my attention.

But my heart dropped into my stomach—and then picked up its pace, beating itself into cardiac arrest—when I came face to face with a smirking Eli Goldsworthy. "Jumpy," he noted, a trace of guilt in his voice.

"Good morning," I snapped playfully, unable to help the reflexive smile that overtook my lips any time I was around him.

"Is it?" he raised an eyebrow, his gaze sliding down my body in a way that made me shiver. "You seemed to be dressed for gloom." I could hear the genuine concern in his voice, wreaking havoc on my suddenly muddled brain.

After a moment of consideration, I decided to open up to Eli; figuring it was the least I could do after he entrusted so much to me the night before. "Sav isn't talking to me," I shrugged…as if it were no big deal. As if I wasn't totally devastated over that fact.

"Ah, yes; our entire lunch period witnessed the fight," Eli reminded me, and I groaned at the memory, resisting the urge to stick my tongue out at the boy next to me…who was staring at me with an intensity that could have single handedly caused global warning. "I meant to ask you about it last night…but I got distracted."

"Thanks again," I nodded, turning to flash Eli a sad smile; the memory of my nightmare was still vivid. But I could handle Eli's past. I would handle it; he needed me to, and I would not be another person to let him down.

"What are _you_ thanking _me _for?"

His voice was so incredulous; I couldn't help the laughter that escaped. It sounded mangled and wrong, so I covered my mouth with my hand; an embarrassed blush rising to my cheeks. "I-for letting me understand you. For forgiving me so easily. I'm so happy to have you in my life," I told him. I instantly regretted my brutal honesty, though, when the pleased smirk tugged at Eli's lips. I could easily see how my words could have been taken the wrong way…but I loved Sav. I was in love with Sav. And no matter how much I enjoyed Eli's company—appreciated his wit and cynicism and passion—that wasn't going to change.

No matter how attractive I found Eli, I could control myself, right? I mean, it was purely physical…yes, that was all.

"In that case, you're welcome…but I believe I owe you a thank you, as well. You're so…," Eli paused, seemingly at a loss for words, "Perfect." He cleared his throat. "The perfect friend," he clarified suddenly emphasizing the last word with a peculiar, unidentifiable emotion. Did I detect irony in his voice?

I shook my head slowly, at a loss for words. Anything I could say would come out wrong; Eli's own honesty leaving me flustered. My face probably betrayed enough as it was; my blush deepening, my heart quickening its pace.

My stunned shaking freed a loose curl from my clips, the hair flopped in my eyes, and I felt my breath rush out of my lungs as Eli gently reached to tuck it behind my ear, his fingers lingering on my neck, just barely grazing skin. Why was he being so…so affectionate? Where was the indifferent, cold, secretive, scared boy I was used to? Could his confession have altered his, erm, feelings for me that much? My mind, of its own accord, flashed back to his speech about love; the way his eyes had held mine. "Eli," I breathed, not sure what I wanted to say.

"Yes?" he asked, that unnervingly arrogant smirk on his lips.

My insides had become so foreign to me—my reactions never making sense—that I just chickened out. "I have to go to class."

Narrowing his eyes playfully at me, Eli took a step away. "Always so saintly," he winked, turning to grab something from his locker before taking a few steps in the direction of his first class. "I'll see you at lunch."

As soon as he had gone, I started chanting to myself: _Sav, Sav, Sav_. I certainly didn't feel deserving of my St. Clare title at that moment, and I was desperate to fix whatever had come undone inside me. My footsteps frantically carried me toward the general vicinity of Sav's locker; as if seeing him would fix my sudden befuddlement. After all, Sav had been my anchor of sorts…ever since the first night we ever really talked…after the fateful football game. He had been holding me to sanity and comfort ever since. So, even though Alli's warning had been clear, I needed to see him. As a reminder.

Of what, I didn't want to dwell.

Thankfully, as I approached, I found Sav leaning against his locker, listening to Holly J babble on about something. A stab of jealously shook my body at the same time I let out a sigh of confusing relief. He looked happy, smiling politely at his vice president.

Taking a tentative step closer to Sav, I gave a nervous cough. Holly J looked at me before Sav did, cocking her eyebrow knowingly. "We can just talk about the fundraiser some other time," she assured Sav, already taking a few steps away from his locker—but he still wasn't glancing at me. "Are you free for lunch?"

Sparing a fleeting glance for where I was waiting to talk to him, Sav nodded. "Lunch is fine; I'll meet you in the student council office."

Trying not to feel too disappointed that he wouldn't be joining me as usual, I focused my attention on getting Sav to hold my gaze. He looked tired and defeated—worry clutched at my lungs, making it hard to breathe. "How…are you feeling?" I asked stupidly as soon as Holly J had given a curt nod and disappeared down the hall.

"Just dandy," he replied, rolling his eyes with exasperation. "I am busy, though. Can we talk later, Clare?"

I gulped, casting my eyes downward. "I—yeah. Later is fine."

"Hey," he murmured, and I glanced up just in time to see him approach me, a gentle gleam in his eye. "Don't pout," there was a light teasing in his tone that released some of the pressure in my chest. Sav rested his palm against my cheek, leaning down to kiss me softly on the forehead. "I'm not as mad as I was last night. I want to fix this, okay? I just…I don't know what I want to say to you right now. It just, I'm still hurt that you would lie to me." I nodded along, knowing that he had every right to be upset and hurt. I just hated putting off the conversation. For some gut reason, it felt like a bad idea to me. "I have a free period after lunch…I can get you out of media immersion so we can talk. How does that sound?"

I wasn't a huge fan of skipping class, but I also wasn't exactly in the best place to be picky. "That sounds like a nice compromise," I finally offered, my voice soft as I stepped away from him, I worked hard to bite back the apologies that I want to spout at him once again; saving them, instead, for later.

"Alright; I'll see you then," he took a sudden step back. "You should get to class."

Silently, I sulked off to math, dropping into my seat just seconds before the bell sounded. I immediately flipped through my book to slide out the set of problems we had for homework, passing it up the row as Alli turned to me. "Someone looks like they got a lot of sleep last night," she commented casually, the hint of worry in her voice barely detectable.

"Just a little less than the daily recommendation," I sounded back, mirroring her relaxed tone. She snorted, but didn't push it; turning her attention to the head of the room. I, on the other hand, seemed to be eternally distracted. There was a stew of anxious anticipation bubbling in my stomach, and I wasn't sure if it pertained to my scheduled talk with Sav or seeing Eli in English. The boy I had seen earlier was just so different and open that it made me nervous; the way his gaze alone could make my blood boil made me nervous.

When the bell rang signaling the end of class, I gathered my books with a flustered energy, turning quickly to Alli. "Please tell me you don't have any prior lunch commitments," I begged.

She looked perplexed for a moment. "Random…," she pointed out as we left the classroom. She waited for me to elaborate, but when I didn't, she sighed. "I'm actually helping Jenna with her science at lunch; she's been struggling, so I offered to walk her through the unit. I'm sure it'd be just fine if you joined, though," Alli added as an afterthought, her face guilty.

"I'd rather eat my own hair," I narrowed my eyes glumly. I would be eating lunch alone. With Eli. Just Eli and me. "Thanks, though. I'll find someone to eat with."

Alli raised an all-knowing eyebrow at me. "What? Dr. Doom suddenly doesn't want to spend time with you anymore?"

I let my head fall back, a gusty sigh rushing out of my lungs. "Alli…I just," I paused, almost wanting to spill my guts to her; tell her everything I had learned the night before. How different Eli had been earlier; how bizarre my reactions had been to his newly blatant affection. But then I remembered that she was struggling to remain objective, the middle man. I would just be making her life harder, and complicating things further with Sav—two things I did not want to do. "I just want Sav to trust me again."

She nodded, as if she totally understood what I meant; which she couldn't: not without the whole picture. "So don't eat in the cafeteria. I hear that memorial garden is quite nice," Alli winked before setting off for class. "See you later, Clare!"

"If I don't explode first," I mumbled under my breath, walking into Miss Dawes' classroom. Eli was back in his usual seat in front of me, and I took a deep breath, holding it in my lungs as I sat down.

He turned around instantly—almost as if he could sense my presence—and raised his eyebrows. "Math got you down?" Eli teased.

"Always," I huffed, but that involuntary smile threatened to twitch itself into place. I turned my attention to my notebook, taking my time to flip it open and find the first empty page with care. Anything to keep me from staring into those stupidly hypnotic green eyes.

"So…," he started off, unusually awkward.

"Yes?"

"Well, we have an unfinished project on our hands, just waiting to come to a conclusion," he pointed out, craning his neck to force to me to meet his gaze.

I flashed him a half-smile, still refusing to look him in the eye head-on. "I suppose we do."

"Are you free after school," he prompted, an edge of petulance in his voice. I couldn't blame him—I was being entirely too difficult to talk to.

I tried not to sigh too loudly, conflicted. On one hand, the last thing I needed was to spend more time, alone, with Eli outside of school. I wasn't sure how much longer I could ignore the flipping in my stomach. On the other hand, he was my friend and I enjoyed his company. I did want to finish the project, and being around Eli allowed me to forget about all my problems with Sav for a while. In fact, being around Eli made me forget a lot of things…

"Yes, I'm free," I finally decided, looking Eli in the eye to offer a genuine smile. My heart flooded my throat, though, at the look of pure enjoyment he was eyeing me with. "Y-you could come over," I offered, stumbling over my words.

He flashed me a smirk before nodding. "Great." And, with that, he turned to face forward. I let out a gust of air I hadn't realized I was holding, my entire body feeling quivery.

"Yeah," I agreed several moments too late; Dawes was already teaching, "It's great."

XXX

By the time lunch reared its ugly head, every nerve in my body had been fried beyond recognition. Tail tucked between my legs, I sullenly made my way to the memorial garden, as Alli had suggested. I was a few bites into my sandwich, and several chapters into The Hunger Games, when I felt eyes on me. "I never took you for the sulking type, Edwards."

I rolled my eyes, looking up to find Eli sitting down next to me. "I'm not sulking, jerk-face."

He cocked an eyebrow at me. "That's the best you can do? Really?"

"Leave me alone; I'm sulking," I mocked.

"Well, that's just unflattering, Edwards."

I couldn't hold back my laugh when Eli winked. "You're kind of impossible, you know that right?"

"Impossibly charming, you mean."

"Whatever lets you sleep better at night," I giggled, clearing the clutter from my lunch to make room. "What can I do for you?"

Eli shrugged. "You weren't in the cafeteria, and I think you've ruined me."

I scoffed, offended. "I don't know what you're talking about, but I'm sure I haven't."

"Yes, you have," he insisted. "I used to prefer eating alone; enjoy it, even. Now it just seems lonely and pathetic, sitting by myself."

"Maybe because it is lonely and pathetic," I teased, kind of amazed by the notion that Eli found being alone strange. Because of me. Despite all his dramatic changes, I would have thought the need for seclusion was a primal part of what made Eli Goldsworthy, well, Eli Goldsworthy. "But I'm sorry for ruining you," I leaned over to bump him with my shoulder.

"I'm not sorry…but why _aren't_ you in the cafeteria?"

I smiled softly at Eli. "Just kind of avoiding people today; I'm not really in the mood."

"Avoiding _all_ people, or just me?" he asked, showing off his scarily perceptive side.

"There's a possibility that I noticed you were one of the many people I would be…not seeing," I stumbled over my words, clumsily trying to stick to the truth.

Eli nodded, his face suddenly guarded again. "I see; any particular reason?"

I hung my head, nervously fiddling with the book in my hands. "You were being so nice to me this morning, and Sav…and I just don't want to do the wrong thing."

Eli's hand on my shoulder was soft, tentative. "Hey, look at me; please?" His voice sounded so desperate that I couldn't help myself—I had to meet those green, green eyes. "I know things are suddenly intense…my little story last night was a lot to take in. But you've been so great to me; loyal and trustworthy. There's no way you could do the wrong thing in my book."

My heart melted at Eli's speech, but I couldn't help think that was exactly what I was afraid of; that too perfect image that Eli had of me in his head. "Stop it," I warned, a small smile threatening to break into a bigger one.

Eli cocked his head at my peculiar response. "Stop what?"

"Blaming yourself for my mood," I pointed out, setting my book aside so I could place my hand gently over his. "Yes, hearing what you had to go through was a little upsetting, but that's only because I care about you. I sincerely wish you hadn't had to experience any of that, and I'm sorry if it seems like I'm pulling away. I assure you, I just have a lot on my plate."

His hand was suddenly over the top of mine. "When don't you, Edwards? I guess it _is _reassuring to hear that you're not acting like a kangaroo because of something I did, though."

"Kangaroo…jumpy, I get it; very clever," I snipped sarcastically, withdrawing my hand slowly. A not-quite-uncomfortable silence fell over us, and I glanced around the memorial garden. Thinking aloud, I said, "We never really talked about what the display will look like for our project after we're done." I gestured over to the small space, sectioned off by Simpson's orders, just for us.

I could see the gears turning in Eli's head as he stared at the same empty space, thinking hard. "Ted's a welder, you know."

"No, can't say that I know much about Ted at all."

"Well, he's a welder," Eli repeated, winking at me. "I'll mention it to him tonight. Maybe he could whip up something."

I raised my eyebrows, glancing back at the space. "That's a cool idea; I like it!"

"Of course you do; I came up with it," Eli smirked, pulling out his lunch.

"Do you always have to be so arrogant?" I narrowed my eyes at him, relaxing into the familiar banter. Eli and I worked best like this; the loose kind of bickering. There were no deeper emotions involved, I didn't have to worry about saying something that would give Eli the wrong idea…it was just the two of us having fun ragging on each other.

"No, sometimes I can be smug or self-absorbed."

I rolled my eyes, laughing. "Okay, okay; you're losing your touch. _I_ could have come up with that one."

"Ouch, woman, that cuts deep," he laughed, his eyes sparkling. "Take it back!"

"Never," I teased, finishing off my sandwich and shoving my garbage into my paper bag. "I'll see you later, though," I told him cheerily, standing up and ruffling his hair. He didn't even flinch—instead smiling up at me with a fondness in his eyes that made me shiver.

"I'll wait for you outside," he promised, standing up as well. As he walked back inside, I found myself staring after him, wishing he didn't have leave; he seemed to be taking my calm, good mood with him. I finished the rest of my lunch in a frantic panic, unable to focus on my book.

I wasn't sure why the thought of talking with Sav was sending me into a desperate panic. If anything, I should have been pleased; this was what I had wanted in the first place. But the potential that it could go wrong made me sick to my stomach. He was too much to lose.

I was so on edge; the sound of the bell had me on my feet, a tiny shriek slipping out against my will. "Get it together, Saint Clare," I chastised myself, using the nickname if only because I was just frustrated with myself.

I threw away the contents of my half-eaten lunch, stopping by my locker to get my Media Immersions binder, and stood outside the computer lab, scanning the halls for Sav. My heart was threatening to race my stomach out of my throat, but I kept myself firmly rooted in place. When there were mere seconds before the bell, I let out a defeated sigh. Maybe he would be coming to get me in a few minutes.

I took my seat with poor grace, trying to hide the chagrinned expression on my face from Alli. I really did try to pay attention to the lecture, but it was impossible for me to pull my eyes away from the door for too long.

Sav didn't come. He wasn't coming…maybe he really didn't want to fix anything.

I spent the rest of the afternoon in a crummy, sullen mood. It was worse than pouting; I was devastated. Perhaps it was premature, but it seemed like a good time to mourn the loss of my relationship.

Alli seemed to sense my need to brood in silence. Instead of trying to coax words from me, she kept a watchful eye on me without words. Which was actually kind of amazing, considering it was Alli.

When the final bell rang, she simply squeezed my shoulder. "See you tomorrow, girl." I nodded, standing slowly and making my way to my locker. I pulled out my bag and coffee mug before making my way to the front steps. Eli was already there, paging through our notebook.

"I think we should pick some of our favorite quotes," Eli mentioned, sensing my presence with scary accuracy. "I can give them to Ted…he could incorporate them into whatever he comes up with."

"That sounds nice," was all I could manage.

Eli raised his eyebrow at my lack of opinion, but didn't push the issue. He merely stood, and gestured for me to follow as he walked to wherever he had parked his hearse.

I hadn't realized how well Eli had become at reading my moods, too, but he seemed to sense that I wasn't in the mood for chatter or casual banter as well. Instead of trying to engage me in conversation, make fun of me or mock the world, Eli turned on his radio and sang along under his breath.

When he finally pulled his hearse up to my house, parking on the curb, he turned to me. "Someone punch you in the gut or something?"

I chuckled darkly. "Something like that, yeah."

"Do you need someone to talk to?"

"No, but thank you."

He nodded as if he understood. "No problem."

Once we were inside, Eli made himself at home, settling into the couch and pulling the notebook from his backpack. I sat down almost-next to him, leaving a large gap of space between us. But, without thinking, Eli slide closer, flipping through the pages some more. "I already marked the lines I liked in free period," Eli admitted, showing me where he carefully underlined some sections. "Why don't you read through these and pick the ones you like, too." He handed me a pencil and sat silently as I read to myself.

I was so absorbed in the silence and the words, that I was shocked when I felt Eli's breath on my cheek. He had gotten very, very close, reading the passages I was starring. "Does Doctor Anal Retentive approve?" I snarked, my stomach flipping at his proximity.

"Why, yes, he does," Eli breathed, but he wasn't looking at the page any more. Our eyes had locked in an intense stare down. I could feel my bones—my everything—turning to mush.

"You're pretty," I whispered, the words falling from my mouth in an embarrassing moment of befuddlement. It was just…his eyes were filling my vision, and they didn't look quite as haunted as before. Just deep and beautiful and endless.

"Hear my soul speak. Of the very instant that I saw you, Did my heart fly at your service," Eli quoted, his voice impossibly low. "Or, in other words…I think you're swell, Clare Edwards."

I gulped. My mind went blank. All the pain and sadness leaked out of my body and there was nothing in the room but Eli and this bubbling in the pit of my stomach. I could literally feel the beating of his heart—it seemed to be racing the same speed as mine.

Later, I would question what went through my mind. Later I would wonder how I had ever let things escalate without realizing how far they had really gone. Later I would curse myself for being so blind.

But, in that moment, I forgot anyone else but Eli even _existed_ let alone about my boyfriend, Sav. It was in that moment that I realized this was more than just a physical attraction to Eli. This was something stronger, more insistent.

And that feeling was telling me to act; to express.

Since the impulse control center of my brain had shut down, along with everything else, I closed the small gap between our faces in a clumsy desperation. Eli's lips wasted no time in reacting. His hand was at the nape of my neck, curling around hair and pulling me close to him, his thumb grazing my cheek. My hands flew to his shoulders, gipping, pulling, headily.

As fast as everything was happening, it should have been clumsy and awkward, but it was as if our lips spoke the same language, knew of the same desire. Something inside of me exploded as Eli's lips melded to mine, moving in a frenzy that had my heart rate accelerating exponentially.

Briefly, I wondered if that moment was the definition of ecstasy.

But I didn't have time to dwell because—much as the last time Eli and I had been in my house alone—a hurt gasp sounded from the doorway.

"It was unlocked," Sav's voice growled, and he gestured to the door.

Eli and I pulled away quickly, as if the two of us had been electrocuted by the short-circuiting of our kiss.

"Sav-," I started, not sure what I was saying. There were tears in his eyes and he looked livid. I stood. "It's not, don't…"

"No. I was busy after lunch, you know? A student council thing came up. How _dare_ you, Clare!?"

There was a fire in his eyes that I had never seen before. Shaking his head, he held up a piece of worn paper in his hand. I took a step forward, but Sav crushed it in his fist. "Wait!" I plead, but it was too late. He threw the paper at my feet, storming out of the room. The slamming door made both Eli and I jump.

"Clare," Eli started, a catch in his voice.

"Shut up!" I trilled. I wasted no time falling to the ground and smoothing out the paper.

On it, I found the lyrics to a single song:

Blue Eyed Angel

Property of Sav Bhandari

_I used to think I knew the world, but my perception was changed by a beautiful girl_

_She took me by the hand and showed me how to live; to learn, to laugh, to love and forgive_

_I see my fate inside her eyes, but how could I ever deserve someone so wise_

_Oh, blue eyed angel, you're my everything. When you're near me I hear the music, I need to sing_

_Blue eyed angel, you light my soul on fire._

_How can it be, you're perfect to me._

_A hypnotizing marriage of love and desire_

It took me a few seconds to realize the song was written for me. On the back, in Sav's handwriting, it read, 'Happy six months! I'm so happy to have you in my life. Let's kiss and make up?"

A sob tore its way out of my chest.


	11. Dreamless Nights

**This is a long chapter where a lot happens—bear with me, lovelies. I really can't thank you enough for the continued support. **

My life was hell, and I had the pounding headache to prove it.

Just standing at the bottom of the front steps of Degrassi felt intimidating and impossible. The events of the last few days seemed to swirl around my head—clear and close while, at the same time, remaining a distant buzz that I wanted desperately to ignore.

But you can't ignore your past. Especially your past mistakes.

Holding a deep breath in my lungs, I grasped the silver cross around my neck like a lifeline. Because throughout all my life, I had never felt I needed God more than in that moment. I never felt like I deserved Him less.

"Sav," my voice was meek and quiet, broken on all accounts as I approached his locker. "I need to talk to you."

He didn't turn around. He didn't say anything—no twitch to even acknowledge the fact that he registered my presence. "Um, okay," I stuttered nervously. Maybe it's impossibly selfish of me to expect him to let me have my moment of pleading. But my chest felt uncomfortably heavy with the apology I owed him, and the thought of leaving it unsaid choked me for a second. "I don't…I understand now why you had reservations about me being friends with Eli," my voice was even, the speech rehearsed a million times before my bathroom mirror that morning between bursts of sharp, painful tears. "And I'm sorry for being so blind to the way he felt from the beginning. I'm sorry for ever letting things get out of hand, and I am so, so, so incredibly sorry for betraying you."

It seemed like Sav had stopped breathing for a minute before he turned to face me. His eyes were cold—the complete opposite of the open generosity that I had taken for granted so many times. That angry, furious, hurt Sav…he was all wrong.

"Do you have feelings for Eli?"

The question was straightforward, Sav's words stilted, his nostrils flared with his unadulterated ferocity. But I didn't have a straight answer for him, and the second I had to salvage myself had passed me by.

The truth was, after I had kicked Eli out of my house—after I had managed to drag myself from the floor—I started to do a lot of thinking. My mind had chased itself in circles for hours upon sleepless hours. What had that kiss meant? Why had it felt so wonderful when it had been so destructive? Why couldn't I make up my mind about Eli? Where did that leave me with Sav?

So many questions, and no way for me to answer them. I just didn't know myself well enough to figure out what I needed or wanted. And that just really wasn't fair to Sav or Eli…so I shouldn't have approached Sav at all. Still, the only thing I did know was the true and utter terror that was invoked in my soul at the very thought that Sav would walk out of my life, angry and hating me. I needed him in ways that I hadn't realized until I was forced to face the very real possibility that I might not get to keep him.

But…Eli: he needed me in ways that were too intimate for friendship. And I was shocked to realize, there was a part of me that didn't want to do without him, either. He brought out parts of my personality that I hadn't even had an inkling existed.

"Forget it," Sav's sharp voice brought me back to the present moment.

He tried to push past me, but in a desperate bout of adrenaline I caught him by the forearm and jerked him to a stop. Before either of us registered what I was doing, before I could compute the way some wild string had come undone inside of me, my lips were crashing desperately against Sav's.

If the kiss with Eli had been desperate and erotic—trying to find purchase on a surface that was nothing but precarious and slippery—the kiss with Sav was one of sheer terror, a slow, insistent burning. But it was also soulful; I put everything that I had to offer into that kiss: my heart, my soul, my confusion and my need.

Frantic and feeling something I never had before in the pit of my stomach, I clutched Sav's shirt, pulling him closer closer closer…and for a miraculous moment he kissed me back. I felt the flame on the tip of his tongue.

All too soon, it was over, though. Sav's hands were rough as the shoved me away—wanting me gone.

I stumbled backward, my cheeks a bright pink…Sav even had a little color on his dark skin…gasping for breath.

"Stop trying so hard to convince yourself, Clare," Sav's voice was coated with anger, betrayal, and his words rooted themselves right in my heart. Because I understood exactly what he was accusing me of, and the horrible part was he might have been a tad bit right about my motives—even if I hadn't realized it.

"Sav…"

But he shook his head, unwilling to compromise himself a second longer; he walked away. I stood in the crowded hallway like a fool for several moments before my head cleared enough to give my feet the signal to move. But, even then, the movement hurt in strange ways.

Lost and spinning, I walked to my locker, already anticipating the final bell of the day.

But of course Eli was there, waiting by his own locker—a strange mix of reservation, sheepishness and happiness just coloring the edges of his features. I wanted to turn and run, knowing I had already done enough damage with my indecisiveness. But he had already seen me, and running away would certainly steal the happiness right out of his guarded expression.

"So…," Eli trailed off, bouncing on the balls of his feet as he awkwardly tried to strike up a conversation.

"Yeah," I agreed miserably, shoving my bag into my locker.

"Okay, so, I know it's more than a little soon, but I think I love you, Clare. And if there's even a chance that you might feel the same way, I think we owe it to ourselves to give this a shot. Because last night…well, I can't be the only one who felt that the kiss was more than just your run-of-the-mill teenage lust. There's something between us, and I'll wait until you're over Sav…but I really…Clare…?" he trailed off in question, realizing that I had covered my ears childishly with my hands.

It didn't stop me from catching the entirety of his speech, though. And it was just much, much too early in the morning for this.

I couldn't help it. I had to take my frustrations out on someone. Eli just happened to have some pretty bad timing and a well delivered speech that just left more fog in my ever-muddled brain.

"Just shut up, would you!?" I screeched at him, my voice reaching an octave I was unaware was in my range. "I can't do this right now, and how dare you just assume that everything with Sav and me is over," I lowered my voice to a hiss, though we already had an audience. "I don't know what I want, I don't know what I feel and how dare you take advantage of that!" It seemed like the entire school had gone silent, listening to me lash out at Eli. I was jabbing my finger into his chest to punctuate words, my face had gone beet red and I was pretty sure whatever center of my brain that had once housed my logic had shut down for good.

One thing was for sure, even though I registered Eli's hurt, shocked eyes, I couldn't feel the guilt seep into my consciousness just yet. I was too busy silently seething over myself and Eli and Sav and the situation as a whole and, oh, God, I needed out of the hall. It seemed like the walls had started to cave in, trapping me in—causing my hyperventilation. I clutched at the silver cross.

Without warning, I sprinted for the bathroom; leaving more destruction behind me.

I locked myself in a stall, allowing myself to dissolve into tears once again, my eyes red, puffy and raw. I heard the first bell ring, but I couldn't care less. I wanted nothing to do with math at that moment.

A few minutes of nothing but gushing tears passed…a few more…and then I heard the bathroom door opening. The distinct click of heels stopped in front of my stall and I heard someone clear their throat meaningfully: Alli.

"I know that's you in there, Clare. Open up."

Her voice wasn't necessarily harsh, but it wasn't kind either. I didn't really want to deal with her…not even just in that moment. I didn't want to ever have to face Alli. Out of everyone I had betrayed I knew Alli would receive the grunt of my bad decision. I put her in such a bad position.

"No, thank you," I quietly declined her request.

"Clare," Alli let out an exaggerated sigh to end all sighs, "Seriously. I only have a few minutes before Mr. Armstrong gets suspicious."

Slowly, still warring with myself, I rose to my feet and opened the stall. "How's it going?" I asked meekly, the irony in my voice lost on her.

She glared at me. "Don't you 'how's it going' me! What do you have to say for yourself?"

"I don't know…how much do you know?" I gulped. Alli glared back at me, and I knew that Sav had told her the entire story. "Well then I don't know what you want me to say! You want to hear me beg for forgiveness? I already tried that with Sav. You want me sob, lash out? Newsflash, already did that, too!"

"I just don't get it, Clare," Alli snapped. "You had Sav. Why wasn't that enough?"

"It was, more than enough. I think I've proven just fine that I don't deserve him, don't you think?"

"Yeah, I do. But _why,_ Clare? Eli is nothing but an asshole."

"No he's not!" I instantly jumped to his defense. "They're both great guys, okay? Eli's just as much a victim of my stupidity as Sav, so stop trying to blame him. I'm the one you want, remember? Sic the dogs on _me_."

Alli's face twisted up with rage for a moment before all the emotion leaked out at once. Only a look of reservation remained. "I didn't find you so that I could yell at you or point fingers," she dropped her head in her hands for a moment, massaging the tension out of her temples.

"Then why did you find me? It's not like I don't deserve it. I…I cheated on your brother. And now I have no idea what I'm doing because I didn't think that I would ever like Eli this much. I don't want to hurt anyone anymore, but it seems like all I'm capable of."

A grim look of satisfaction clouded Alli's face, and she rested a hand, light as a feather, on my shoulder. "I told you so."

I hung my head; there it was, the moment she had known from the start was coming. "Yeah, you did."

The silence grew thick in the air between us, cutting off a connection I had thought was beyond being damageable.

Finally, Alli retracted her hand and took a few tentative steps for the door. "If you make up your mind, let me know," her eyebrows knitted together.

"You'll be the first," I promised sadly, nodding my head in defeat as she walked out.

So that was it, then. The one person I had depended on so fully for so long…she just couldn't handle me because I was too much of a fuck-up.

Suddenly, the walls caved in around me and I could not draw a single breath. I needed to get out, and I needed it now. Running like some monster was chasing me, I carelessly pushed through the front doors of the school. I ran without looking back until my feet were firmly on the porch of my house. And when I was finally safe inside, I collapsed for the second time in twenty-four hours and started to sob, the weight of my loss bearing down on my chest.

XXX

A week passed. Seven full days. And I barely came out of my room save for school and meals. Alli didn't try to talk to me, Sav stayed as far away as possible—not even showing up for lunch. And, around Wednesday, so had I.

Eli was the only one who tried a few times to break through. He tried to apologize for pushing me, pled with me to talk to him. But all I could do was shake my head and whisper that I needed space.

Though, given the fact that I was still confused beyond all reasonable doubt and sinking further and further into a depression, it could be argued that space wasn't exactly treating me well.

By the time Friday morning reared its head, I was miserable. The dull ache in my head had never truly gone away, and my eyes were permanently sore and puffy.

As expected, my mother was concerned. "Clare, are you sure you're alright?" she asked. We both knew the answer to the question, but my mother had no clue what the details were. I hadn't exactly been willing to share.

"Great," I grumbled, no small amount of irony in my voice.

"You know," she posed casually, her cheeks turning a dull pink as I looked up from my cereal. Her tone had caught what was left of my scattered attention. "Your father is really anxious to see you."

I snorted, turning my attention back to the cheerios. After all, they weren't trying to pass me off on someone else because they didn't know what to do with me.

"Clare," my mother's voice instantly reacted to my insolence. "You need to get away for a while. I don't know why, but something tells me you could benefit from being out of Toronto for a bit."

I nodded in response, already tired of the one-sided conversation.

"Your dad misses you," she pointed out, trying a different approach.

"I miss him," I whispered, and it was true. I did miss Dad. I wanted to see him…I just preferred if it wasn't while I was basically moments away from a crippling depression. I wanted to see him on happier terms.

"Good, it's decided, then," my mom smiled sadly, standing to rinse out her plate of eggs. "I'll call him, and after school I can drive you out there."

"I can't wait," I grimaced, chasing the tiny circles around the bowl with my spoon. That was just want I needed, an 8 hour car ride with my mother.

But, needed or not, that was just what I got. We sped down the highway as my mom continued to offer painful attempts at conversation. I sat mutely, a packed bag between my feet, staring out the window. It was the epitome of awkward and lasted far too long. I just wanted to curl into a ball and turn off my brain, but sappy love longs kept coming on the radio, and my mother asked about Sav…my weekend getaway certainly hadn't done me any good at that point.

More than anything, I just wanted to press my hands over my ears and scream.

But I refrained, and, around midnight we pulled up to Dad's new apartment. "Thanks for driving me," I thanked my mother halfheartedly as I kissed her on the cheek. "You want to come up and say hello to Dad?"

She yawned and looked at the radio clock. "Maybe I could stay for…the night," she squinted, obviously doing the math that she wouldn't get back home till the early morning.

I nodded as she turned off the car. Together, we trudged up the stairs, and stopped in front of door 3A. My dad must have been waiting for us because as soon as I raised my hand to knock, the door swung open. "Clare, Helen! I'm glad you made it alright. I pulled out the trundle bed; I figured you'd both stay the night and I don't have _too_ much space."

Mom nodded, "That's fine, Randall, thank you."

Since it was so late, there wasn't much in the way of conversation—which was perfectly fine with me. I hugged my dad hello and walked into the tiny closet of a spare room. Once I had settled down into the unfamiliar bed, I stared blankly at where the moon was shining brightly outside the tiny window. I knew that I was further away, physically, from my problems. But alone in the unfamiliar bed, I had never felt closer to the demons that were swirling around my thoughts, unrelenting.

Sav, Eli, Sav, Eli, Sav, Eli…there was no end to the confusion. I was no closer to realizing what I wanted, needed. No closer to knowing which relationship I should have been desperately trying to rebuild.

By the time the sun was rising, spilling buttery orange across the walls, I had my head buried in my journal. Back and forth, I wrote paragraphs on end for each boy, delving into who they were, how they made me feel, everything they stood for. Still, when I nodded off around six in the morning, I wasn't any closer to realizing what I was going to do.

A few hours later, I woke up groggy, but with a delicious aroma beckoning me to my dad's tiny, new kitchen.

"You made pancakes," I stated to obvious, rubbing my eyes open to see my dad—wearing an apron—posed at the oven. It was such a comforting, old memory…that I couldn't help but smile for the first time in what felt like ages.

It was quickly wiped away, though, when I remembered a particularly special morning consisting of paper crowns and stolen glances.

Dad seemed to notice, a slight frown turning down his mouth for just a second. "Of course I did! It's not every weekend that I have my baby girl to keep me company. I had to do something special."

"Well, thanks," I tried to retrieve the grin, but thoughts of Sav had scared it off for good. I pulled out a chair at the modest table and watched my dad flip the pancakes delicately. "What happened to Mom?"

"She took off early; figured she'd give us some time alone."

"Oh," I nodded and then let the conversation fall to the wayside.

Dad was always much more receptive to my moods than Mom…he seemed to sense that he shouldn't push just then. Instead, he just brought a plate loaded with comforting calories and allowed me to eat in silence. As if we were in synch, never really stopped living together, he slid the Arts and Entertainment section of the newspaper over to me as he browsed the Sports page.

For the first time in a week, I felt myself relaxing.

After all the pancakes had been—guiltily—devoured, we slowly washed up the kitchen. Dad hummed lightly under his breath, but it wasn't until we had made the place spotless again that he really broke the silence.

"If you're up for it, Clare-bear, I have a day planned for us…"

He was leaving it up to me. If I wanted to, he'd let me lock myself in the guest bedroom all day…but since I was actually there, spending the first real time with my dad since he had moved, I didn't want to play the part of the recluse. I wanted to feel alive again. I wanted to be my daddy's little girl; the one who knew nothing of heartache and betrayal.

"That sounds nice," I worked up the smile once again, moving in to give my dad a kiss on the cheek. "Just let me shower and change."

As soon as I was clean and had pulled on a dress, I met my dad back in the kitchen. While I was in the shower, he had changed into something nicer as well, and he held out his arm for me. Silently, I looped my arm through his, stifling a giggle as I tried to remember that I was supposed to be devastated, depressed and lonely.

But, with my dad, apparently that was impossible. He had planned out this perfect day—taking me to a bookstore, stopping for coffee whenever we got the least bit sluggish…Italian for lunch, a strip mall afterward. He told me about his job, peppered me with questions about school, and told me all about his co-works and how he was adjusting. I offered little information about what was actually going on in my life, preferring to hear him talk about how happy he was.

At any rate, it allowed me to forget about my own misery for several hours.

But as we walked up the stairs of his new place, I could feel the panic slowly starting to creep into my consciousness again. I didn't want to go back to bed for another sleepless night. I wanted the day to last forever.

Dad seemed to sense my growing discomfort and anxiety because as I started to sulk to my room, he called me back. "Clare," his voice was gentle but demanding. I froze. "I know you need space, but don't you think it's about time you tell me what's up with you."

"I don't know what you're talking about," my voice was strangled with fear as I turned back to face him.

"I think we both know that's not true," he accused, taking his seat at the kitchen table. "Come here."

I didn't bother to dispute him. But I refused to open up.

"Why haven't you been sleeping?" he started in right away.

"I sleep fine," I tried, but I knew the dark circles under my eyes talked for themselves. "I'm just stressed."

"Okay, what about?"

"I don't know…school?" I didn't sound very convincing.

"Clare, sweetie, I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong."

I blinked a couple times, trying to hold back tears. He was right. If I was going to figure this out, I needed help…help from someone who would love me unconditionally even though I had screwed up so royally. I needed my daddy.

"I-I did something bad," I gulped.

Dad raised an eyebrow. "That's a start; tell me more."

"Okay…but promise you'll still love me after," I sniffled.

"Clare, what happened," genuine concern and just a hint of hysteria colored my dad's tone. It was time to get out with it.

"I think I kind of cheated on Sav," I mumbled.

"You think, kind of?" he asked, understandably confused.

"It's a long story," I sighed, letting my head sink to the table as a few tears slid down my cheeks.

"You're here for the night," my dad reminded me, brushing back my hair in a comforting gesture that made me feel like a little girl again.

And so I told him—everything. I told him about Eli, how we met, Eli's past and the way everything caught me off guard. I didn't go into detail about the kiss, I couldn't, but I made it clear why it had confused me so much.

I told my dad about Sav's song, about my selfish attempt to immediately worm my way back to his good graces. I told Dad how sad I was without him, how much I missed him. How I had destroyed everything with Alli, too.

Once I was finished, cried out and exhausted, my dad paused for a long time, digesting all the information. "That's certainly a brain teaser," he finally sighed.

"Helpful," I pouted, expecting more.

"Well, Clare, I can't tell you what to do. Only you can figure that out for yourself—cliché, but true." He placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. "What I can tell you, is what I know about love. I know it may sound fickle coming from me, since I divorced the only woman I ever really loved, but that was what was best for your mother and me. We needed to be alone. Still, if you truly love someone, not having them in your life invokes a terrible fear inside you," he pointed to my heart, a smile filled with ancient sadness on his lips. "Just try living without them for a while; you'll figure it out."

I nodded, my mind already kicking into overdrive. After all, wasn't that what I was doing, living without them. And I realized there was a fear inside me…and I knew, suddenly, which one I could never live without.

Dad seemed to see it in my eyes, because he nodded. "He's a good guy, Clare. Just don't push him, and things will work out eventually."

XXX

When I was back at school on Monday, I felt refreshed and ready to take on the world. Or at least one apology I needed desperately to make.

Dad had dropped me off mid-day on Sunday, and—after I caught up on my homework—I had spent the evening thinking about what I needed to say, to do. I even enjoyed a pleasant dinner with Mom and slept the recommended 8 hours.

The day wasn't going to be easy—when _had_ my life been easy, I couldn't remember a time—but I was finally feeling up for it. It was time to own up to my mistakes, and get my life back in order: one person at a time.

Thankfully, the person I was looking for was right where I was expecting him to be—at our lockers.

"Hey," I greeted as casually as I could.

"Oh, look who decided to talk to me," Eli's voice was harsh, each word clipped with bitterness.

"I know I don't deserve it, but give me a chance to explain?"

He gazed at me long and hard, the piercing green eyes cutting through my defenses. And that was always the problem, wasn't it? Just one look from Eli and I felt naked, defenseless; like I had no choice but to be myself and nothing but all of myself. I tried to hide my shiver. This was going to be harder than even I had anticipated.

Crossing his arms over his chest, Eli turned to face me head on. "I'm listening."

"I'm sorry, okay? I know those words can mean very little, they're almost never enough. But I am truly, sincerely sorry for what I've put you through. The truth is…this is all my fault. I should have realized what was going on with me and you before it snuck up on me so completely. And, I know this is small comfort, but I think I love you, too, Eli. I'm just not…in love with you." I paused for a moment, watching the hurt in his eyes, letting it penetrate me so completely that I wanted to double over in pain. My eyes teared up, but I continued, "I know it's selfish of me, but I really don't want to lose you as a friend. You're one of the best I've ever had, and I just…I don't want to be without you. Still, I'll understand if you say no…because I am in love with Sav, Eli. I absolutely need him, and I am going to do everything in my power to fix what I've broken. If you can't handle that…I'll get it. No judgments, no hard feelings. And that's the whole truth. I just thought you deserved to hear it."

I could feel my resolve crumbling—how could I have done this to the boy who put so much trust in me, graced me with his whole story and expected me to keep him safe. I was a horrible person, I knew, and I just needed to get away before the tears started.

Without waiting for an answer, sure that Eli would turn on me in disgust anyway; I turned on my heel, ready to bolt down the hallway.

But Eli had quick reflexes. He caught me by the arm, forcing me to stay in place.

"Okay," was all he said.

"Okay…what?" I dared to ask after a pregnant silence.

"Look Clare, there aren't very many people in the world like you. And it's going to be hard, I'm sure, but no way in hell am I letting you just walk out of my life. So, just answer me this, does he make you happy?"

"I—yeah, he really does," I gulped.

"Then that's all that matters," Eli asserted gruffly. He was being strong, defiant…but he still wasn't able to totally lock up the pain in his eyes. This was going to kill him—our friendship would never be the same. It was always going to be painful in a torturous kind of way. But if he was willing to stick it out…I was selfish enough to let him.

"Thank you," I all but whispered.

"So," Eli took a deep breath, doing his best to mute the agony in his eyes. "What's the plan?"

"What do you mean?"

"You need to get Sav back. And I am going to help."


	12. Girl Who Always Come Back

**This is the last chapter of this story, but I will not stop writing about Slare. You can count on the fact that I will be writing at least one follow-up one-shot to this universe. And I'm sure some other plot will fall into my lap. I'm too in love with this crack ship, and I cannot thank those of you who have been with me since the beginning of Rhythm of Love enough. My heart goes out to you all.**

This was a recipe fordisaster.

"You're sure Simpson didn't care?" I checked again with Eli, fidgeting as we gingerly unloaded Ted's sculpture from the back of Morty. It was brilliant, truly: a bunch of interlocking hands melded together to make an abstract sort of heart. Inscribed in the base of the structure were a couple sentences, written by Eli, about the project and the results. The center was a solid sheet of metal with a couple lone hands reaching out—three dimensional style—for someone, anyone. On the palms of these hands, Ted had engraved the quotes about love that Eli and I had picked.

In the very center, my handwriting—thanks to Ted's quick lesson on engraving—spelled out the special surprise. That grand gesture that was supposed to fix everything: my olive branch.

I just hoped Sav accepted.

No pressure or anything.

"Edwards, that man was so frazzled he barely even noticed I was asking him anything," Eli rolled his eyes, panting a little bit from the exertion of moving the less-than-light hunk of metal, "Much less care what I was asking."

It was Friday. Four days since I had confronted Eli—two weeks since I had technically talked to Sav. Upon hearing of my decision, Alli and I were on tentative talking terms again. I'd like to think that she would have eventually stuck with me no matter the outcome, but I couldn't exactly blame her for being friendlier considering I had picked her brother.

Things were on their way back to normal. Well, as normal as my life ever was. I knew Eli was trying very hard to pretend like nothing had ever happened between us, trying to keep our friendship in balance. But sometimes I still caught him staring wistfully at me, looking away quickly whenever he was caught.

It hurt, knowing that this was so hard on him. But he was being greater than I deserved, smoothing out all the details for my apology to Sav. Someday he would find a girl who deserved him and it kind of hurt to think that it wouldn't be me. But I had my Prince Charming—Eli deserved his Cinderella.

I cleared my throat. "So we're all set for lunch?" I checked for the millionth time.

"Got a frog in your pocket, Clare?" Eli asked, cocking an eyebrow at me. "Because I'm about as involved as I care to be. When lunch hour rolls around, it's all you."

"Right," I rolled my eyes playfully at his indignation, "but I'm good to go?"

"Yes, stop freaking out so much. Whatever will be, will be."

"Since when is that your personal philosophy?" I grumbled.

"Since you needed to hear it," Eli sighed dramatically. "Are you going to help me move this thing, or what? We only have ten minutes till the first bell," he pointed out, snarky as ever.

By the time we had found the janitor to borrow his two-wheeled dolly and moved the project to the memorial garden we were a few minutes late to first period. "Thank you again…for everything," I emphasized, grabbing Eli's hand and giving it a quick squeeze.

He took a moment to compose his face before he turned to me, "You're worth it, Edwards. I'll see you at lunch." And, just like that—maybe before he could do anything he might regret later—Eli was off to class.

Maybe it was because I was so focused on lunch, on what I intended to say, but I could not remember a single thing I was supposed to have learned that morning. Everything passed in a slow blur around me—life moving on as I was fixated on one, pivotal moment.

That also meant, though, that by the time lunch rolled around, my palms were sweating and my heart was threatening to race out of my chest. I was sure I was about to have a heart attack by the time I met Eli in the Media Immersions lab as promised. Mrs. Oh was handing him the wireless microphone, explaining something about how it worked to him. "Good luck you two," she smiled conspiratorially, apparently in on what we were about to attempt.

I nodded at her and then fixed my eyes on Eli. "I'm not sure if I can do this," I whispered hoarsely.

"Do you love him?" Eli asked, wincing. I nodded my response. "Then you can do this. Come on, Clare—if I can't have you, Sav needs to."

"Eli-," I started, but he cut me off with a violent shake of his head.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to say that. Seriously, though, I have not spent this entire week biting my tongue so you could chicken out."

I studied Eli's face, taking note of all the emotions shining in his eyes. Those damn, expressive eyes: they had really started this whole mess. I smiled softly, remembering how Eli and I had literally crashed into each other's lives. We were headed for disaster from the beginning, really.

A sad sigh leaving my lips, I approached Eli quickly, moving in to place a soft kiss on his cheek. "I love you. I'm sorry that's not enough," I whispered sincerely in his ear.

Eli merely shrugged, a light blush colored his cheeks. "Go get your man, Clare. You deserve it." He handed me the microphone, and I turned to leave the room. When he thought I was out of ear shot, I heard his mumble back, "I love you, too."

I spared another moment to feel horrible about what I had done to Eli, what I continued to do to Eli, before I refocused all my energy and attention of what I was going to say to Sav.

By the time I got to the lunch room and onto the makeshift stage, activity was in full swing. All around me people were being loud and obnoxious. Nervously, I scanned the chaos, making sure he was really there…

Sure enough, in the middle of everything, Sav sat with Alli, looking bored. Alli was gesturing expressively, obviously trying to keep his attention, when she caught my eye. Very quickly she winked at me, not missing a beat in whatever she was saying.

I turned on the microphone, my knees quivering with nerves, and cleared my throat. The sound echoed around the cafeteria, but very few people actually stopped what they were doing. Sav's head, though, snapped up—looking immediately in my direction. I tried to smile at him, but my face wasn't cooperating. His face was unreadable.

"Excuse me…can I have your attention?" I tried again, speaking softly into the microphone. When that didn't work, Alli whistled loudly, and everyone fell into an eerie silence. "Thanks," I nodded at Alli. "I'm sorry for interrupting your lunch hour, but I just have a quick announcement," my voice grew stronger and more confident as I continued to talk. "There has been a new addition to Degrassi's memorial garden, an art project of sorts about the power of love." There were several snickers, and someone made a very rude gesture at me. "Anyway," I ignored this, "I just wanted to publically recognize that this project has been dedicated to Sav Bhandari—because if there is anyone that embodies love and goodness, it's him." There was more giggling, but my eyes had long since locked on Sav's. He looked shocked, his skin darkening just a tad. But he didn't look away from me, so I took that as a good thing. "And I just wanted to tell him that…I'm sorry, so sorry. I love you, Sav. What happened, well, it didn't mean anything to me, but you mean _everything_ to me. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me."

I started to choke up, so instead of waiting around for the inevitable teasing comments from the rest of the crowd, or the indifference I might get from Sav, I ran off the stage and out of the room. I ran away so fast, that I missed Sav standing up, calling after me. I ran away, spreading more distance between Sav and me—leaving my apology stretching to fill the space in the middle.

XXX

I was still trying to recover from the trauma of publicly laying my heart on the line by the time I got home. No one was home, so I slipped upstairs to chance into a pair of comfy sweats and a t-shirt. If I was going to sulk, I wanted to do it right.

But just as I was about to preheat the oven to bake cookies, there was an insistent knock on the door. "Go away," I grumbled, considering ignoring the intrusion. The knocking just got louder, though, so I sighed. "Coming!" I called out, annoyed at whatever Girl Scout or Jehovah's Witness might be on the other side of the door.

I was expecting just about anything other than what I got. "Hey," Sav greeted, his smile mystified. "Bad time?" I stood for a moment, shocked beyond the capabilities of speech. "Um, can you take a walk with me?"

I glanced at the empty house before grabbing a pair of my flats and fishing the spare key out of the potted plant by the door. "Yeah," I agreed, locking the front door behind me and slipping into my shoes. "Let's go."

There was a war going on inside my head. I was happy to see Sav—relieved and elated, even—but the silence stretched between us, long and uncomfortable. We had even managed to walk a few blocks before either one of us said anything. "I got in," Sav said, breaking the silence so suddenly that I jumped.

"In…where?" I asked before anything caught up with me. And when it did, I gasped and clapped my hands. Without thinking I stopped walking and threw my arms around Sav's waist. "Into the music conservatory in the States!? That's so wonderful, Sav!"

It seemed second nature—so natural—for him to wrap his arms back around me, holding me closer and closer and closer against his tall frame. "Thanks," I heard his deep voice and slow laugh rumble in my ear. "I used the song I wrote for you, you know." His voice was colored with sadness, and I pulled away slowly. I was flushed deeply, chagrined.

"It was a beautiful song," I allowed, feeling ashamed.

"I had some decent inspiration," Sav shrugged, reaching out to tuck a stray curl behind my ear. I shivered.

We started walking again in tandem, my mind working in overtime to figure out where this was going to leave us. Did this mean he forgave me? Or was this the start of a permanent goodbye?

"So, I stopped by that, uh, sculpture in the garden," Sav started again, and I looked up at his face. He was staring down at me, the open expression I had come to love and depend on clear on his features. "Thanks, by the way. It was really sweet."

Sav, I am _so, so_ sorry," I started, figuring it was my chance to grovel.

He held up his hand, though. "I know you are. And I'm not saying that I'm totally ready to let you off the hook, but I kinda realized that neither of us handled this well." I opened my mouth to speak again, but Sav shook his head. "Look, I've done a lot of thinking in the last couple weeks. Next year, everything is going to change for me. I'll be starting university—in a different country, no less. It's going to be the first time I'll be away from my family for any long amount of time. I'll be learning and trying new things…but one thing that I don't want to be new is the girl I love. I don't want to leave you behind, Clare. I want to work this out…because I love you. And you made a mistake because you're human, but relationships are about give and take. I know for sure, though, that I need you in my life. So…what do you say?"

Sav stopped walking, rocking back on his heels as he waited anxiously for me to say something, anything, in response to his speech.

So I launched myself forward, covering his face with kisses until I reached his lips. And by that time, he was more than ready to kiss me back with an enthusiasm so potent that my heart swelled.

I had expected to grovel, to pout and cry and negotiate until I was blue in the face. I figured Sav would need more space, more time to decide if he was really ready to compromise his pride to give me another chance. But what I had found was the same sweet, caring guy I had always known—the one that was willing to recognize when things weren't perfect, but was also willing to shoulder the responsibility. "I love you, too," I promised him in between kisses. He really was the perfect counterpart to me, he completed and enriched my life in ways I had never expected could be possible. And now I knew, for certain, that he was in this with me until the very end—that we could deal with anything, come what may, he was stuck with me. And I got to keep him.

**The End.**


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